Taking the plunge . . .
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| Mon, 06-06-2005 - 2:49pm |
An update to last week's dilemma about whether to get back together with my ex of over a year ago . . .
I saw him Thursday night and he told me he wanted to get back together. I asked why he thought things would be different this time, and he said first that he would try harder (wrong answer IMO - I don't think that effort alone is enough) and then that he has given this a lot of thought and really worked on himself over the past year and improved a lot of things in his life that he was unhappy with back when we were together - and from what I have seen so far, that does seem to be true, he has made a lot of changes in his life and seems happier. I asked if he would consider seeing a counselor together, and without hesitation he said yes. In the end I told him I would have to think about it and would be in touch.
I knew pretty quickly that I was going to give it another chance, but it took me a few days to think of how to structure things differently so that we don't make the same mistakes as before, and also to get myself to a place where I felt comfortable with my decision as it was giving me major palpitations. Saturday he stopped by and gave me a dozen red roses and a card - sweet, but a little strange as I was not expecting to see him. But he didn't linger, just dropped them off and was on his way. It probably sounds pushy on his part, and in a way it was, but I had already made up my mind at that point, just wasn't ready to talk about it.
I called him yesterday and we met and I told him that I wanted to start seeing him again. I did tell him that I have pretty serious reservations about this, and that I wanted to take things slowly and not stop seeing other people right away, and he agreed with that.
You all may be right and things may not work out - yes, the odds are against it - but I have to at least try. I care about him too much not to, and I know how much he loves me. He said that breaking up with me is one of the biggest mistakes he has ever made and he wishes he had counted to 10 instead (i.e., been less hasty). I do believe him, though only time will tell. I know that love alone isn't enough to make it work and without a lot of work we could end up exactly where we were a year ago. But I think that we have both made some positive changes in our lives in the past year and we do have a plan on how to do things differently (seeing a counselor, regularly scheduled "talks" - as one problem we had before was lack of communication on both sides) and hopefully that will get us on the right track. Already we are talking much more openly than we ever used to, and last night we talked through some of our old issues in a positive and constructive way. If we are able to continue with that, I think we have a chance. :)
If things don't work out, yes I will be heartbroken, but at least I will know for certain that we aren't meant to be together and I will be able to walk away without doubts or regrets. I know that I would regret it if I walked away now, and I really try to live my life without regrets.
Anyway, thanks to everyone for your thoughts and perspective. I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not, but I think that in life sometimes you have to take a chance (well, a calculated one anyway :) - so here I go!

Well there are a few in my closet that I wouldn't mind being given the opportunity to go back with them.
CL-Truewild1969
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Ginger, So many people would make a hasty decision to get back together without weighing all the facts. I admire you for taking your time and thinking things over before giving him your decision. IMO you are definitely approaching the situation the right way, with your eyes wide open. Good Luck!! I really hope things work out for the two of you. Keep us posted.
All the best,
Libra
Thanks TW & libra. :) I will keep you posted!
There are no hardset rules on affairs of the heart. IMO it seems to me that you are taking your time and being honest about your feelings and expectations. People change, and I admire your X in stepping up to the plate, declaring his love, and within this past year dealing with his issues.
Time will tell the outcome! Good Luck and keep us posted!!