is there such a thing as player?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
is there such a thing as player?
11
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 3:48pm
or maybe we call "player" people who for one or the other reason don't want to date us.
Sometime I think we call "player" a person who just haven't found what they are looking for given that, of course, there are people out there who just enjoy the trill of hurting others.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 4:26pm
from my personal experience, yes I think there is such a thing as a 'player'. Just recently I went out with someone who was such a smooth talker, very very charismatic. And a dreamer, talk about living in a fantasy life!! He was 42, single, never married, no kids. Talked about quitting his job and living on a sailboat for a year. Talked about running away with me and buying a house on the water to live...all after just one date. He went on to say how gorgeous or sweet I was in almost every email...blah blah blah...turns out he was doing the same thing with 3 other women. I thinked he was "playing" me to see what I'd say. I don't know, maybe that's just normal dating!! I think he's the type that enjoys seeing how many women he can get to fall for him. I would consider him to be a player ( or just a jerk!!).
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 4:54pm

A "player", to me, is someone who lies to get what they want. Example: they want sex, but they know YOU want a committed LTR. So they look deep into your eyes and tell you that's what they want too. Then once they get you to sleep with them, they're out the door, and you've been "played".

But so long as someone is honest about what they want, I don't consider them to be a player.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 5:34pm

If you want to see my definition of a "player" -- rent this movie. One of the main characters is the best example you'll ever see.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 5:36pm

>>He went on to say how gorgeous or sweet I was in almost every email...blah blah blah...turns out he was doing the same thing with 3 other women. I


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 6:25pm

>>What makes this different than any other online dater -- I submit that one of the requirements of online dating (unless you get very lucky) is to be maintaining contact (aka dating) several women until you can decide to focus on one.<<

However, a player is one who maintains dates with several women at the same time with no intention of EVER deciding to focus on one...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 8:00pm
LG, I've seeing this movie. You know, I am not sure I would clearly identify that guy as a player. He appeared pretty confused to me. Remember how he told his sad friend that he really thought of giving up everything and to stay in California with that girl and than he thought maybe not because he would have a better material life with the other girl. But he did think about it. A player is someone who deliberately takes advantage of someone, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 8:02pm
Personally I think what many people term a player is actually just someone who isn't into them and at the 11th hour decides to go with someone else - despite having shown all the signs of being really, really interested.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 8:09pm
yes, my point exactly:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 9:33pm

I think players do exist, as I've dated one or two in my life! Often cleverly disguised as "nice guys", they are anything but and are constantly on the lookout for the BBD, to have their egos stroked, or simply- to spread it around. Blech.

Sadly, players can be found in just about every age bracket too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 10:46pm
IMO, players are men who claim to love women but are really misogynists to the core.


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