Sometimes it just seems hopeless...
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| Thu, 05-19-2005 - 10:07am |
...even though I'm trying hard to have a positive attitude.
The last few women who I have contacted on Yahoo Personals have sent back the canned response "Thanks, but I'm taking a break from dating for a while". My timing must be awful... after all, these women have active profiles up on a dating site, yet I guess they decide to "take a break" at just the time I contact them.
Sarcasm aside, though, I understand that it's really just a polite way of saying "not interested". I'm sure I could go back a week later and see that these women are still active.
I think I get most discouraged because online dating is *designed* to make it easy to meet people. That's the whole purpose of it all. All the women who have profiles on the sites are presumably available and are looking to meet nice men. So, when there is a lack of success in the OLD world, it makes me feel like any other means of meeting someone will even be more difficult (like a bar or club or grocery store, etc). Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?
Eric

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please read my post Eric and try not to be pessismistic, i think the mentality of dating has changed and for me i am just not into all these games and dating 10 people at a time.
but on a positive note I think there is a much better chance to meet somene out in public, however you have to put yourself out there . Meaning get involved in more activities w/ like minded people, be out there to be "seen". OLDis the backwards of dating, all you have to go by is someone's profile and sometimes these "profiles" don't mean a thing.. meeting in person you get so much a better idea of who somebody is.. emailing and all people can put on such a good "face" and once you get to the phone they are so different.. I know for me being in a much more urban city does make it harder in some ways but on a positive note there are so many more single people here.!
I have had pretty good luck meeting people but not finding the right one yet.. It will happen.. remain positive.
Eric you wrote,
I can totally relate to the feeling! I deactivated my online dating profile 9 days ago and yes, its crossed my mind as to what the next approach will be to meeting eligible, emotionally grounded people. I absolutely refuse to do the bar/clubbing scene. That was okay when I was in my twenties and partying was the name of the game. But now that I've entered the 40 something stage, I know from life's wisdom learned thus far that meeting people (who are under the influence of alcohol within that given milieu) is not a healthy approach by any standards. As for the grocery store, well hey, I've been grocery shopping for myself for 20 plus years and in all my visits to a grocery store I've never met anyone that way. Nor have I ever met anyone by wandering the aisles of a hardware store (LOL) ...
One suggestion might be is to investigate whats called "Speed Dating". If you do a search query on the net you might even find that its offered in your area. Its actually coming to my city in June but I missed the age cut-off for participants by 2 yrs. Go Figure,hey!
I also recently read up on another dating thing called Dinner for Eight, which unfortunately is not available in my city, but might be in yours. Worth a try :)
I know I already mentioned this in a previous post back on the 11th of May, but yes, I felt saddened n' disappointed with the overall 'old' experience that I had. Throughout the 3 months that I had participated in it, I had shared my experiences with my co-workers & friends and they too were in utter shock/disbelief regarding the lack of sincerity that exists online. I am not saying that everyone who uses old is insincere, clearly you, other posters on this site, as well as myself, are/were genuinely trying to meet a compatible & potential mate. However, one can't ignore the fact that there are a greater number of people who are doing it with not the same motives that we have.
Hang in there Compadre ! and don't forget to check out the "speed dating" option.
:) LM
Eric - I've been thinking about organizing my own speed dating event. My town isn't big enough to draw one, so I need to make my own.
I think you are in a similar boat. Do you have some friends you can organize some kind of singles event?
If you build it, they will come.
Eric - I know what you mean. And I also agree with one of my recent dates who said OLD works a lot better in theory than in practice. But as other people have said on this board, if it weren't for OLD, I wouldn't date at all. As LM said, I've shopped in grocery stores for years and have never met anyone there (or even come close). And that goes for bookstores, coffeeshops, etc. And don't get me started on health clubs. I used to hear they were the new singles bars but I'm convinced that falls into the urban legend category.
Sorry, I realize my attempt at cheering you up has probably failed abysmally. Good thing I never went into one of the "caring" professions, lol.
(P.S. I just realized that as a guy you'd probably have much better luck than I did joining some type of activities/social club. Those clubs tend to attract lots more women than men.)
Eric,
These people are rejecting one page of profile. How do you jump to the "it's hopeless" conclusion?
Get out there and triple your failure rate. I bet you cannot do that and not enter a relationship.
Seriously.
Hello,
I definitely feel your pain. I've noticed that the more "commercial" online dating has become, the less credible it is. Match.com has all these commercials and ads all over the place, and tons of people on the site, but how many people are on there really looking for a serious relationship? And then some of the guys that are looking for a serious relationship, are bit on the insane side. The last guy I was communicating with, we had e-mailed and talked on the phone for about 2 weeks... and were preparing to meet for coffee until he said he had started planning for "our life together" Seriously. Children's names, religion, house on Long Island, and everything. Needless to say, it scared the living daylights out of me, and that was the end of that. Then I took a break from it all for a few months. I recently just reactivated my profile, to give it another shot.
Maybe you just need to take a break for a little bit. Just to keep from getting so discouraged.
Take care,
Missie
Eric, I hear ya...I just hid my profiles on match and yahoo because I'm just tired of working so hard at it with nothing to show for it.
I would second the suggestion you got to join some sort of activities club that has at least some singles. In my experience, there are WAY more women at those activities than men, and the men who are there are either strange, boring or both. A good guy with a decent personality would have his choice of women! What do you like to do? Find a group that's doing it and get involved!
I haven't tried speed dating yet but I might at some point...I just don't like the idea of sitting down with a group of strangers not knowing anything about them! At least online you have *some* idea of what they are about before you talk to them. Plus the idea of making small talk with 10 total strangers in a row sounds like absolute torture to me. But I may have to venture out and try it since the alternatives aren't working for me. Give it a shot, you never know. I think mixing it up (doing a bunch of different things, not just OLD) gives you the best shot at meeting someone, anyway.
Sheri
>> I understand that it's really just a polite way of saying "not interested".<<
What's polite about blatantly and bluntly lying to you?
There's nothing "polite" about it whatsoever, except in the notion that it's supposedly a "little white lie" that is intended on making it "easy" for you to be rejected.
Well, hogwash. I'd rather just get a short little one-liner that says "sorry, we're not a match". At least it's honest.
The thing about "little white lies" is that they've got to be BELIEVABLE. As you point out, Eric, when it's SO obvious that they're a lie that they're completely NOT believable, they're just stupid.
Sorry, minor rant I went off on there. :)
As far as the real problem you're mentioning, Eric... I think that the trick to meeting people in RL is that you have to do the things that you like to do.
Yes, that sounds somewhat Yoda-like. LOL
But seriously... if you're not into hanging out in nightclubs at all, then going to meet a gal in a nightclub might not make a lot of sense. On the flip side, if you like going to ballgames, then that's where you want to go to meet a gal- because it's reasonably safe to assume that SHE will like going to ballgames, too.
The other thing is that I believe you must, simply MUST, be in a good place in your head prior to "getting out there". If you're not, you will not find the right one- or at least you'll find others who aren't as happy as they could be.
So that'd be my two keys to the game- be sure you're in a good, happy-and-loving-yourself place in your own head, and go do stuff that YOU like to do (while keeping your eyes open for women who're doing that as well).
Eric,
I really don't have any advice that hasn't been given to you already by others, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Everyone has felt like you do. Sheri and Niceguy are right, find an activity that YOU enjoy doing. And even if you don't find yourself a sweetie, at least you're getting out and doing something fun. Niceguy had a good suggestion about baseball. If you're into the sport, get to some minor league games; the venues are smaller and it's more relaxed and easier to talk to people there than at a big-league game. Or at least I've found that to be the case. Cheer up :)
Holly
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