Telling the Parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Telling the Parents
27
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 12:01am

I've been talking/dating a guy that is 7 1/2 years older than me online for about a year now. I recently decided to let my mother in on the situation. While she is taking it better than my father probably would, it's still not quite as good as I had hoped. I was just wondering if any of you had been through the experience of telling your parents that you are in an online relationship and how it went for you? I wouldn't mind some tips on helping to ease the paranoya (sp?) that my mother, and most likely my father, will be feeling for a while... Thanks for the help!

RzOnMrcury

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 1:31am

HI Rzon,

Do you mean that you all have actually been going out for a year, or is this strictly happening thru emails, and online?

If you all have been dating a year, how about setting up a casual lunch for this man to meet your folks? No one said you can Only meet family when you are deep-dish serious. This might help them set aside any fears/worries they have, when they say he is a "real" person and a nice guy. You are not asking him to do much by helping you to soothe their feelings, so if he balks on this, I would have to think about That. It is Just lunch and nothing more, and you can tell your folks, ahead of time, that you all are not thinking matrimony,(yet?) so please do not take that trip and Ask about it.

I take it that you are quite young (cool that!), and as a parent of an 18 and 16 year old, I can tell you that we read and see So much on the news about internet predators, that I can see where your parents' worry comes from. Making them feel more comfy about this shows your respect for them.

Keep us posted, please!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 2:31am

To answer your question, I met him thru Yahoo! and we started out chatting on IM and emailing, and moved on to phone calls pretty early in the relationship. He lives in West Virginia and I in Texas so we try to make the most of cell phone unlimited long distance plans. :-) I am 22 and he is 29, going on 30. I finally got the guts to email my mom about him about a week or so ago. She hasn't mentioned anything about him to my father, yet. Not too long ago my mom expressed to me that she has always had the feeling that I would be the first of my siblings and I to get married or date seriously. I definitely feel that way too and am getting pretty serious with this guy, his name is Dan. Dan has been really supportive while I have been dealing with telling my parents. We want to meet soon, but it's doubtful that he will be able to meet before next March. When we do meet, he will be coming to me. He is comfortable with my parents being there with me at the airport to pick him up/greet him. He's given me the password to his email account so that I can check it when he doesn't have access to a computer. I have talked to his 5-year-old niece, not to mention he's told his immediate family and some of his extended family about me and according to him, they all seem to like me so far. I guess the thing that makes me so uneasy about telling my family about him is that I have felt like I have been under the shadows of my brother and sister for so long. My sister, 32, is a doctor and my brother, also 29 but 6 months younger than Dan, is a campus minister. I am still in college, a semester away from a BA in Biology and starting work on a teaching certificate. I dunno...what would you guys think if you were my parents, knowing all that I've said in this post?

RzOnMrcury

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 5:23am

>>We want to meet soon, but it's doubtful that he will be able to meet before next March.

Dan's really nuts about you. And he cannot meet before next March?

Damn this board is starting to get good. Who needs reality TV?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 6:20am
Yowza!! You haven't met in person yet? I can completely understand your parents' viewpoint. It's not the age difference, it's the "I'm in love with someone I've never met" that blows their mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 6:59am

>>I dunno...what would you guys think if you were my parents, knowing all that I've said in this post?<<

I am old enough to be your mother.... if you were my daughter, i would slap you silly and tell you to wake up and smell the coffee...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 7:41am

I'm old enough to be your mom too. I think it's not the age difference, but the fact that you haven't met. That is the aprt I wouldn't approve of.

LG was a little abrupt, but he he said it quite well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 8:06am

<<...that they'd been talking to someone online for 6 months, thought they were their soulmate, but couldn't meet for another year -- milk would probably not stop coming out of my nose for at least half an hour...>>

LMAO!!! STOP!! I swear!

And I DO NOT think you're a bitter, awful pr**k! Sarcastic and a bit dry in your delivery, perhaps. But I usually get a chuckle or two from your posts!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 9:23am
why can't you meet until next March? Texas is not THAT far from W. VA? Is he married and the divorce isn't final until then? That would be one of my concerns. Yes, you have been talking to this guy for a year but you're not DATING him. When have you gone out? You're getting some criticism from people on this board not because they're being mean but it's because some have been there/done that..and don't what to see anyone get hurt. Again, I just don't get why you can't meet. There's got to be more to his story.
Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 10:13am

I've been here before, although we didn't wait as long as you have to meet. Please, please, please don't wait until March to meet this man. I know you don't want to hear this because what you are feeling FEELS very real to you. I know you think you that what you feel in your heart is love for this man- but the reality is you don't really know this man. You only know what he wants to tell you. You have no way of knowing if any of what he is telling you is true. Just because you have the password to an email account doesn't mean he doesn't have OTHER email accounts. You have spoken to his FIVE year old niece?? What about the mother of that child- his sister or brother??

Until you two spend a significant amount of physical time together and intigrate each other into your lives, you can't really love him. Right now you love the idea of him and the fantasy you have created of the two of you in your mind. Please don't give anymore of your heart to this guy until you have met and one of you decides to move to where the other person lives.

Good Luck...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 11:24am

1)Sorry I didn't use the search button, I'm pretty new to iVillage so I didn't know...

2)Dan has never been married and is not currently married.

3)I have spoken to one of his sisters (the mother of the 5-year-old niece), as well as his father.

4)I know exactly why he can't come visit/meet me until next March, but I would rather not discuss that because it's very personal and important to him.

5)I told him I don't know how long ago that while I do really like him and want to meet him, we can't become anything more until we actually meet, and if we decide that we want more, he has to move here for several reasons.

6)I never posted that I loved him...I do feel very strongly for him, but I know that until we have a face-to-face relationship, I can't really say that I love him.

Any other questions?

RzOnMrcury

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