taking profile down

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
taking profile down
4
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 3:46pm

Hi,

This might seem a silly question... I've been dating my guy for 2.5 months now. We're in a relationship and acknowledged each other as girlfriend/boyfriend. There is one little thing that bothers me: he has not taken his profile(s) down. The one on Match shows that he hasn't been active (he didn't use that anyway), but the one on Chemistry (where we met), I have no way of knowing. He mentioned before that Chemistry kept sending him emails "Someone is interested in you!" and he just ignored them. I think I asked him at that time, "why don't you just inactivate it?" and he said "maybe I should" But I didn't push for it any further because we've only dated for 1.5 months at the time. I already took my Match profile down (even though I still have 3 months paid membership!) but left my Chemistry one up. I feel silly to take both down if his are still up. If I ask him about it, would it seem too controlling or insecure? And how should I bring it up? Thanks.

J

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 4:43pm

I don't understand...if you're exclusive, why *wouldn't* you ask him to take it down? That's part and parcel of being exclusive, at least to me it is.

That would be a dealbreaker to me, personally...if we're exclusive, then you don't have any profiles up, period! And if a guy has a problem with that, then we are not a good match.

And how is wanting your boyfriend to not be advertising for dates controlling or insecure??? I don't understand that, either. If it's important to you, have the courage of your convictions!

I would just say something like, "I know we didn't talk about it when we agreed to be exclusive, but I don't feel comfortable with either of us having profiles up on dating sites. I've already taken my match profile down and am planning to take my profile on Chemistry.com down tomorrow. Is there any reason why you don't feel comfortable taking yours down?" Then let him talk, and see if there is...but if there is, then I wouldn't consider your relationship exclusive.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 10:10pm

i had this issue w/my guy.. we never even discussed exclusivity and he just assumed we are.. one day i brought it up /what we were and he said i thought we discussed this..(he thought because we discuss monogamy and stuff) but anyhow i said well then if we are exclusive don't you think out of respect we both take down our profiles. he agreed and I never questioned it since.. we both took them down

the funny thing is i knew he was on a few sites but he didn't know i was on two. he got an email from yahoo as me being the "catch for the day" we met on match.. he came over that night as mentioned it ,and i said oh really.. i figured it bothered him,but know ing him now i could never see him telling me to take it down.. he just left his up and i did mine until I said something..

so just ask.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 1:07pm
If you have both acknowledged exclusivity, then i would absolutey see nothing wrong with asking him to take down his profile.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 1:27pm
Thanks! I just talked to him (through IM) about this. He apologized and said that he honestly hadn't thought about them, nor had he logged on to those sites (he added, "take that as a positive, please"). He also immediately closed all his profiles. So, that was done. :) Thanks a bunch for your assertions!