Talks about his other dates from Match

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2005
Talks about his other dates from Match
14
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 8:49pm
Hi,
I'm back after several months. I went back on Match in January. I have received quite a few winks, short letters and dates, since then, but nothing beyond second date material so far.
The latest guy I've gone out with, filled the entire conversation with all his dating experiences from Match, Eharmony, Yahoo and one other one he is a member of, his overall experiences of the four dating services, and then encouraged me to also talk about my dating experiences.
The only other thing he talked about was sports, but not very much about himself.
Some background: he has been on Match alone for four years. He also informed me he had two other dates that week, and that there was a woman he met he didn't have chemistry for, but he had to drop her an email one of these days.
This is not the first time, I've come across this.
I just felt like some buddy having a beer with him, and not a possible romantic partner.
Has anyone else had this experience?
Why would anyone do this? I went on the date for him to learn about me, and vis-versa, not about other people I don't know.
Any insight appreciated, thanks.
- FF

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 10:00pm
I would not be bothered by this. For a start it is something you both have in common so why not share your dating experience. But I agree with you telling you about other dates he will beseeing is not a good idea. Normally when guys talk to women about other women they want to meet it means they are not interested in the one listening to these stories. He might be a cool guy who is taking things slowly and wants to know you as a friend before moving to something else.
I would be wary of someone who has been on so many dating sites for so many years.
Keep your guard up!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 10:15pm

I personally have a huge issue with guys that have been on dating sites for long periods of time. I'm convinced a lot of these guys are either married or elsewhere involved and just doing this for "extra curricular" fun and attention. A month or so ago I chatted frequenly & emailed a guy who even sent me flowers (roses) to my work on Valentines Day. We had a date set up that he cancelled in a very strange, abrupt and inappropriate way, and then had excuses as to why he would not be available the next two weekends. Looking back I saw the signs and even mentally noted them, but tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Well, the signs were big red flags and I'm not ignoring them now...
BUT ANYWAY, I have seen guys who have been on these sites for the past 2 or 3 years and my first instinct is "What is wrong with this picture?" There are so many different reasons why they could be on there after so long, but in my mind none of them are good ones.
Now, I have gone on dates and talked about eachother's experiences with OLD. I don't see anything wrong with it, and in fact you can learn a lot about the person you're with by what they have to say about their dates. I do have a small problem with him telling you he needs to drop so-and-so an email or what not. I know that the guy I'm on a date with is probably dating others too, in the beginning phase of dating, but I don't know that I want to hear the fine details of it. I prefer to think he's in want of my attention only in this stage, even if he's still feeling out how all of the different dates will pan out. (Does any of this make sense?) I think I'm kind of fed up with all of this OLD and just guys in general. But that's a different post that probably won't come because I don't like to feel sorry for myself.
Everyone has their own opinion about topics of conversation and what's appropriate on dates. Just go with how YOU feel. If it makes you uncomfortable to hear about his other dates, tell him as much, and if he doesn't respect that, that's a good indicator of what the future could be like...

M


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2005
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 10:29pm
That is what I was thinking, he was not into me. There were not very many emails, and he pushed for the phone contact and date a little quickly, but I was off guard because I had a trying week that week, and just gave in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 10:37pm

Just because someone has been on several dating sites over several years doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them. I have been on Match and other sites on and off for several years with relationships scattered throughout as have many other people on this board. I am not a freak nor someone to be "wary" of. I just haven't been lucky enough to find the right person.

As for the OP, I bet he was probably trying to find a common topic to discuss, but IMO, that converstation should have gone on for about 15 mintues while you shared any funny anecdotes or "horror stories" about any OLD experiences you've had and then left it at that. To go on about other dates he's having and chemistry or the lack thereof with any of them... not appropriate. It would be a big turn off to me. I think you're right in that maybe he's more on a friend level - maybe he didn't feel chemistry with you or felt of you more as a friend and so he just started chatting with you like he would have with his friends.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 10:42pm
I think it's a good idea to meet as soon as possible instead of dragging out communication for a long time "getting to know each other". It puts false expectations on the other person of who and what they are. Meeting in person is the only way to see if you actually do like each other. Besides, aren't you glad that you met and found this out quickly instead of dragging it out and finding out down the road and wasting time on a guy that wound up not being for you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2005
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 10:42pm
Yes, I was worried initially he was a player, because he kept pushing for a lunch date on a week day, and for a specific day only. He works 25 miles from where I work. I pushed back, and said I had meetings, and couldn't meet for lunch, only after work for x, x and x. He kept pushing for the lunch thing, but finally agreed to after work. I also requested he not give me a cell phone number, but a land line, and he went with that. Still could have an s.o. though, who is not a live-in.
I do not mind that someone is seeing other people on an internet dating service, in the beginning. I think that's a given, I mostly didn't like the rundown of his itenerary. Don't know what he was trying to prove other than his popularity or that he wasn't into me.
If I had screened the profile I would have seen I didn't have anything in common with him (He is a total jock, and I'm not). Guess I will pay more attention next time. Tx
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2005
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 10:52pm
I give him and other long timers, the benefit of the doubt about being on for a long time. He and I (he more than I) are both in towns that are mostly family focused and not very single-friendly, so it takes a longer time to meet someone.
My endurance is usually three months on any dating service, but I am sticking this time. I am having fun, and am out there. Tx
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 9:25am

I think this guy is stepping over the line of what is appropriate conversation for someone they might be interested in. I have heard that you're not supposed to talk about any past relationships early on in a dating relationship, but in my dating experiences it has actually helped me to learn about the other person when they have talked about their ex-wife, long-time ex-gf or even some bad dates from a dating site. It actually helped me greatly to learn that it wasn't just women who are hurt when it comes to dating. Many men have suffered just as much (and some with worse scenarios) than I ever had, and that actually helped me heal from some past bad experiences.

However, the fact that this guy has been doing OLD for so long and with several dating sites sort of sends a red flag about his character. If he has gone out on a lot of dates and wants to talk about all of them, it would make me think that he'd be talking about the one he's on now to the next woman--that would make me uncomfortable.

There is always the chance that he could be a great guy and hasn't done this with any of his other dates because you are different, better, someone he wants to go out with again. But, I'm willing to bet he talks about all of his dating experiences (and gives too much detail) to all the women he's gone out with--maybe that is why he's still looking after 4 years and several dating sites. I'd be careful of this one until you know otherwise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 9:40am
I sometimes talk in general with guys about their experiences with online dating. It is a good icebreaker as it is something you both have in common, and it is interesting to hear how they describe their experiences. I think the strangest thing about this guy you mentioned is that he told you he had two dates that week. To me that says that either he is not interested in you romantically, or he is interested and is very insecure and wants you to know that he has other options and he is a desirable guy. Either way, not good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 10:38am
Yes, I have run into this, and it annoys the bejeezus outta me!!!

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