Somebody please give me a reality check!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Somebody please give me a reality check!
9
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 1:37am
So I had my date with that guy tonight. Things went well, but the entire time all I could think was, "I want T here". I thought about bringing him to the restaurant we ate at, or having a drink with him at the lounge we had after dinner drinks at. I just wanted him there! And I get home and the adorable man that he is has left me a message on my im. Now I know don't put all your eggs in one basket, but what is this? I really could like this guy I went on a date with. But instead, I missed T. The ENTIRE time. What to do? Any experience? I do't want to get hurt again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 10:06am

It looks like you have already given your power to "T".

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 11:36am
Ok, so feeling this much too soon is a mistake? With OLD you seem to cut through a lot of b/s. You know so much about the person before you even sit down. So it does take some of the intial getting to know you part and packs it into emails and convos, which T and I have been doing since I started OLD. We just only met for the first time a week ago. So what is the normal, spend time, how you feel thing. Maybe I am so desperate for something to work that I get a little too excited? I don't know. But how do you know how and what is moving too fast?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 11:55am

For the majority of us, the only reason it is advised so you don't get all involved too soon. Dating others helps keep you in perspective and not get carried away.

Personally, I date others mainly because most of them I don't feel a chemistry/vibe with. Also, I may go out with them 2-3 times, and if I don't feel anything then I usually end it. I don't particularly enjoy dates if we are not vibing!

It seems you have a connection with "T" and he is being consistent -- 2 things that would clearly make me NOT want to date others. What would be the point?? Of course, don't become a psychopath. Enjoy the moments and your life -- getting hurt is part of that. The quicker you bounce back lies the strength!!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 11:58am

Yes...we refer to that as the "false sense of intimacy" you get when you email someone too much (especially before meeting), as opposed to spending time with them in person.

For me, personally, seeing someone new more than 1-2 times a week and talking more than every other day or so is too much/too fast.

I think IM'ing all day every day is not a good idea...but it's hard to go back on that once you've established that pattern.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 12:05pm

I can only say this because I speak from a lot of experience Lolly.

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 12:40pm
Hi, I just want to tell you that I agree with all the emotions you are feeling. I just met this great guy, went out only on three dates, and I am hooked. I haven't felt connected with someone for a long time, and all the feelings I am experiencing are scary. I understand completely how you are feeling, I want to talk to him, see him, just hear his voice, crazy! I don't know him that well and I go out with others, I have enough going on with other guys pursuing me, but my mind wonders back to him :) I, like you, don't want to look desperate and don't want to get hurt, and I am using all my willpower not to appear too eager and refrain from calling him just to hear his voice. Sorry, I don't have any advice for you, just agreing with what you're going through!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 2:09pm
I completly understand the being busy part. I do seem to have a rather interesting social life to him because he made the comment once that I always had something interesting to do. Which is true given that I am at the age where people are just getting married to their college sweeties, graduating, or throwing parties. So, I talk about that stuff a bit. I have a bunch of pictures around my apartment of nights out and friends. Not just the family pics and the dog pics. But I do understand staying grounded while emotions take me to cloud 9. I am greatful for the advice of that, mainly because my friends don't offer such sound advice. We are less mature. And we are still in the mistake phase, which I am lucky to have y'all guiding me in a different direction. But I do wonder if I will only get the fish that will bit the hook. Meaning, if I don't put out the open to relationship and putting myself out there vibe, will I get guys that are not open or putting themselves out there? I try not to make future plans with T. I let him ask then I say ok. Or as the situation will be on thurs, I have a dinner party. I didn't want to ask too soon in advance if he would be my date, mainly because I didn't want to freak him out with a future plan. But I mentioned it on Monday. He was receptive, so I asked him today. He responded with "that sounds excellent". But I haven't set a time for him to pick me up. I want to wait to finalize that, maily becasue it leaves a feeling of up in the air, hard to tie down. But, if I am doing these things, am I attracting these things? Tactics I have always used to seem more lax and less desperate for the date. Like when he asked about the game, I said great what time does it start. He responded, but I didn't offer a time for him to pick me up. Mainly because he can make that plan with me, putting himself out there and commiting to the date first. Thoughts on this? By the way your responses are so much appreciated!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 2:16pm

I don't really understand what you're trying to accomplish with leaving dates or details of dates up in the air.

Firming dates up in advance is fine...just have LESS of them with him for the time being. As in, if he asks you out for tonight or Friday night (given that you will be seeing him Thursday), let him know you already have plans...even if the plans are just hanging out at home by yourself to give yourself a breather (he doesn't need specifics at this point).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 9:33pm

Lolly, did you understand the distinction sheri made? Sheri was spot on.

What you are doing, with the plan making, is playing hard to get (old fashioned term, I know). What we are trying to advise you is, please don't let the thought of T take over your dating life -- YET. There is time enough to build a relationship with him over the next 6 months. You are both in the "courting" stage and of course are excited about it. However, if you want a relationship with him, a mature one, you need to take your time.

That's all, it's as simple as that.

At this early stage, 2 dates a week is sufficient with one guy. Maybe a phone call in there, too.

BTW, I am thrilled you have met someone. He sounds very interested in you! Yay!

amjay