Things that make you go hmmm...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Things that make you go hmmm...
20
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 8:43pm

Well, on the discussion of what/when is appropriate to talk about sex. A recent eHarmony match has me wondering what to do. In his "Must Haves/Can't Stands" he has"

Passionate...... I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding.

Affectionate...... I must have someone who is comfortable giving and receiving affection.

Chemistry...... I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.

Uninterested...... I can't stand someone who does not enjoy having sex on a regular basis.

And then he freeformed his questions and said:

Is there a difference between having sex and making love? If so, what?

And all this from a guy that doesn't even make his picture available at this stage! I'm torn because I just don't know. Nothing he's said is "offensive" per se but to me it's just not something I share with someone that I've never even seen his face yet and not sure if I'd want to even CONSIDER sex with him. I don't know if I want to close him, call him on it or kind of ignore it and go on.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 9:01pm

Sorry but that guy would TOTALLY turn me off with all that crap. In his PROFILE?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 9:16pm

On eHarmony, there are 4 stages of communication and you can make your picture available in any stage. I don't usually communicate with guys that don't have a picture and kind of waver on ones that make it "available at a later stage of communication".

But no, this isn't in his profile per se. It is in the 2nd and 3rd stage of communication. The second stage is the Must Haves/Can't Stands and the third stage is open ended questions. This is where it occured.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 9:25pm

IMO, he uses the word sex far too much in his profile, no matter what stage. What I would get from that is all that is on his mind is sex, sex, sex...no matter what stage of the game he's in!!!
The pic thing, I usually avoid em if they don't post one. Call me superficial, but the first thing that makes me look at a guy's profile is his picture. If the initial physical attraction isn't there for me, it never will be. Just something I have learned about myself.
But again, I don't like any guy who just wants to talk romance and sex and what not before I even know his middle name.

M


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Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 9:45pm

On the must-have/can't-stand, I wouldn't read TOO much into it, but the question would put it over the top for me. Is there sexual stuff in his 'profile' text too? if so, that would be enough for me to close it.

Of COURSE there's a difference between having sex and making love, can't we all assume that every grown adult knows that??

But, it might be worthwhile to give a short answer, which includes your preference to not go into detail on sexual subjects until later? If he backs off, cool, if not, then close the match... I'd be curious enough and you really have nothing to lose at this point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 9:54pm
That's kind of how I'm leaning. You know, say something like "Of course there is but personally I prefer talking about that kind of thing later on... such as after I've seen a person's face! How about you show me your picture, we can chat a bit more and we can figure out if we want to discuss that later on?"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 2:20am
Hmmmm. He sounds like bit of a horn dog to me. If I read something like that, I'd probably raise an eyebrow (or two) as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 7:23am

Ok, I'm gonna throw a wrench in here and it's not going to be popular, but so be it...


Many men I know have been or are still with women who do not like sex. The guys are lucky if they are sexually intimate with their SOs once

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 9:03am
In the must haves/can't stands, he doesn't get to choose the wording that goes along with his choices. In other words, he chooses passionate and the verbage with it is what eharmony has for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 9:22am
Girlfriend, hit IGNORE!!! If not, my first question would be WHERE IS THE PIC?? I wouldn't have any dialogue with him until I saw a picture.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 9:51am
Nope, that's how I looked at it. And I responded to him with something along the lines of what I said to PM. I know that I also could not be in a relationship where sex was unimportant or non-existent. My very first real relationship was like that and until I knew better, that's the way I thought it was. Once I found out that sex once a month was NOT the norm, I wondered about things. Anyway, so we'll see. He did respond back again and his answers were kind of funny.

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