Thumbs down to his updated profile

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thumbs down to his updated profile
9
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 11:21pm

I was contacted by someone - we emailed, talked on the phone and quickly arranged a first meet. The meet went very well. He was a nice guy and fun company. No red flags presented at any stage.


Today I decided to have another peek at his profile. It was updated a couple of days ago. I am totally turned off by the new version. He comes across as so bitter, cynical and negative. Basically, he writes nothing about himself but has a nice long rant going about women who don't respond to emails and women who won't give the time of day to a guy who doesn't have a college education - even if he makes a lot of money. This rant does not sound like the same guy I met last week. In fact, if this was the profile he had posted when he contacted me I'm sure I would have "NEXT-ed" him.


Now, I don't know if I'm ever going to hear from this guy again or not, but for argument's sake, let's say that he does call and wants to go out again. Do I mention that I saw his new profile? And do I advise him to go back to the old version, which was so much better.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 12:21am

Hi Hoov,

Wonder if he had a run-in with the ex? Sounds like someone, somewhere, ripped off a band-aid....I might hesitate to tell him that the other profile was much more attractive to other women, might sound critical? Maybe say that you noticed that his profile had changed, as you went back to read it, and were somewhat surprised by the changes. Mind you...you did not dime out whether it was "good" or "bad" surprise...let him fill in the blanks, while you bite your tongue. Don't tell him what You want to hear him say, ask and sit back for his version.

I did shy away from men with that axe grinder edge..just did Not think they had their relationship goggles fog free yet...still seeing All women as the 'one that done him wrong', and we All lose, when that happens. No one can climb that wall! If you like him, give him a chance. Talk to him while you are with him, if possible, and he will see that you are just interested in his reply, it is Not a challenge. If...however,you are feeling red flag-ish...Ding! Next!

Cupcake update: Tall Man is Wonderful, in a word! He keeps me so happy and I am really growing to love his personality, integrity, and the relationship and Friendship we are developing, day by day. I meant to be His 5 feet of Heaven, and he has returned it by being My 6' 2" of Heaven. Cool that! We are going up North to meet his Mom in May. The Cupcake Above the Mason/Dixon line? You bet! :)

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 1:25am

I think you gotta run with what you know of the REAL guy. The profile (and updated profile) are part of him, but a small part.

We're often talking in here about how we need to meet early, so we don't get too much of an impression strictly off of a profile; well, the same principle applies here, I think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 10:41am

Need to add something....


When I looked at his profile yesterday I noticed that he was no longer coming up in my searches. At first I thought that perhaps he hid his profile. Today I looked again and found out the real reason. He now lists himself as a non-smoker - and he does smoke. . So he's also lying now.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 11:59am

Hi JH....


Your OLD

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 12:00pm

He tweaked his profile to include a rant against women, now you have found him out in a lie. I would say that would most definitley be a red flag for me! I can smell if someone smokes and I would not be happy or "impressed" to find out on a date that he lied!

Leads me to wonder what else he's lying about?

Just my .02

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 2:36pm

I'm with a happierme on this one. Lying about something as important as whether or not you smoke isn't a good sign. On the other hand, it could be a mistake. For a long time I had myself listed as a non-drinker in a profile. It was a pure accident because I drink occasionally. I also forgot to check that I prefer non-smoking mates, so I wound up meeting a smoker once who was happy about my non-preference. I went back and changed all my preferences right after meeting him.

I'm not sure what's going on with your guy, but you may not want to worry about it until you hear from him again. You may not hear from him again.

I have to say though that the rant against women thing really gets me. For me it is a red flag. A profile is a way a man presents himself to women who might be interested in becoming serious with him. Who would want to go out with someone who up front is showing that he has an axe to grind?

I went out with a guy last year for three months. We had a really nice, albeit too fast relationship. He had all kinds of problems and all kinds of lies on his profile. He lied about his age and his educational status. I also came to see him as a man who was basically mad at the world and had a chip on his shoulder. The kind of person who presents himself to the world, flaws and all and says, "This is me, take me or leave me." When the world then leaves him, he gets angry. But I digress. I brought him up because months after we broke up he put a rant in his profile, a very detailed rant about women who did not respond to his emails ... Since then I associate rants with that type of guy, someone who's just angry at the world. I would stay away.

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 2:44pm
I just realized that in my last post I didn't really answer your initial question which was if you should bring up the changes he made to his profile if he contacts you again. I think I probably would. I would say something like, I noticed you changed your profile. What made you do that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 8:08pm

JH,

without yet reading any of the other responses, I am going to say that you should not bring it up at all. I think the most important thing is how he presented himself in person, and a nice guy who was fun (and no red flags as of yet) is somewhat rare. Who knows what would make him post such a negative profile -- maybe he has just had a few really bad experiences in a row and he was venting through his profile.

I say just forget about it and hopefully none of that negativity will show through in real life.

Good luck,

Eric

Off to read the other responses now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:26am

Hi JH,

I have avoided guys who complain about women and the things we do - always bagage from past relationships that they just aren't over yet. But I can understand why this one is a little confusing at what to do as the meet went well and you had interest there - then the profile changed - it is a little strange.

Like one poster said - you may not hear from him and then the problem is solved, but maybe give him another meeting and see how he is then. I might say something to him about having read his profile and that you noticed that he changed it and just see what he says. That way you haven't said if the changes were good or bad.

Good luck!
Sunshine