Story - Long - Need some feedback!! Pls
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 02-19-2006 - 5:29pm |
A couple of years ago I met a guy at a friend's wedding, but nothing happened - I was engaged myself and actually getting married in a few days... so no sparks. Here I am 2+ years later, separated, and going on a trip. My friend says to me, "You remember my cousin?... Well, he lives in London" I am going travelling through Europe in three weeks. So, about 3-4 weeks ago I send this guy an email to say, "hey... remember me... your cousin's friend... blah blah" He was very receptive to me coming out offering for me to stay with him and his brother, offering to show me around London - not weird at all because I am his cousin's BEST FRIEND afterall. Anyhow, the emails started to get very deep, asking a lot of questions about who eachother were... and the answers we were both getting were exactly what the other was looking for.
Weeks have passed, we talk on the phone EVERYDAY for hours (yes, I'm going to have a crazy long distance bill) we email everyday and it is wonderful. Our fear is our "meeting". The feelings keep growing, quickly. And when we feel that there is no way we can get any further ahead of ourselves, boom, we find ourselves there - even further ahead.
I am an eternal optimist. I think that what will happen is that when we meet it will be awkward at first, then we will have something to eat... a couple of drinks... and the flow of conversation will just happen. We've already met a couple of times a few years ago, it's not an "attraction" issue... and I feel that I really know him. However, there is a small part of me, I don't want to say the realistic side of me, just a side, that is worried... Is it too dangerous to allow myself to feel SO MUCH for someone that I have developed a relationship with on line and on the phone? Or, do you think that if we care this much, already, that once we meet it will just be awkard for a few hours... then be perfectly normal and just add to the whole experience? I would never admit this to him or to anyone else, but you all have no idea who I am, so I will tell you, I actually feel that I could love this man at some point... and I have never even held his hand! :)
So am I crazy?... a love sick fool?... be brutally honest, I can handle it... I could use a good swift kick to get my a$$ back to reality.
jo

Hi Jo and welcome to the board!
I don't think you're crazy... I do think it's possible to love someone that you've been talking to a lot. Your situation is different than most because you've already met him.
What does concern me is that you're not yet divorced and I'm wondering if this is a rebound relationship. Is it possible that you're just looking to love someone because you're lonely or your future is uncertain? That's something only you could answer...
I would say to set down the expectations of you guys meeting... realize that the less expectations there are, the better it is for the both of you. Take it slow, do some self-evaluation to see if what you're feeling is true and go from there.
At worst, you've made a good friend in England!
Hope this helps...
Kerry
It sounds like you have a good base for something here and considering you have already met once and there was some chemistry at that point, that's a good sign BUT that said, you really need to meet someone and spend time with each other to see if that translates into chemistry in a relationship. You have to see if the way they live their everyday life is compatible with yours or does the way they brush their teeth drive you nuts! :-)
Seriously though, keep your expectations realistic and see how things go. IMO, it's impossible to be in "love" with someone you've really only had an online relationship with. It's not to say it can't translate into something but most of the time, it doesn't.
Good luck!
You're right... maybe love is a bit strong of an emotion... but I just FEEL so much already, and I've been in love before and this feeling is AWFULLY similar. I have never had this much in common with someone - never had so much of the same interests at all! Also, there is just such a whirlwind "romance" going on between us - we both are from Southern Ontario, but are meeting in London England... and the first weekend I am there we are going to Paris for the weekend! I then go off to India by myself for 7.5 weeks and then I go back to London... and then he and I go to Italy and Spain for 2 weeks. We talk EVERYDAY for hours. On Friday night I wanted to just take it easy at home - we talked for 3.5 hours - that's crazy! But we talk about our feelings, our thoughts, our hopes for our individual futures, our pasts... I have never had a man be able to talk to me like this before - it is so rare!
As for a rebound - I don't think so, but I see your point. I have been separated now for 8 months, dated someone for a bit who was "in love" with me, but I knew it wasn't right so I ended it. I then dated another guy for a week... again, didn't work out... No hard feelings. I am not going to settle, EVER AGAIN, for just anyone because it didn't make me happy before. I need some magic... some pizzazz...
Thank you so much for the feedback - I do need to hear it! It's good! I know about expectation... I will do my best to tone it down... Afterall, maybe he will just be a great travel partner... Ok, a REALLY HOT, younger (just two years) travel partner with broad shoulders, an engineering degree and an amazing kind heart who plays guitar and writes music... YIKES - I am in trouble!! Ok, I am good... NO EXPECTATION... NO EXPECTATION... I am yoga teacher, this will be my new mantra during meditation... lol
Seriously, thank you so much! Please feel free to keep the feedback coming - I like to hear what everyone has to say!
jo