So ticked off

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
So ticked off
11
Sat, 05-30-2009 - 2:55pm

Hi all-

I met a guy from plenty of fish...we dated for about two months...stopped talking for about a month...and then just started dating again in April. He said he wanted another chance but really nothing changed. He texts me almost every day--he NEVER calls. He might ask me out but its like a few hours before he wants to do something....and its usually hanging in his apartment-not going out. A few weeks ago he did invite me down with his parents to their lake house in TN-it was nice but he didn't touch me, kiss me, even really stand close to me around his parents--but we did sleep in the same bed. Anyways he has been wanting to take things slow and he knows I have been thinking about making it an actual relationship. We talked on the ride home and he said he likes me, isn't looking for anyone else, and likes how things have been going and doesn't want to ruin it. However--in the last 2 weeks I got 2 very causal texts (could have been mass texts to everyone) and on Friday he didn't bother to ask me out. Today I got back on Plenty of Fish website b/c I was wanted to take my profile off b/c i never get on it and saw that he logged on today......does that sound like someone who isn't looking? Why can't he just tell me if he doesn't want to date me anymore?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
In reply to: dealien81
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 11:50am

He sounds a little awkward to me...he took you to his parents, didn't treat you like a 'girlfriend' in front of them, which was important to you, yet you slept in the same bed?

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
In reply to: dealien81
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 12:08pm

I guess I have a question

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
In reply to: dealien81
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 7:45pm

Well since the last post we have talked (well texted) more and Friday he invited me over because he was having some friends over to play Wii. I was excited to come over (yes i do really like him) but couldn't help thinking--ok I am just one of his friends, again. Later on he said he was invited to go to a bonfire and asked if i wanted to do that instead...so we did. I had a good time but again he didn't really stand next to me that much and we only kissed a few times in front of anyone (and I think it was b/c we were a little buzzed). And I have asked him out like for bowling and playing pool and we always have a good time--I just feel like I am being too dominant when I do that. Anyways....all of this confuses me because I have fun with him but then I feel horrible afterward b/c we aren't that serious and I would like to at least feel like I am special or a girlfriend. In the past he called me a "really close friend" b/c he didn't want a g/f right away-that was back in February before we stopped talking for awhile. Dating 2-3 months, obviously no closer to a relationship and he has been checking the online dating site. (He said he was on there in the last few days to check it b/c they send him all kinds of emails, yet yes i was stupid and checked and it said he was online today too). Am I being crazy for wanting a relationship after 2-3 months? Am I being kept around until something better? I am really confused b/c normally the guy decides whether he truly wants to be with me after a few weeks and thats it.......I really haven't done casual dating.

-Any guy perspective could help too :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
In reply to: dealien81
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 11:32am

Well, I don't think you're crazy for wanting a relationship with someone after 2-3 months. I think that is acceptable. What I don't think is acceptable is staying with HIM! Move on and date someone that wants the same thing that you want. He's lying to you about visiting POF (Plenty of FREAKS!). Do you WANT to be with a liar???


Red flag in my opinion...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: dealien81
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 11:42am

What you see is what you get with this guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: dealien81
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 12:56pm

Sounds to me like you're just something for him to do until he meets someone he likes more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
In reply to: dealien81
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 12:59pm

Here is my take on the matter from a man's side.

He likes you enough to keep you around but in his mind you are not the one he will settle down with. He doesn't want to loss you until he finds a better replacement. He wanted to show you he was willing to introduce you to his parents yet doesn't want them to think they should start adding you to the family. Your situation is basically the same as don't quit your job till you find a better one. If by chance he just has commitment issues and really does love you all you have to do is bring another guy into the mix to find out his true feelings just make sure this guy is as go a catch or better then him or it won't work. I hope this helps and good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
In reply to: dealien81
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 7:21am

Hi dealien81 -- I am in a similar situation and I

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
In reply to: dealien81
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 4:41pm

Hey all (Update Time)

So we actually had a nice date last night and after dinner he took me back to his place. I told him how he makes me feel sometimes (like I fill up his free time and that's about it). He said he was sorry that he made me feel like that and it's not like that at all. I continued (at this point if it scares him away so be it) and said that i felt like i was falling for him and that sometimes i tell myself not to like him because it scares me. He told me that hearing that didn't freak him out like he thought it would. But--he didn't say how he really felt back...Why?? -Because he hardly ever talks about his feelings. The only thing i remember him saying was that he feels very comfortable with me and that he said that is a big step for him.....like asking me to spend the night and such. So.....we woke up and hung out with his puppy and then he took me home and hung out at my place for an hour or so....then went back home to get ready for work...So unfortunately this leaves me feeling about the same as I did. I am talking to another man who has already asked me out twice and has actually called me. He seems to be putting more effort in already.....but again I haven't met him and there are no feelings there.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
In reply to: dealien81
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 1:59pm
Why can't he just tell me if he doesn't want to date me anymore?


Look, you need to go out and buy a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You". Then you need to read it. Then you need to read it AGAIN.


The message of the book that you should pay attention to is that it doesn't matter what a guy SAYS. What matters is what he DOES and how he TREATS you.


If you keep feeling confused and uncomfortable around this guy, and this relationship is bringing you this much stress, and you're unhappy... why on earth are you continuing? Why do you need the guy to SAY something when he's demonstrating to you how he feels?


Move on. He's not into you, or if he is he's not able to show it, which from your point of view is pretty much the same thing.

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