Such a fool for giving him a 2nd chance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Such a fool for giving him a 2nd chance!
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 7:41pm
I promised myself I wouldn't get involved again with my ex whom I dumped a few months ago after he posted an online ad behind my back, not once but twice. We met online over 9 months ago and were exclusive. He said he missed me and wanted to work things out, but that he couldn't promise me the future (marriage) and that he still needed his space... but we could see where things go and see if something develops long-term. I said it would take some time for my trust to rebuild, but we could see eachother.

Our first weekend together I spent the entire weekend at his house, it felt like old times. Then the following weekend I asked him if he wanted to come up Friday night and I would cook dinner, he said he was "busy" because he was hanging out with his sister, but he could come Saturday night. I was upset by this (I felt like he was lying) and I think he could tell from my voice. So, the next day he e-mails me telling me that I seem upset and we really "need to slow things down". I agreed we shouldn't rush into a relationship again. He did come up Saturday and we had a nice time together.

So, this whole week goes by and he doesn't call me. I e-mail him to say Hi and he says maybe we can see a movie this weekend. Now it's Friday night and I haven't heard from him. Meanwhile I'm stupid enough to go on a trip with him next weekend (he asked me a few weeks ago) and I made the reservations with my credit card. Now I'm tempted to dump him and just go by myself! He said he would pay for half, but for all I know he will go with me, stay in this beautiful suite (I can't get a refund) and never pay me his half. Should I just take the trip by myself? It's only for a night and it's only 2 hours away. It would be lonely, but I could make the best of it and take this time to be by myself and do alot of thinking.

I just don't think he's sincere about working things out with me. I know we agreed not to rush into anything, but I feel like he's just saying "let's take it slow" to put off getting serious with me, and is just using me. I just feel so foolish for believing him..

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 8:19pm

I'm sorry to hear that.

Community Leader
Registered: 03-17-2003
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 8:38pm

Sweetie it sounds to me like he is using you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 8:49am
I think he was honest with you from the beginning and still is being honest - you telling him trust would take awhile to rebuild sounds as if you thought he was really invested in you trusting him again - he is not - he just wanted to continue dating you and have options open - which is what he is doing. My ex S (who I dated for 4-5 months then he broke up with me) - would LOVE if I would agree to see him casually, have sex with him or even just fool around, talk to him on the phone - so long as there would be no strings attached - I have not agreed to that and when I remind him that that would end up hurting me, he agrees and drops the issue (yes I have reduced contact with him to a bare minimum.

You are not a fool, you just have intense feelings for him and are acting on them but now you know you need to protect your heart. As far as the suite - bad attitude!! - go alone, bring awesome books to read and explore the area - have fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 4:58pm
Trust your instincts on this one, and I know you know what that is. It does not sound like you trust him now, how will you ever trust him in a relationship? You deserve the best. Maybe it is time to move on.