Stay or go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Stay or go?
3
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:10am

I have a new OLD friend whom I met towards the end of January, during the last week of my membership on a dating site. We've exchanged additional photos, chat via e-mail during the working day, IM late afternoons (he's 3 hours ahead of me), and then talk on the phone most evenings. We really want to see each other to see if we'll have the same chemistry in person as we do now. He really seems to be a keeper. We have lots in common and out of all the many conversations we've had, no glaring red flags or warning signs have popped up.

Here's the deal:

He's in his final year in the Reserves with the Marines and can't come out my way anytime soon due to short-staffing in his dept. because of the war. So he's offered to pay to fly me out to see him for sometime in April (he's in the south and I'm out west). I have until March 15 to decide.

Should I stay and just wait until he can come to see me or should I take him up on his offer and go to see him?

Your thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: heymum
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:18am

The thought of travelling to see a stranger makes me nervous. You've only been corresponding for a few weeks, so he is virtually a stranger despite the closeness you've felt online. Do you know anything about him that he hasn't told you?

If you do go, safety should be your number one priority. Not romantic, I know, but smart. Your people should know where you are and you should keep in constant contact with them. They should also know as much about this guy as possible.

Still, I think it's far too early to travel out there by yourself.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
In reply to: heymum
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:41am
I'd skip it. I'm SURE there are similar types of guys that live closer to you and have better situations. I usually don't even get involved with someone that far away and in a situation like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: heymum
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:48am

If he's the right guy, then waiting won't hurt. I wouldn't go unless you can afford it yourself- the whole thing, the plane ticket, the stay in a motel/hotel, maybe a rental car or taxis.

If he's an enlisted guy, then offering to pay is moderately impressive, because those guys don't make diddly for pay. If he's an officer, then odds are he's at least got a college education and is a solid citizen. However, either way, him paying sets up a weird little power thing in the relationship, even if he means it truly and totally as a generous, kind thing to offer up.

No, I vote for wait. It stinks, and I'm also a big proponent of the idea that you can't have a real romantic relationship with someone you haven't met in person yet, but I still think that waiting until he can come to you is the best plan of action.