A Tale of Two OLDs
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| Sat, 06-11-2005 - 8:57pm |
First of all, I am a newbie to OLD. A friend suggested that it would be a good thing for me to do. This is the situation. I have had contact from two OLDs, the first OLD and I had our first meet within the first 3 days, and we usually have daily or almost daily contact either by email or by phone or both. Our first meet was very good. We met at a coffee shop, and talked almost non-stop for about 2 hours. It was all surface stuff, but the conversation was good between us. And we have a lot of things in common. The 2nd OLD is the question. We have not met yet, and they are also new to OLD. Eventhough they say that they are on break from taking college courses for the summer,I rarely hear from them by email, and have yet to have our first meet, which will be in a few days. When I do hear from them, the answers to the questions that I ask are vague. Meantime, the 1st OLD and I are about to do a 2nd meet in the next couple of days. My question is this: Is it an issue of the 2nd OLD being new to the whole concept the reason for their lack of contact, or am I reading this all wrong?
Any input from the group is appreciated.

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...why are you playing the pronoun game? ;)
It actually might be helpful knowing what gender we're talking about here, as we all know men and women do often behave VERY differently.
That info aside, it's possible date #2 might just be smart as far as not getting too involved or getting hopes up before actually meeting. Ask anyone here doing OLD and many will say one of their biggest mistakes was getting too attached or setting up a pseudo-relationship by phone/chat/email before ever meeting in person... and being disappointed. It's also wise to not reveal too much information early on since you never know who may end up being a psycho/stalker who won't leave you alone.
I say when 2 people are getting to know each other and possibly develop a relationship (of whatever degree) - when there is a difference of timing, it's best for the 'faster' person to slow down to the 'slower' person's pace. Within reason of course, if they're R-E-A-L-L-Y S-L-O-W they might just be too scared or not into it and you may as well let go.
Short answer: wait till after the first meet & see how it goes. Good luck!!
Sounds like both of them might have some potential.
Thanks. Sounds like I'm going to have a very busy summer...woohoo!!! The second OLD is acutally going to school part-time and working full time, so it may be a few days between contacts. But she did mention us spending time trail bicycling and playing golf together. Also kind of got an unofficial invitation to an upcoming cookout at her home in the near future. We maybe meeting for lunch sometime this week, depending on how both our work schedules play out Just going to be a little slower with the second OLD, due to her schedule. And I have to slow the 1st OLD down a bit. If it happens, then it happens. Am all for getting the friendship in place with both before anything else. I have to use my head above all else.
Wish me luck, and thanks for your advice.
Edited 6/13/2005 6:15 pm ET ET by bba56
Hi bb,
Welcome! This is a great group of people to talk with, empathize with and find solutions to Planet OLD.
First, and I am not kidding, try not to "think" so much. Just go and do. If these men do not roll up and ask you out, move on. If they like you, they will call. If they are dating others, and prob Are, they will call less often and email less. Be busy and they will fit in. Don't 'stop' on any one person, until you have Very good reason to. Decide what it is you Really want in a date/mate/buddy, and stick to that.
It is trial and error, and you have to try to take it 'less than seriously'. remember that while you are doing Agony 101, a man is Not. Date like a man. Go/have fun/come home. No 'futurisms' of thinking as an "Us" for at Least a month.
Good luck and return here often, it is what made my search bearable!
Best o luck
truly,
Cupcake
Hi bb,
Just read the other posts and saw that you are talking about females, but I still think that you should not forecast much, just go and have fun. Are women generally easier to date, per their being honest about things, etc? Just a ??, as I have never dated women, and sometimes these men...whew...bring on the Clairol, I get grey hair trying to figure them Out! :)
But, they ARE worth it!
truly,
Cupcake
Cupcakechic;
When it comes to dating, I don't think that there is any real difference between how males and females date theses days. Some females are not always as honest and open as you think that they should be. Some times you have to read between the lines the same way with men. But rest assured, I am doing my best to keep myself occupied outside of dating both of them. I do have my friends to keep me sane. I'm am looking at the aspect of being friends first, and if something develops outside of friendship, I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Am not ready for making choices right now. Like I said earlier, I'm going to have a very fun and interesting summer.
Thanks for the advice
>>Are women generally easier to date, per their being honest about things, etc?
I don't know if you can necessarily generalize that way...
Hi Phoenixmama,
I am so glad that your relationship is progressing so well. Isn't it great when it works so well?! I hated to start back to OLD after my breakup a few weeks ago, to get back into that routine, but I knew I had to get out there again since I do want a relationship eventually, but with the right guy.
The last guy that I had dated since January wasn't the right guy and I know that now. He was nice and had many good qualities, but that didn't make us right for eachother. But you have to see eachother for awhile before everything becomes truthfully apparent. So the search goes on... yet I did have a good coffee meet with a possibility last night, we'll see...
And to the original poster I wish you much luck with your two new friends. Just have fun and take it one day at a time.
Sunshine
Hi PHXMa,
"You don't have to be perfect, just perfect for Each Other"...applies to all. Great for you that things worked out so well! Sometimes, we are bummed at the time, but later, karma comes in to quietly Explain 'why' the thing at that time, did not work out.
Thank you for the 4-1-1, as well. I was thinking that the level of communication must be higher from the beginning, but you are Right, trust and honesty are wonderfully, 'gender-less'. That is what I have found with Tall Man, and now I realize that without it, I was Remaining on Planet Confusion with all of the "what ifs" and speed bumps I gave the other men, when they did not 'do the right thing'.
Best o' luck for you in your relationship!
Truly,
Cupcake
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