Testing him

Avatar for leanne78
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Testing him
5
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 6:25pm
My boyfriend and I met on match.com 6 months ago and have never been happier together. He is the light of my life, and I think I am to him. After a month of dating we became exclusive and took our profiles down. Last week I found out he visited match.com and now I'm really upset. I have no idea if he still has an account, has it hidden, and is writing women or he was just browsing. I'm over at his house usually all weekend and he lets me use his computer all the time, that's the strange thing. He knows I could possibly see what sites he visits from the URL box. He's not dumb. Anyhow, now I don't know if I should confront him and risk him saying "you don't trust me" or "you're a snoop". OR I could post a fake profile and see if he writes her...then I will know for sure. But that's deceptive, I know. Or sometimes I think I should let it go and leave it be, because everything has been so wonderful, not a sign in the world he would ever cheat or leave me. I'm confused!!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: leanne78
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 8:48pm
Did you post about this on the Dating Doyenne board yesterday? It sounds like a familiar situation if not...you might want to see the responses *she* got!

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rldatingdil&msg=21356.1&ctx=512

In any event, the upshot of the various responses was that it's best to bring it up in non-accusatory way and see what he says. Doing a false profile would definitely NOT be a good idea at this point!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: leanne78
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 9:24pm
Maybe he signed on to show a friend how it operated? Please do not do the fake profile - that is really degrading to him and you can't even use any information you might get.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: leanne78
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 10:27am
Well, I would like to welcome you to our board, since no one has yet.. :) It is nice to see new situations with questions. My personal opinion on this matter would be, just ask him if he ever goes back on match.com( in a joking way). Keep it light and see what he says. If you two are so close and everything is going so well, then dont stop trusting him right away. Ask him about it, and talk to him and see what he has to say. Chances are you probably are getting upset for no reason. I would not go to all the trouble of putting up a profile. If he is cheating on you or something of that nature, you playing games with him is only going to make it worse. Just ask him, and be an adult about it. I wouldnt worry too much, it sounds like it might have just been curious. Maybe to see if you had been back on there!! lol You never know what his answer will be until you talk to him. Be honest and open and you will see it will all work out. Goodluck to you and hope you keep us posted!!!

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: leanne78
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 11:13am
Just ask him...Because you are comfortable in his house,use his computer,I think you should be honest to yourself and him about this thing.It isn't a minor issue as it is how you'll met..so it played a big part in you'll getting together....So 'Don't make assumptions'(good or bad),just ask and what he answers and how he does is upto you to decide.....

Using another ID on the site dosen't really work..u catch him cheating on you with other you and confront him?He will only say that you were cheating too..it becomes an agrument...and u end up defending youself instead of confronting him.....

Playing games is a waste of time...clear the matter,be honest that you saw it on his comp and wondered and hear what he says and what he dosen't almost say.

anya.
Avatar for leanne78
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
In reply to: leanne78
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 5:50pm
I actually went looking online for a single girlfriend, so I can not make assumptions about why he was on there. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. I actually was at his house all day Friday when he was at work, and told myself I'm not going to look on his computer..what good would it do? Nor will I post a fake profile. Our relationship is great and he has been as sweet as ever to me, so I'll just trust him, and pay attention to his actions to tell me he's not being faithful (I have been through it before..so I know the clues). Thanx.