Thinking of settling...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thinking of settling...
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Tue, 02-14-2006 - 3:37pm

This isn't strictly an OLD question, although we did meet online. But I respect this group and value your opinions so I'm posting here anyway.

I'm seriously thinking of settling for less than what I want for the time being at least with the guy from CL (the spontaneous date from a few weeks back) because I'm so tired of waiting for what I want and not getting it. It's been 8 years since I was last in a LTR (which I define as one lasting at least 2 years)...I've had relationships of varying length from 2-18 months in that time that haven't worked out for a variety of reasons (I've ended some; the guy has ended others) and have been on countless dates...but I am no closer, I feel, to getting what I want...a loving, healthy relationship leading to marriage.

So, maybe it's like the Rolling Stones say...you can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes you get what you need. I'm really tempted to just say screw it and get involved with this guy, even though I think the chances of it leading to a LTR are very slim (he just seems very happy with his life as it is and doesn't seem to want the obligations of a relationship, even though he says he's open to one). On the plus side, he makes me laugh, we have several common interests (esp. music), we always have fun together (we've been out 4 times now), and he is *hot* and a really good kisser ;-)! It would sure be nice to have sex and companionship, even if it's not leading to a LTR. On the negative side is the near certainty that I will get hurt when things end (or just get frustrated), plus I will be taking myself off the market for the possibility (slim as it seems to be) that I'll meet someone who's right for me who wants what I want.

I'm thinking that since I emerged *relatively* unscathed from my fling with Amazon Guy, maybe I really can do this without getting *too* hurt (but it did hurt some, that's for sure).

Ugh...I can't decide. I am talking to my counselor about this as well as some good "IRL" friends but would appreciate thoughts from you guys.

Sheri

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 3:56pm

Thanks, Kiki...believe me, I hear you! If you read through the rest of the thread, you'll see why I'm thinking of giving up on that dream as being unrealistic for me.

It's not what I want...but I honestly don't know if I want to be alone for the rest of my life rather than settling for the occasional Mr. Right Now.

Anyway, as I posted a little earlier today, it looks like it's moot with respect to THIS particular Mr. Right Now...so maybe that's good and maybe my optimism will resurface.

Thanks again.

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 3:59pm

HJM, I just wanted to say a particular thank you...I have to say, I'm not feeling very remarkable today, that's for sure, but I really, really appreciate the sentiment.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 9:30pm

Sheri,

I'm sorry the guy ghosted!! Not to get all soft and fuzzy on you, but I do believe it's the universe's way of answering your question for you. Now you don't have to settle.

I know it is hard to keep a positive outlook, but I hope a few days/weeks will change your perspective and bring back your optimism.

Have a great weekend.

TG

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 5:35pm

Wellll...turns out I was premature thinking he'd ghosted. He called last night...he's been sick all week and still isn't 100% so that's why I hadn't heard from him. We didn't make any plans to get together since he's still not feeling great but he said if he hadn't been sick he would have liked to have seen me last night. We shall see...

My chances of returning to an optimistic outlook any time soon took a big beating yesterday though...I got a check in the mail yesterday from my disappearing ex for some money he owed me (we haven't spoken since Nov 11--he just stopped calling/emailing after 1.5 years with no explanation). There was no note with the check or anything...he can't even say he's sorry. He knew sending it with no note would hurt me terribly but he chose to do it anyway. If I weren't going to be unemployed as of Feb 28, I would have torn it up and sent it back to him. But common sense prevailed and I deposited it but I was and still am furious and hurt at his lack of common decency. Oh well, it just is another indication that he's not the man I thought he was...and I certainly wouldn't want to be with the man his actions have shown him to be. I'm especially upset because I was *finally* really feeling like I was moving on after 3 months...but this was a big setback.

Sheri




Edited 2/18/2006 5:38 pm ET by northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 5:56pm
I don't understand how people can be so cold. I'm sorry. That would have hurt me too. At least you got your money back. I hope it doesn't bounce.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 6:03pm
Well, that's good that he didn't really ghost. Believe me, I know what it's like to be sick and be accused of ghosting. Happened with a few guys a few months ago. But when you're sick, the last thing you want to do is put effort into meeting people, you know?




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