someone help me figure this guy out

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
someone help me figure this guy out
15
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 10:00am

Okay bachelor #1 canceled our date #4 last Saturday b/c he couldn't get a babysitter. Not a problem, except he waited until 6 pm to cancel. Now he has asked me out for lunch today... I have received a few emails from him the last two days and they are very friendly and normal sounding, but I have not had any confirmation about lunch today at it is 9:50am... granted I know he can still call me, but I am getting really irritated and I need to set this guy straight. Everything was going very well these last few weeks and now all of a sudden he is acting like .... I don't even know.

Am I being unreasonable. And I need some advise, IF we have lunch today I really want to take the opportunity and set this guy straightm, but I don't want to come across harsh or b!tchy.... How does this sound?

"D- , I need to share something with you. I am usually straight forward and don't like to beat around the bush, but something is bothering me and I don't want to come across high maintenance or pushy, but I like you, I am attracted to you, you have a lot of qualities that I am looking for in a man, but I'm concerned about how little we communicate about planned meetings. Whether you are aware of it or not, I have been left hanging on more than one occasion and I don't know what to make of that. Do you think we can communicate a little bit better about these planned meetings?"

I don't know, help!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 10:17am

I'm not sure I would say anything. They so easily interpret what we say as being needy. I would let your actions (and his) do the talking. He broke a date once. O.k., once is an isolated incident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern. Just see if this is an isolated incident or if it becomes a pattern - like for lunch today - does he meet you or does he bail with another excuse? Just wait and see. If it becomes a pattern then I would address it then.

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 10:23am

I would not say that.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 10:46am

I agree. Watch and observe or talk to him about it.

That guy I dated 5 times was the same way and I found myself becoming more and more irritated and I told him how I felt, he agreed but never changed. Chances are this guy is kind of selfish with his time and has no regard towards yours. See if it's a pattern, maybe address it ONCE in person then let him decide where he'll take it.

In person say something like "I am a woman of action. I say, I do ... I have complete follow through. If "something comes up" or if I am unsure about something, you'll get a call from me, It is guaranteed. If my phone doesn't work, you'll get an e-mail. If my e-mail doesn't work, I'll send you a smoke signal ... But I WON'T leave you hanging.

I'd appreciate you confirming either the day before or day of our date and if we have something planned especially on a Saturday and something comes up please call me no later than 4:30 so that I can make other plans, if you're unsure about a babysitter call me earlier in the day letting me know that as well."

Good luck.

SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 10:55am

Ok- I will wait and watch. But if he does not call me in the next hour or so, I am making other plans during my lunch hour. I don't think it is considerate of him to leave me hanging like this.

Does everyone else agree I need to kind of mention to him (IF I see him) today about following up a little sooner than last minute? I agree with you, Peanut, about letting him know that if I can't make it or am running late that I will let him know ahead of time. I just find it so rude... I can't help it....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 11:06am

Does he know you expected him to confirm this morning?

Photobucket

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 11:32am

I have the same question as FA...is there something that NEEDS confirming? Or is everything set--time, place? If the latter, then I'd just go, unless it was tentative.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 11:42am
I would make other lunch plans right now and SHOW him that your time is valuable. "Oh, I'm sorry, I never heard from you so I made other plans..." Very sweet, not mad. Show - don't tell.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 11:47am

Normally, he asks me out ahead of time, I agree I can make it, and then he will call me the day of or night before to set up a time and place, that is how it has been.
Like he asked me on Saturday about lunch this week, he suggested Monday, I said I can't do it on Monday, then he said Tuesday? I said Tuesday is fine... so yesterday he emailed me early in the morning saying he had a meeting to go to and Wednesday would be better, I said that would work for me, and then about an hour ago I get an email saying he is home sick and can't make lunch and apologizes...
I guess from now on, all I can do (if I agree to see him again) is confirm a time and location when he asks me out. But normally, I am just like "whatever,whenever" I try to appear flexible. And I am, normally it's not a huge hassle for me to get a sitter or to move my lunch hour around.
I know it appears that he is trying to give me the brush off, and I will see if that is the case.... I'm not going to continue this with him... I just don't want to appear to complex or "overthinking" things... I emailed him back:

Hey-

I'm sorry you're sick, that sucks... I was looking forward to having lunch with you today. It seems there is always something preventing us from hanging out....

I hope you feel better, do you need anything? Soup, soda, crackers? Just let me know, okay? It would be no trouble.....Let me know what the doctor says.....

That's what I sent a few minutes ago... Oh well, I agree I need to see if he has a pattern of doing this, b/c if he is truly sick, I don't want to come across as selfish or as a b!tch.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 11:53am

Yeah, it doesn't look good, but I understand giving him the benefit of the doubt.

I would definitely let HIM initiate any further contact.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 11:56am
I agree- except he did ask me to call him later...
I don't usually initate the contact anyway, he does, that is why I am confused. If you don't want to see me, why set up the dates???

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