Sunday's Meet and Greet

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Sunday's Meet and Greet
4
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:00am

I had a "meet and greet" on Sunday with a nice gentlemen at a French Bistro. Very nice place and we had a nice conversation. Prior to meeting, we chatted briefly via telephone (2-3 times). Anyway during the conversation, he shared with me that he lives in an extended stay and although working (has been there 3 months) he is in the process of getting his life together. Now, mind you before the "meet and greet", he had asked me out for a date to see a concert on Wednesday night and dinner afterwards. I told him I would prefer to meet first before actually going on a date. At the end of the date he asked me if we could continue seeing each other and I stated that I didn't think we were on the same page.

Later that evening, I received this email from him:

I thought I would write you this note concerning our meeting Sunday. As I thought, I
really enjoyed your company. I think you're funny,smart,and very attractive. I think given time, we both could grow on each other in a good way. I just had one problem.
We both have imperfections. No matter who we may meet,they will have imperfections
too. I have to tell you,I was really hurt by you when you said that we weren't on the
same page. Things happen at times. There are a lot of guys that are better looking, smarter, and wealthier than I am, but I have a high sense of self-esteem, and
all the confidence in the world that in due time I will be in a better situation. I felt that out of all the good things I have going for me your focus gravitated to the negative
instead of the positive. I think that's one reason why there are so many lonely people
in the world. People want perfection, and they're not going to get it. My glass is half-full not half-empty!

**************

He called me last night and we talked and I tried to explain to him that his situation was uncomfortable. His response was I shouldn't make it my problem, and he is not asking me for anything but time in getting to know him while he is getting his life together.

Geez, why would a man tell you all this on the first date:

No residence (except extended stay -- apparently has furniture in storage)
No home/cell phone
No car
No license (got suspended a year ago and he just had a 3 month review and his boss gave him another month extension to get his license). His child support was behind so that's why he couldn't save the $700 needed for his license. He had a CDL license.
2 Children (16 and 3) (needs to go to court so he can have visitation with his 3 year old)

What would others do? Would you date someone in this predicament -- and if so, how much time? Is there a nice way of saying "I'm not interested" without judging him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:09am

There is a nice way to say it, and you said it in a nice way. Time to cut him off (block his calls and emails if you have to). I would not date someone in that position personally, I have my act together and I want someone who has his together too.




Edited 8/16/2005 10:12 am ET ET by firstamendment

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:14am

Look back to all the dates where you liked the guy and he didn't like you. That's just dating. Sometimes we have a connection and sometimes we don't. He's trying to place guilt on YOU which is working otherwise you wouldn't have posted this. Don't settle, this man doesn't have his act together which goes beyond imperfections. Men with a good job, place to live and car have imperfections this man doesn't have his life together yet at all which is much different then imprefections it means you are not on the same page and he knows this. Relationships are hard enough you need someone more on the same page. Go with your gut and don't feel guilty. I wouldn't have spoke to him on the phone, I would have screened his call. Send him and email and then block him. He'll keep trying --- just block him and don't take his calls and do not let his guilt get to you. Don't settle.

Sorry he's making you feel bad but that's just dating in general.

Good luck

SP




Edited 8/16/2005 10:16 am ET ET by small_peanut2005
 
 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:25am

Wow...him putting the guilt trip on you because you are understandably uncomfortable with his current situation is just not cool, IMO.

I would just email him and say that after giving it further thought, you don't think the two of you are a match, and wish him well. Then *block* him, because he's obviously the type who will try to change your mind.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 11:03am
WOW!
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