In a sticky situation... UPDATE
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| Wed, 03-08-2006 - 11:48am |
Well, everyone, I am sure most of you remember my problem that I had with a guy that I have been talking to for a while... Here is the link to the topic that I am talking about:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlcyber&msg=11146.1
Anyways, I told the guy yesterday. I confessed why I hadnt showed him my real picture... And like everyone predicted, he blew up. Because I had lied to him...He told me that he didnt want to continue a relationship. I apologized continuously to him, and told him that I wanted to work things out.... Well he was pretty mean to me. Understandibly. He was at work, so we pretty much talked through text messages. Then he called me and told me that maybe I would have better luck with the next guy I was with. Which pretty much told me that he didnt want to continue anything for sure. Well I was pretty upset about everything, and I was crying like crazy. I told him exactly why I had done what I did. Told him about my self esteem issues, and how that was the only thing I had been lying about. He seemed to calm down a little, and he asked me what I thought he should do. I told him that I would like him to give me another change, to prove that I am a nice person, and that I really do have feelings for him that are genuine. I then sent him a real picture of myself. His exact words after that were: "Are you kidding me? You lied about that? You could have avoided this whole thing..." I told him I lied because I didnt think I was a nice looking person. He told me he thought I was. He then called me and we talked things over, and he decided to give me a second chance..... The only problem I have now, is that I have these doubts....Like is he just doing this because he feels sorry for me? Is he just trying to pay me back for what I did? Or does he genuinely still have feelings for me.....
I guess I'll have to wait and see...
Edited 3/8/2006 11:51 am ET by kawaiikoneko81

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Hon, you are very lucky he's giving you a second shot. But now that he is - STOP WORRYING AND TAKE IT FOR WHAT IT IS!! A SECOND CHANCE! This guy is probably a really great guy since he is willing to keep trying and see where it can go. Please take him at his word for now, give him the benefit of the doubt and just go with it. If he gives you any reason to think otherwise, then you will need to decide then what to do.
Your self-defeatist, negative, "why-would-he-want-to-be-with-loser-like-me" attitude will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Lack of self-esteem is NOT an attractive quality and if you're looking for a way to push him away, keep it up because he'll eventually run for the hills. Now that the hard part of telling him is over, do just what he asked to do - leave it in the past and see what you can do about your future. Neither of you will be able to "forget" about what happened, but you can use it as a learning experience and hopefully use it to work on yourself and your relationship.
And of course he's different now. He is not sure he can trust you or anything you say. Prove to him to be a worthy person and that he can trust you and that you DESERVE that trust and caring he would like to give you. Your attitide now will just push him further away. Try your best to get past it and move on. Unless he is a really rotten, evil person, he is not going to play you or try to get back at you. He sounds genuine so let him have the chance to prove it like he is giving you.
Not sure you realize this but you are pushing him away by bringing this subject up. Your trust issues aren't healthy and you need to really seek help for that. How much is it going to hurt if he walks away after you being a relationship? Just like all the others and yes it will hurt but you are driving yourself and him crazy in the meantime. Why spoil it? We can't control the outcome of anything...fly by the seat of your pants and enjoy this man. Respect him for caring about you enough to let that big fat fib go.
F
Please seek professional help, at the very least take a walk through the self-help section at the bookstore and/or visit the self esteem board http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhselfesteem
In the meantime you MUST drop
Self-esteem as well as self-image issues are a HUGE obstacle to dating, both OLD and meeting people other ways. Many of us have some of the same insecurities that you have. For me, each time I met a guy I liked or ended up caring about, he bailed or hurt me in some way. So, I know from past experience how hard it is to NOT worry about the bottom falling out or worrying that he'll meet someone else. You just have to get yourself to believe that even if the worst happens, that you will STILL be OK. I went through enough disappointments with OLD that I had decided to take a break from it and it was then that I took one more chance on talking with the guy I have ended up dating for over a month now.
I had people tell me that when the time is right, you will eventually meet someone. I never believed that, but I am somewhat of a believer now since I have not had to work so hard to make things happen with my current guy. It feels right in many ways. And I still struggle with insecurities now due to my past heartaches. Talk over with a counselor or someone if your self-esteem issues are too much for you to handle on your own. This guy sounds like he is interested in you, but you will push him away if you don't get rid of some of that negative thinking. Go out and see what happens with him. In time, the whole phony picture episode will fade some and you will perhaps not have those insecurities to worry with. Give it some time and let him get to know you. I'm sure you have much to offer; you just need to start believing that yourself.
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