Taking a break...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Taking a break...
18
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 11:32am

Well, I've decided to hide all my profiles for at least a month or 2. I have a few guys I'm talking to, but can't handle any more right now. I'm not even sure my heart is into dating right now with 2 jobs & a crappy schedule at that. I told clingy guy in an email after he asked this:

I'm curious to know how you feel about me. The only reason I ask this is because I don't hear from you very much, and we're constantly having to postpone getting together. I know that circumstances were beyond your control on those dates, and that work
keeps you a little busy. I've offered to meet you after work to get a coffee/soda
and talk, but I guess that's not possible. I think you're simply amazing. You're the first date I've had in a long while that constantly challenges me. I can't remember ever being beaten at so many games before, and I liked the challenge. Plus, you're a great conversationalist with wit and charisma, not to mention that your looks are not hard on the eyes in the least. Maybe I moved to fast on our first date, but I don't regret it.....not even when we were busted. Please tell me how you feel, and don't feel the need to sugarcoat anything.

I just told him flat out that I was feeling overwhelmed by work & life right now & found that I had zero energy for dating anyone right now. I haven't heard back yet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 2:20pm

Hey kitty...


Do you think you will hear back from him? Or do you really want to?


K

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Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 7:40pm
I told him in my email that I'd like to be friends at least, but that I can't promise anything. I mentioned that I believe in fate & if anything is meant to be, it will wait. Blah, blah. I actually do like him very much as a friend, but I don't think I like him in a romantic way.
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Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 7:52pm

His email to you sounds very sweet.

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Avatar for travkitty
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Registered: 11-05-2003
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 7:55pm

He IS very sweet, but also a bit too eager for my personal relationship style. Maybe I didn't feel it because I've been thinking I was needing a break even before we met. Sometimes timing is everything & if I'm not in the right frame of mind to click with someone, I probably won't.

I still haven't heard back, by the way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 9:45pm

hmm- his email actually sounds very sweet and adoring. he really liked you.. why did you think we was too clingy? just curious?

and how lng was it did u give him a chance?

Avatar for travkitty
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Registered: 11-05-2003
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 10:09pm

Well, he would call AND email me several times per day. When I was working my part-time job on the radio, he showed up on my "e-quest" list with several requests for songs like "Take A CHance On Me" by Abba & stuff like that. I know once he called my cell phone about 5 times & left 5 voicemails within 15 minutes. Since I'm one of those people who, even in a relationship, don't have to see or talk to my boyfriend every day...I really embrace my independence, so this just turned me off because if he acted this way after one date, I was imagining him trying to be a part of every aspect of my life & me not having any separate interests. I'm a proponent of the "you", "me" & "us" not just "us". He was also talking about wanting to meet my cats & parents, all after one date. Just too much too soon.

And he was a poor kisser, which doesn't help. Oh, to be honest, he caught me off guard when he kissed me. We were in a 3D maze & he took a separate route & startled me around a corner with a kiss. I wouldn't have kissed him otherwise. I just felt no chemistry in the kiss. I had a fun time, but no sparks on my end. Then, with the extra attention afterward, it just overwhelmed me in a bad way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 10:44pm
yah that is a bit freakish after date one.. gotcha there!
Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 11:10am

Well, I still haven't heard from him, so he's probably pissed, or very disappointed, or both. Well, he told me to not hold anything back. Since he was calling and emailing me every day, to not hear from him must mean he doesn't even want to be friends, which is his loss, I guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 11:19am

Kitty, it seems to be it's bothering you that he hasn't contacted you... Want to ask you something: If you were into a guy who just wanted to be friends, would you really attempt to be friends knowing that he didn't feel the same way?


I'm wondering (and if I'm out of line, you can beat me in my head tomorrow night) but I'm wondering if you almost wanted him to try to talk you out of taking a break or breaking up with him? This thought crossed my mind with your intial post because I think if you were 100% sure of your choice, it wouldn't even come up that he didn't email you back.


Just some thoughts to toss around. Again, if I've overstepped my boundaries you can kick me. Virtually at least. LOL


*hugs*

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Avatar for travkitty
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Registered: 11-05-2003
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 11:24am
To be honest, I was hoping to be friends. I only moved back here in March, so I only have about 3 friends here outside of my family (everyone I knew before has moved away) so I was totally hoping to keep him as a friend. Frankly, I think after one date anyone should be able to be friends with someone, even if you liked them in a more than friendly way. He even mentioned that 2 of his best friends are women that he dated for a few months each, so I know he's capable of it. Then again, he sounded almost like he was putting me on a pedestal in his email, which makes me uncomfortable as hell, so maybe he was really thinking I could be the one or something. My ex-fiance (the guy who calls girls chickie) put me on a pedestal, too, which I thought was great at the time, but then when he realized I wasn't perfect, he got cold feet 2 months before our wedding. So, I don't want a guy to worship me...I want him to love me for my warts. :) But I digress...It wasn't that I didn't enjoy spending time with him, it's just that I didn't feel any romantic chemistry with him. That's why I'm disappointed that I haven't heard from him.


Edited 9/18/2005 11:27 am ET ET by travkitty

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