Telling the Parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Telling the Parents
27
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 12:01am

I've been talking/dating a guy that is 7 1/2 years older than me online for about a year now. I recently decided to let my mother in on the situation. While she is taking it better than my father probably would, it's still not quite as good as I had hoped. I was just wondering if any of you had been through the experience of telling your parents that you are in an online relationship and how it went for you? I wouldn't mind some tips on helping to ease the paranoya (sp?) that my mother, and most likely my father, will be feeling for a while... Thanks for the help!

RzOnMrcury

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 10:30pm
OK, but did these people go a year and a half without meeting? Absolutely, you can meet anyone anywhere online - game rooms, chat rooms, dating sites (she met this guy on Yahoo Personals). But the part that doesn't work well is when people go months or years talking to someone online without meeting. A huge percentage of the time, this is NOT a good thing because of the expectations that you build up about this person that you don't even know outside this one context.


Edited 6/16/2005 10:47 pm ET ET by vexer_hw

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 3:47pm

My girlfriend went close to 2 years w/o meeting her online love... They met... and now 3 years later, are happily together in real life.


Yes there's risk involved, but at the end of the day, so long as you're willing to accept the consequences then it's ok.


What doesn't work for one, doesn't necessarily not work for another...

Kerry


If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting... -- Les Brown

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 4:40pm

That is wonderful for your friend but I think that situation is definitely the exception rather than the norm. I think that anyone giving advice such as this owes it to the person that they are saying it to the knowledge that of course it CAN happen that way but a good portion of the time, it does not so be prepared for the consequences. But as you said, as long as they know those consequences and are prepared, then you bet - they can do whatever they want. I don't think anyone out here is demanding that this girl dump this guy but they rather they are letting her know that 95% of the time, these kind of situations don't usually work out well.

And yes, while no one single thing works for everyone, there are certain guidlines that work for MOST people. While perhaps we should always temper our responses with an "In my experience/opinion" or something like that, isn't that what people come out here for is answers? If those of us that have BTDT can say "this is how it worked for me so you should be careful", why should we not say it? Every person that comes out here is an adult capable of making decisions and all anyone is trying to do is offer advice based on what they have experienced.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 5:10pm
I am really curious about something. Is the rate of success for our definition of OLD any better? To be completely honest, I know more couples that have been successful after months of talking on line and then taking their relationship offline, than couples that are successful for longer then 6 months after following all of the OLD "rules" some accept as law on this board. In fact, I don't know anyone that is currently in a happy and healthy relationship after meeting someone on match or any other dating site. The internet is flooded with people that misrepresent themselves, whether or not someone chooses to have a long distance online relationship does not necessarily raise or lower the chances that someone is being dishonest. I do agree that perhaps it would hurt more to be disappointed after investing so much, but that depends entirely on the person. Some people are hurt more easily then others and some people are less apt to be overly disappointed, no matter the circumstances. Dating stinks, there is no way to predict the outcome of a relationship with any certainty because people are unpredictable.
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 5:24pm

And I am not saying it is. I know people that have met on an OLD website and are now happily married. And of course it depends entirely on the person. But as I said, "in general" these type of guidelines work for most people. It is not to say that they work for everyone or that someone couldn't break every single "rule" that we talk about and still live happily ever after. But again, why bother to come out here and ask for advice if you don't really want to listen to the answer. All advice is is someone that has experience in a situation (or sometimes even NO experience, just heresay or whatever) telling you their experience and telling you of the positive or negative consequences. And if we can't express our opinions, again, why bother coming out here.

As long as what they say does not violate the TOS, anyone can say what they want. If people are too sensitive to deal with it, I hate to sound callous, but too bad. If they are going to deal in the real world and the world of OLD, they have to have tough skin anyway. If they can't deal with some comments from people that are honestly trying to help even if their methods may sometimes be more direct than we like, that's a shame. Besides, anyone also has the right to ignore anyone's posts that they wish or not read them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 10:20pm

I've been seeing my boyfriend for seven months.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 1:14am

Hi Rzon,

As always, those here have the Best of intentions--Please listen to them, because they Do care!, but I am noticing something that I see often in my 18 year old son..he knows So much, and I know nothing! We have a great relationship and he is Finally beginning to Listen to me about Life, and things are going well for him. I did Not get to 49 without a few bumps, bruises and stitches in all ways. What I am saying, is that it seems that when someone comes up with a legit worry, you are throwing down a 'speed bump', and ignoring The Real.

I live in Texas too, and the last I looked, WV was Not at my back door. There is NO way for you to know the truth about him and No way to verify whom you have spoken to on the phone, as his family. Yes, I Hope this is the real Thing, but those here are trying to prepare you for the fact that 99% chance ,it is not.

Continue a mild relationship with him, but Please date others locally. My 49 year old 'sense' tells me that within a month, you will meet someone cute, fun and interesting who takes you out often and shares All of his life with you, and this other guy fades quickly. I say this...offer him a ticket to see you and see what happens; tell him it is paid for, how Quickly can he come? He can fly in and Out of your city in One day, if need be, as meeting you is important.

Live...don't wait.

Truly,
Cupcake

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