Taking down my profile while seeing him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Taking down my profile while seeing him?
10
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 3:53am

this is not about him.
I m actively looking for a job. I need to move desperately and I really hate my job.
I felt it is pathetic that I m looking for both BF and a job at the same time so I decided to take down my profile.
Now there is one guy I met online and really liked. He is still on the site obviously. and I m sure he will check for me one day and wont find me. Would that be misinterpreted by him? We meet every now and then (since he travels a lot - 3/4 of his time) so when we meet we have a lot of fun and spend 5-6 hours together and sometimes stays over.
Should I tell him I deleted my profile because I m busy looking for a job? I dont want him to think I met someone else nor that I m head over heel in love with him! I feel it is better if I say it casually in a conversation...

Julia

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 9:01am
I'd tell him only if he asked. I take it you're not exclusive so none of his business why you do what you do with your profile.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 12:49pm

Agree.

If he does ask just say you were overwhelmed with mail and you can't correspond with all the men writing you and look for a job full time. This way it lets him know you do have "other suiters" after you so he doesn't take you for granted too early on thinking he's the only guy you're dating, wink!

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 12:56pm
To each their own, but I wouldn't lie.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 1:02pm
Agreed. With something like that, it's too easy to get caught if you are not communicating with several other men. I agree tho that don't say anything until asked. If he makes assumptions, he assumes wrong but don't put the cart before the horse. If he asks, just say that you were so busy with work and wanted to be able to focus your energy on that area of your life without a lot of distractions. That's the truth.

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Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 1:10pm

I agree with what Vexer just said (scary how much we're agreeing nowadays). :)

Annie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 1:44pm

But it's not a lie. She took it down because she doesn't have the "time" to write back these guys or search for other dates and wants to focus on her job search. She seemed concerned he would think he took it down for just him when that's not it at all...nothing wrong with him not knowing either way if she has other guys in the pipeline.

Also adding it is just a suggestion - she should do what makes her feel comfortable. She asked for ideas of what to say if asked and this is one way - the others are great too.

Good luck with the job search to the OP!!!!
Peanut




Edited 12/18/2005 1:49 pm ET by small_peanut2005
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 1:57pm
It's a lie if she doesn't have other guys in the pipeline which from the OP, I got the impression that this is the only guy that she's seeing or communicating with right now but not because she is exclusive with him but because she's too busy. If there are other guys she's communicating with, then I still don't think that has to be brought up specifically. She can simply say that she wants to focus on her job and finding a new place to live which is all completely true.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 2:02pm

As I said it was just a suggestion, not a lie as she took it down as she didn't have time to search...but your idea sounds good too. I only suggested that because she seemed concerned he would think he's the only guy she's dating hence why she took it down. But the more I think about it you're probably right; stick to the facts---

SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 2:03pm
What other guys are you talking about? There's no mention of them in the OP. Yes, it is a lie if it's not the truth. Telling someone you've taken down your profile because you've got too many prospects when you don't is a lie. And if you want to get right down to it, I don't think the OP is being honest about why she's taking down her profile. I think she wants to be exclusive with the guy mentioned in the OP and if he sees her profile down, he'll ask about it thereby opening communication regarding said exclusiveness. I would guess that it's 20% wanting to concentrate on finding a different job and 80% wanting the guy's attention. I could be wrong but that's my opinion right now and from previous posts from the OP regarding this guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 2:09pm

She's had other guys write her I would imagine like most of us we do get a lot of mail, now whether she chooses to "write them back" it's her call. But I see what you mean, just playing devil's advocate and you're right she should stick to the facts - I see what you're saying - she just seemed so concerned he might think she took it down for him.

I don't know her story, haven't followed so as far as her wanting to be exclusive I can't comment on that.

Good thread though!!!

SP