Somebody please give me a reality check!
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Somebody please give me a reality check!
| Wed, 08-10-2005 - 1:37am |
So I had my date with that guy tonight. Things went well, but the entire time all I could think was, "I want T here". I thought about bringing him to the restaurant we ate at, or having a drink with him at the lounge we had after dinner drinks at. I just wanted him there! And I get home and the adorable man that he is has left me a message on my im. Now I know don't put all your eggs in one basket, but what is this? I really could like this guy I went on a date with. But instead, I missed T. The ENTIRE time. What to do? Any experience? I do't want to get hurt again!

It looks like you have already given your power to "T".
CL-Truewild1969
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For the majority of us, the only reason it is advised so you don't get all involved too soon. Dating others helps keep you in perspective and not get carried away.
Personally, I date others mainly because most of them I don't feel a chemistry/vibe with. Also, I may go out with them 2-3 times, and if I don't feel anything then I usually end it. I don't particularly enjoy dates if we are not vibing!
It seems you have a connection with "T" and he is being consistent -- 2 things that would clearly make me NOT want to date others. What would be the point?? Of course, don't become a psychopath. Enjoy the moments and your life -- getting hurt is part of that. The quicker you bounce back lies the strength!!
Yes...we refer to that as the "false sense of intimacy" you get when you email someone too much (especially before meeting), as opposed to spending time with them in person.
For me, personally, seeing someone new more than 1-2 times a week and talking more than every other day or so is too much/too fast.
I think IM'ing all day every day is not a good idea...but it's hard to go back on that once you've established that pattern.
Sheri
I can only say this because I speak from a lot of experience Lolly.
CL-Truewild1969
For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;
I don't really understand what you're trying to accomplish with leaving dates or details of dates up in the air.
Firming dates up in advance is fine...just have LESS of them with him for the time being. As in, if he asks you out for tonight or Friday night (given that you will be seeing him Thursday), let him know you already have plans...even if the plans are just hanging out at home by yourself to give yourself a breather (he doesn't need specifics at this point).
Sheri
Lolly, did you understand the distinction sheri made? Sheri was spot on.
What you are doing, with the plan making, is playing hard to get (old fashioned term, I know). What we are trying to advise you is, please don't let the thought of T take over your dating life -- YET. There is time enough to build a relationship with him over the next 6 months. You are both in the "courting" stage and of course are excited about it. However, if you want a relationship with him, a mature one, you need to take your time.
That's all, it's as simple as that.
At this early stage, 2 dates a week is sufficient with one guy. Maybe a phone call in there, too.
BTW, I am thrilled you have met someone. He sounds very interested in you! Yay!
amjay