stuck in limbo!!
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| Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:31pm |
need your opinion here as I dont seem to find a way to understand.
I met the guy online few months ago , he was living in a different country and had this on off FWB relationship. Once he was back to my city and settled here, I thought things will change between us so I held off on the sex part. we still meet for dinners, drinks... and he is also avoiding any intimacy and it is so obvious. (I did invite him once to my place for tea "ONLY TEA" after he walked me home but he said he had to go)
I said fine he is not interested, I m not the insisting type so I tried to be just friends because I honestly like him.
But I then started to feel he gets annoyed whenever I mention to him that he is my friend. He is very careful about his appearance around me (which is really like the first stages of dating when someone is trying to impress) also he keeps asking if I m seeing someone and if I have any plans on seeing someone!
I dont know where we are stuck. He certaintly does not act like a friend but also does not want to be FWB anymore. He does not seem to be ever going to ask me out either! when we go out he always pays! so what is going on?
Is there a fourth possibility that I missed?
PS: for you who have been long enough here this is the guy who lost his mom last month and now he got laid off so could he be simply depressed? I would not mind sticking around as a friend but I prefer to know first what he considers me. I know the best would be to ask him but it will make me look interested in more which I am only if he is!

It seems to me that you prefer being "stuck in limbo". I think a while back we told you to give him some space. Yes, of course, he still could be depressed but since he is not communicating you are only guessing.
In the future, don't allow yourself to be involved in a FWB situation; and then hold off on the sex because you want more. What's that all about??
It seems to me that you both are not clear about what it is you want! Either have a discussion with him or move on or as the other poster said "busy yourself with other things or another person."
Also, I think what you are doing as far as not bringing up anything about being more is a gooood idea. Guard yourself. He can address the situation without beating around the bush if that's what he wants.
Just my 2cents.
"also he keeps asking if I m seeing someone and if I have any plans on seeing someone!"
So what is your answer? How do those conversations go? Clearly you are not in a 'relationship' with this man so you can and should be dating whoever whenever you want, all options are open.
"He does not seem to be ever going to ask me out either! when we go out he always pays!"
I'm confused, how are you going out if he never asks you out?
"I know the best would be to ask him but it will make me look interested in more which I am only if he is!"
So ask. Just the facts though... previously you had the FWB thing, now when
I know I should keep my options open but I dont meet interesting men even with OLD.
I met few who were decent but either no chemistry or with terrible attitude so I stopped OLD.
This guy talks to me whenever as if we are friends...
I ve made a mistake once when he asked if I have plans on dating someone and I said yes and it was not him. so I guess he got the impression that I m not interested. Honestly I m interested but I also feel that our chances of working out are slim. still I would like to give him a try since he is the only one who pikes my interest right now and I used to enjoy his company a lot but now he acts distant and weird.
I ve become friends with a previous FWB so I know I can do it if he accepts. the only thing that bothers me is that things are very awkward between us now when we meet but we still like to meet!
I feel I need to talk to him and it will be about his distance not about whether he is interested or not kuz if he wants to be in my company he should not be distant!
Recently I have learned the art of patience. I, too, always wanted to tie "what we were" down fairly quick but you know the experience of not knowing is fun as well. Just relax and be there. A friend at start is the best option and who knows. I would continue looking and just take it slow.
Most importantly...breathe.
F