stuck in limbo!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
stuck in limbo!!
9
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:31pm

need your opinion here as I dont seem to find a way to understand.
I met the guy online few months ago , he was living in a different country and had this on off FWB relationship. Once he was back to my city and settled here, I thought things will change between us so I held off on the sex part. we still meet for dinners, drinks... and he is also avoiding any intimacy and it is so obvious. (I did invite him once to my place for tea "ONLY TEA" after he walked me home but he said he had to go)
I said fine he is not interested, I m not the insisting type so I tried to be just friends because I honestly like him.
But I then started to feel he gets annoyed whenever I mention to him that he is my friend. He is very careful about his appearance around me (which is really like the first stages of dating when someone is trying to impress) also he keeps asking if I m seeing someone and if I have any plans on seeing someone!
I dont know where we are stuck. He certaintly does not act like a friend but also does not want to be FWB anymore. He does not seem to be ever going to ask me out either! when we go out he always pays! so what is going on?
Is there a fourth possibility that I missed?

PS: for you who have been long enough here this is the guy who lost his mom last month and now he got laid off so could he be simply depressed? I would not mind sticking around as a friend but I prefer to know first what he considers me. I know the best would be to ask him but it will make me look interested in more which I am only if he is!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 4:06am
I still haven't figured out what's so great about this guy. I think you need to busy yourself with anything and anyone else. Seems like you keep hoping he'll behave differently towards you. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting - words I think about daily.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 9:00am

It seems to me that you prefer being "stuck in limbo". I think a while back we told you to give him some space. Yes, of course, he still could be depressed but since he is not communicating you are only guessing.

In the future, don't allow yourself to be involved in a FWB situation; and then hold off on the sex because you want more. What's that all about??

It seems to me that you both are not clear about what it is you want! Either have a discussion with him or move on or as the other poster said "busy yourself with other things or another person."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 9:05am
With all of the changes he's gone through recently (losing his mom/moving), it sounds like he may just need some stability and someone to count on. You have to watch out for that cos once he gets settled he might venture out and completely ditch you. ...That limbo phase you're in seems to point to that. If I were you I would not get emotionally invested in this man. It's okay to talk to him as a friend like you are doing but you should also keep up a wall and date other people. I would put up a healthy distance between you and him...don't be so available (in the nicest way possible).
Also, I think what you are doing as far as not bringing up anything about being more is a gooood idea. Guard yourself. He can address the situation without beating around the bush if that's what he wants.
Just my 2cents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 9:08am
It's really hard for both sides to go back after having sex and a FWB relationship to just being friends without the benefits.
heather 5-18-10
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 11:33am

"also he keeps asking if I m seeing someone and if I have any plans on seeing someone!"


So what is your answer? How do those conversations go? Clearly you are not in a 'relationship' with this man so you can and should be dating whoever whenever you want, all options are open.


"He does not seem to be ever going to ask me out either! when we go out he always pays!"


I'm confused, how are you going out if he never asks you out?


"I know the best would be to ask him but it will make me look interested in more which I am only if he is!"


So ask. Just the facts though... previously you had the FWB thing, now when

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 5:51pm

I know I should keep my options open but I dont meet interesting men even with OLD.
I met few who were decent but either no chemistry or with terrible attitude so I stopped OLD.
This guy talks to me whenever as if we are friends...
I ve made a mistake once when he asked if I have plans on dating someone and I said yes and it was not him. so I guess he got the impression that I m not interested. Honestly I m interested but I also feel that our chances of working out are slim. still I would like to give him a try since he is the only one who pikes my interest right now and I used to enjoy his company a lot but now he acts distant and weird.

I ve become friends with a previous FWB so I know I can do it if he accepts. the only thing that bothers me is that things are very awkward between us now when we meet but we still like to meet!
I feel I need to talk to him and it will be about his distance not about whether he is interested or not kuz if he wants to be in my company he should not be distant!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 8:21pm
I'd blow him off. If he's being distant, what is the point in talking? Actions speak louder than words.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 1:13pm

Recently I have learned the art of patience. I, too, always wanted to tie "what we were" down fairly quick but you know the experience of not knowing is fun as well. Just relax and be there. A friend at start is the best option and who knows. I would continue looking and just take it slow.

Most importantly...breathe.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 9:09am
Sometimes it's not a matter of whether YOU can handle it but whether HE can handle it and to me it sounds like he is the one having a hard time going back to just friends.
heather 5-18-10