Taking things slow
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| Tue, 12-06-2005 - 9:41pm |
I suppose this is a good thing.
I met a guy on Nov 5.....we've had 3 dates thus far and it's been a month. Basically I've seen him every weekend except for the two when he was away (before and after Tgiving). It's been about 50/50 with both of us initiating. I talked to him tonight on the phone and although he mentioned "the next time we get together" type of conversations, he hasn't asked me out for this coming weekend.
I am all for taking things slow and feel, when I'm with him, he is interested. I guess I just don't want to overlook the "he's not into me" thing, if that's the case. Should I expect to see him at least once a week at this point?
Physically we've only hugged and on Saturday night he gave me a quick kiss.....nicely paced, I think, so he's not rushing anything and that's good. His messages are consistent at this point.
I know I should continue seeing/meeting other people but to be honest, I'm tired of meeting other people and have hidden my profile for the time being. If he ghosts on me or it doesn't continue I can repost my profiles.
I am overly sensitive about this subject because it was what broke up me and my last boyfriend. I want to do the right thing here. I've met 5 men in the past few months and he's the only one I'm at all interested in. Any insight?

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I'm the same way. I just don't like to date more than one person at a time. In my experience, once I was smitten and the guy had also indicated his interest, I would take my profile down. By then, I just had no desire or motivation to meet other men until I knew where things were going with my new interest.
With people I was meeting for the first time, this wasn't a factor. There have been times I met two people in one day. And I have had second or third dates with guys while I was meeting other people just because none of them were really sparking an interest.
Do what feels comfortable for you. I don't think there's anything wrong with hiding your profile. You want to see where things go with this guy so you want to focus only on him. I personally think this is the right thing to do because then other men out there who might be interested in communicating with you won't have false hopes about your availability or openness.
Good luck.
SBC
Omg.....I just looked at his profile again and it now says his location is NYC. That's 90 miles from where he lives in PA. His first line of the profile states that he's new to the city and loves it.
You better believe I sent him an email pronto asking about this. This better be a mistake......why would he lie? To have a different dating pool? I wonder if he is moving and he didn't mention it to me?
I know I've only been dating him for a month, but I feel sick. I thought I was a much better judge of character.
Wow. Hard to imagine how that could be a "mistake" though.
There are a LOT of people who do not reveal their true character right away. It takes a good 3-6 months of dating to really see what someone is like. Don't beat yourself up over having misjudged him, in other words.
Sheri, I know....but geez, I really liked him and I meet so many men that I am not interested in. It's just disappointing.
I wonder if I should just send another email to him right now telling not to contact me anymore or if I should even bother waiting for an explanation.
I wouldn't bother writing to him again. You'll have to let us know what if any "explanation" he gives.
And I hear ya on the disappointment...I finally meet someone I like after months of boring guys or bozos...and he's moving soon. What are ya gonna do...you have to laugh or else you'd cry, right?
Sheri
Well, and then you have other people who fall right into good relationships very easily. It just doesn't seem fair.
Two weeks ago I was emailing back and forth with 2 men that I was sincerely interested in meeting.....and they ghosted on me....both of them at about the same time.
There are no new prospects out there right now. Pooh.
Not sure what to say except that strange things happen and people aren't always what they appear. There's a few young ladies on this board that could tell you some horror stories about that one...
See what he says and go from there. I'm hoping there's a legitimate reason for it all...
Good luck and let us know what happens.
I feel your pain and all I can say is, we have to hang in there for each other. I just got out of something with an online guy very recently and am having trouble being optimistic about future OLD prospects. It's tough especially after you've experienced all the warm and fuzzy feelings that go with a new interest and then it blows up in your face. What's a girl to do?
I think you should keep your profile out there and try not to get too down about this guy. Focus on other things until you can feel excited about finding matches again. I am going to spend more time with friends and put more of my focus into work and I think those things will make me feel good again about my worth as a companion and a productive individual. I'd like to do some dating so I can continue meeting new people and enjoy myself without getting too serious.
Also, how about meeting people in other venues? Today my friend invited me to her gym and I thought I'd check it out not only because it's always a good idea to stay in shape, but it would be another possible way to meet new people. Are there cultural events in your town that you can attend?
Stay strong!
Thanks, guys!
I immediately put my yahoo and match profiles back up....I, also, had about 8 other ones up on various sites that didn't get many hits. I may put some of them up again.
I want to stay busy and do things with friends but all my friends are married and busy. It's so hard to find others to do things with.
I wish this wasn't affecting me so much. I have to get up in less than 6 hours and now I can't sleep.
Kerstynclare,
When I'm in a funk and feel really alone, I watch lots of movies. Time flies by when you're watching several DVDs back to back.
You might have been following my threads, but I had a brief fling with a guy from OLD. We never got to boyfriend/girlfriend status (though the schmuck told me the last time we were together that he considered me his girlfriend--fortunately I knew better than to believe THAT), but we did start sleeping together and he made all kinds of grand claims about his feelings for me, which made the end of it all quite painful for me. I'm determined to move forward, have deleted all traces of him in my inbox and cell phone, and trashed him up and down on this board and with girlfriends. I know in the grand scheme of things this will be but the tiniest footnote, if at all, in my life. This doesn't make it any less difficult and while I am moving on in the most determined way, I must also acknowledge the hurt that I feel.
I also know from experience that I'll feel a whole lot better in a week. Time does wonders for things like this. I've been through much bigger disappointments involving people who had far more significance in my life and if I got over those, this will be a piece of cake. The first day is the hardest. The second will be better, the third even better, and then come Saturday, you'll look back on this thread and wonder why this got you so down.
In the meantime though, as you continue to date, cultivate interests and friendships that you can find consolation in should you ever find yourself in this kind of position again. I'm also at an age where my friends are getting married, so this motivates me to make new friends (there are still single people in their 30s) and take on new interests that will occupy my time and further open me to new networks of people. These things are not just distractions from the disappointments of dating, but enriches my life greatly.
But most of all, have faith that time will heal this wound. We should check back with each other next Tuesday and I bet we'll both be like, "Who was that guy I got so worked up over? What was his name again?" : )
Take care,
SBC.
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