Story of my life ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Story of my life ....
4
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 2:44pm

So Friday night I'm out at my local bar. I look over and there's this man my age (which is MIDDLE-aged) smiling at me -- in a sea full of youngsters. He's good looking and I just chalk it up to the inadvertent catching-the-eye thing that happens. Except it happens three or four more times. Finally I walk up to the bar to give him a chance to talk to me and of course, he does. My friends leave, I sit down with him, we have a grand time and he makes me laugh SO hard. Of course, it turns out he lives in California and is only in town for the weekend, is originally from a nearby town. I give him my phone number anyway. I leave, go home, and he calls me at 2 am to make sure I got home as he said he would.

He calls several times the next day, trying to make arrangements for the evening, as we're both juggling multiple stuff we have to get done. Finally I agree to go out with him Saturday night. Against my usual rules, but because by now I have spoken to his friend and heard him talking to another (woman) friend in the background and have checked him out on Google, I let him come over to pick me up. He brings his laptop and right off the bat shows me pictures of his kids and family to make more feel more comfortable. It works. We go out to meet some high school friends of his -- all women -- and we hit it off completely -- like I could totally be friends with these chicks, they are very cool, welcoming and friendly and we know lots of people in common. We have a really, really nice time. He and I go to another place to see some music, then come home to my place.

Again, against my usual rules, I end up letting him spend the night. We're not kids, and how often do you meet somebody you click with so well, and I'm probably not going to see him again for months if ever. It's really nice -- not the best sex I've ever had, but how can it be when I've only known him for 24 hours? In the morning he takes out his laptop and loads tons of songs from his huge playlist onto my MP3 player. I make him breakfast. He leaves to go see his old football coach who has Alzheimer's. He calls again, comes back for a little while in the afternoon. We say goodbye. He calls this morning, comes over and we tear up the bedroom again. Now, he's REALLY leaving. He says he'll come see me at a conference I have to go to in California in April if he can get there. I really have no great hope of ever seeing him again, but it was very, very nice to spend time with an adult man who really liked me and appreciated me. I think I'm glad I spent the time with this mature, sincere, comfortable man who found me attractive, interesting and worth spending a big chunk of his weekend with and worth introducing his friends to ... but there's the bittersweet fact which brings me back to the story of my life ... JUST ONE MORE man who's not available to me.

So I wonder what you all think. Would you have done the same? Would you have said no from the get-go? Would you have gone out with him and not jumped in bed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 3:25pm

I'm glad you had fun - that's a great story.

I don't think it's really fair for me to say what I might do in the same situation - it's you and you did what you wanted. As long as you're good with it, then who cares? Hopefully you'll see him again, but if not, you had a great time with a great guy. Will you stay in touch with his women friends?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 4:52pm

Well, it sounds like you had fun, and so long as you're comfortable with what happened this weekend, that's what's important!

Just out of curiosity, though...for some reason, I thought that you and the younger man had an agreement of sexual exclusivity, but I guess that's not correct. I'm not asking to be judgmental, I promise...it's more that I'm grappling with how to handle dating others if I continue with my musician/athlete guy, because after a talk we had last night, it's crystal clear to me that he is NOT relationship-minded so I feel I need to keep my options open and I'm leaning towards being free to date other people but not get physical with them while we are still seeing each other (so sexually monogamous but not exclusive). But I'm not sure I can do even that...it was tough doing that even with my LDR, so to do that with someone I'm seeing regularly...I don't know if I can. So I'm curious how you handle that, if you don't mind me asking.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 5:13pm

You're right and I have been grappling with that a little bit. YM seems to be drifting away a little bit on that score -- I have a vague sense he has met somebody else and we haven't been intimate that way in a few weeks now. I haven't wanted to bring it up but I have noticed a little distancing, and I expected that to happen at some point.

If I am misinterpreting YM's distance and he's just been busy, I won't know what to say. We were safe, so it's more of a moral question than a physical one, and it's made me question the practicality of the sexually exclusive arrangement. And I am not entirely sure that YM has been exclusive either so it's probably time to discuss that -- a rather distasteful conversation. And when I was trying to figure out what to do with R., I thought the potential of a real man who really liked me outweighed the importance of some occasional friendly sex. I didn't expect it to come up (so to speak) in a casual setting. I figured if I met somebody I liked who had relationship potential, it would be awhile before I had to make the decision and as I told R., if he were local, I would not have been so quick to jump in bed with him.

This is ALL so new to me, I have no idea how it will go...but of course, you all will be the first to hear!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 7:09pm
I say Good For You!

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