Tell me about it Friday

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tell me about it Friday
2
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 11:06am
Does this article seem to be right? Have you done this or are you doing this now? Share with me.

Are you are in a relationship that seems to have stalled, and you can't seem to get past that three- or six-month mark? Join the crowd. Maybe we can all learn from more successful daters.

Recently, more than 100 single men and women in their 30s, 40s and 50s came together to work on relationship skills, meet other singles and share life experiences through the group Single Directions. They pooled their life experiences and came up with a list of big relationship mistakes that adults make:

1. Creating a relationship without also building a friendship. This happens when you get deeply involved and never take time to get to know your partner or care about what really matters to him or her.

2. Not being honest about how you really feel, what you want or what really bothers you. Instead you pretend that there are no problems and go along with things. You walk on eggshells, stuffing your feelings instead of doing what’s hard: either resolving the issues or leaving.

3. Not taking care of yourself before, during and after the relationship. If you're not happy, your partner won't be either.

4. Depending on your partner for your happiness instead of establishing your own life. You expect the other person to make your life wonderful and complete. You put everything into building your whole life around just one person.

5. Forgetting that true love takes time. You start too fast or leave too soon

6. Expending all your energy on creating romance, or focusing on sex rather than working on the relationship.

7. Searching for love without knowing what you need or want.

8. Believing that if the sex is good everything else will work out.

9. Relying on first impressions to make your choices.

10. Failing to discover what went wrong in your last relationship -- and therefore making the same mistake again.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 11:26am
Hey there Marie!! Okay. Tell you about it, I will. I agree completely with everything in the article. Without all those things, no relationship can truly be what is meant to be and then there is where breakups, seperations, and divorce come in. I will gladly admit that I did not practice each one of those very things in my marriage. When you lack the qualities to make the relationship work, it ends. So, I know first hand why I am divorced. I did not do any of these things, nor did he. You go for so long and think you are doing everything expected, but you realize that you are not when it starts going sour. We have to work at relationships. Even friendsip are jobs. We have to put effort into our lives, or we get nothing back. Effort in all areas, just like the article says. Take care of yourself and you can take care of alot more things around you. You have the energy, the drive to do so. It goes back to the old saying, "You have to be happy alone, to be able to be happy with someone"

So, true. It happens to us all. We get the guy or girl, and after a we have been in the relationship a while, we tend to slack off with trying so hard. We get comfy. That comfy we feel can become the rut that we want to get out of eventually.

SO, I am agreeing with every word of the article you wrote on Marie. It is gospel! lol

Why do you think so many people avoid relationships or marriage? BECAUSE IT IS HARD WORK!! They are all hard and you have to be willing to put 100% into it or you might as well become a nun or priest. lol Goodluck to all!!!

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 4:20pm
Hi there Marie! I agree with the article as well. Friendship is a must to have a stable foundation and to be able to understand one another. I think oftentimes we dont know what that foundation should be untill we have experienced it. I know I didnt but I can surely recognize the difference now. I thought I had a good base for my second marriage but after just 10 months of getting to know my love I can say confidently that I know him way better than I knew my ex-husband over the 7 or so years I was around him. I really think that is because in relationships which begin online you are forced to communicate much more, its often the only means of getting to know each other at first. Where as in relationships which begin face to face it easy to be overwhelmed with sexual desires or simply fun activities without actually getting to know who the person is. Its scary to me how little I actually I knew of my X, yet was with him daily for 5 years.

Thanks for sharing the article!

Winter