Sometimes it just seems hopeless...
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| Thu, 05-19-2005 - 10:07am |
...even though I'm trying hard to have a positive attitude.
The last few women who I have contacted on Yahoo Personals have sent back the canned response "Thanks, but I'm taking a break from dating for a while". My timing must be awful... after all, these women have active profiles up on a dating site, yet I guess they decide to "take a break" at just the time I contact them.
Sarcasm aside, though, I understand that it's really just a polite way of saying "not interested". I'm sure I could go back a week later and see that these women are still active.
I think I get most discouraged because online dating is *designed* to make it easy to meet people. That's the whole purpose of it all. All the women who have profiles on the sites are presumably available and are looking to meet nice men. So, when there is a lack of success in the OLD world, it makes me feel like any other means of meeting someone will even be more difficult (like a bar or club or grocery store, etc). Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?
Eric

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Eric,
Pardon me for not joining the pity party (and I don't mean that in a
lg,
My profile was hidden - it should be un-hidden now. Thanks for any help on it.
Really, I do not mean for it to come across sounding like I want a pity party. Just sharing my experiences, that's all.
I keep a very open mind about things. You have to understand how limited OLD is in this area. I know you always say success is in numbers - and people should triple their rejection rates - but therein lies the problem - I can't get to the stage where I am even having a chance to be rejected.
I consider someone a "prospect" when they either contact me in some way, and I am interested in their profile, or I contact them and they respond. In over a year of OLD, I would guess I have had about 50 total prospects. From that, 3 total dates. Not *one* of those times did I decide to ghost or stop communication.
Again, just sharing my situation and wanting to see if others are having similar experiences.
Eric
LG said "See Online Dating for what it is -- a weaker form of meeting people. A large percent of those online are there as a "quick fix" for a broken relationship. Some are there to make another person jealous. Don't think that just because they have a pretty picture and compatible profile -- that they're anything but a stranger.
After a while you won't take the rejection personally. It will become easier to move on to the next one. I also find it helps to think occassionally about the relationships that did work out (not necessarily online) to bolster your confidence that there isn't something wrong with you."
Totally agree and this is what works for me. As a matter of fact one gentleman was quite honest w/ me and I was not really into him he is into me but he met someone else told me they were chatting and ha d alot in common.. unbelievably he says.. So I said well it sounds as she is a better fit. I did not take it bad but of course I did not think he was a right fit for me, no sparks but could be a great friend so easy to talk to.. buthe told me i was one of his two choices.. but honestly I do think the other person would be a better catch for him.
But not all people fit. The other guy i spoke w/ was drama man and his words were so well written but when we spoke on the phone it appeared he was looking for OLD for not the things he said, LTR. From his dating experiences he shared it sounded as if this 39 yr old still had plenty of his own work to do on himself before getting serious. It is a quick fix for some and that is not what i want. I want someone that is stable and looking to be in a real r'ship not to fix something.. But again profiles/ and words written are just that from a stranger.. people are not always what they say they are..
Eric,
You gotta match up on more than sports my man. I doubt except for V - that there are tons of female football fans out there. Show rather than tell. I'm not a chick but my first impression is the bulk of what you say could be interpreted by some as the std stuff guys say to get their way.
>> I love sports and outdoor activities. My favorites are basketball and football, but I also like golf and tennis. I also like camping, hiking and walking. I enjoy movies, reading, and just hanging out with my friends.
I need a good double shot of espresso after reading this. It's too much like every other guy who whips out a profile in 10 minutes.
Ever camp anywhere unique, see anything cool while doing it, enjoy certain movies, actors, authors or books?? "Hanging out" is a redundant statement because everyone does it. Seriously. You might as well rip it out and just use the "I enjoy breathing" statement instead. It adds just as much.
Why don't you just rip from my backup profile and see what response you get (you'll have to tweak):
Is there more to online dating than blurry photos, past flames that never extinguish, guys who don't call when they say, endless coffee dates, professional daters and their cliche filled profiles, the unsolved mysteries of people that disappear after one email? If what you read online was true there would be a waiting room at every gym, gas prices would creep down weekly as men and women hopped on their motorcycles instead of driving a honking 4 ton SUV, hiking trails would be so crowded that they’d impose single file walking rules, movie theaters across the country would be bankrupt because couples are spooning and cuddling to rented movies instead of going out. So about me? My friends say I look just like my picture. I enjoy hiking, working out at the gym 7 or 8 days each week and reading The Davinci Code. For fun I like to go out or stay in -- though I'm equally at ease cuddling on the couch. I have several kids - they're my life - and am not afraid to use them as an excuse to break dates at the last minute. So why am I here? Probably for the same reasons everyone else is.. I'm looking for my soulmate....or the BBD (Bigger and Better Deal) whichever comes first. But I've saved the best for last. I'm actually 5 foot 10 like my profile say's! How’s that for online honesty.
To Eric:
I think joining the tennis club is a great way to meet others. YOu need to make yourself visible and by doing that is not sitting in front of the TV . NOt saying you do just making a point. Keep busy meet others. boost your confidence.
That is what keeps me going and I have realized what a man magnet /women magnet it is to have such confidence. Since my break up I have realized I was in a low during the r'ship and now that I am out and wen tthrough the whole grieving process and di dnot start dating right away I am finding what a catch I am and boy is that attracting people. I also go out.. and meet lots of people . You may meet someone that will know someone else that may want to fix you up.Networking, all kinds of other ways. I think OLD should be used as justone other sourc.e But honestly I have kind of put OLD On the back burner and my focus is to just go out and meet lots and lots of people> Of course here IN LA it is easier cuz a lot more people
Have you ever considered moving to a bigger city? I have to say my lifestyle, and age fits better here than back in Rochester and i could never see my self back there being able to bounce back so easily.. ???
Just a thought or maybe talk to some women and DAllas try the LDR which then maybe would tempt you to move?
just ideas..
Just curious:
how many winks do you get per week on average?
how many first meets per month?
any dates past the first meet?
Activity varies depending on rotation etc.
During a busy week I'd get 3 to 5 emails , maybe similar winks
During a slow week - nada.
I'd say 1/2 convert to first meets (the rest ghost or no match) -- I think I went seconds on maybe 1 in 5? Just a guesstimate.
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