Time to take profile off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Time to take profile off?
3
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 5:08pm
Hi, I have been dating my dream man for 3 months now after meeting him online and talking for 1 month. Things are going SOOOOO well, but when I went to show my friend his pic (that was in his profile) I noticed that his account had been active within the last three days. Why would it be active, why would he be checking? It has made me nervous because he dumped another girl for me. How should I deal with this situation, and how long does one have to be in a relationship before you take your profiles down? Thanks for any advice!
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 5:17pm
there is no rule or timeline, it's whenever you talk about it & both agree to it. Never assume you are exclusive until you've explicitly mutually agreed on where you're at. Always assume you are both free to see as many other people as you want until you've had that discussion. If you're wondering why it shows he was online, just ask. Face to face.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 5:18pm

If you haven't had a specific discussion about exclusivity and taking your profiles down, then you're not exclusive, and there's nothing wrong with him having his profile up and be dating other people.

There's no set time frame for that...it's up to each couple to determine what's right for them. Personally, I'm not comfortable sleeping with someone unless we're dating exclusively and we've both taken our profiles down, so I make sure we have that talk before we sleep together.

If you HAVE discussed and agreed to exclusivity, yet he still has an active profile, then he's lying to you, and that almost always ends up being a dealbreaker.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 5:23pm

OK, the age old question. We haven't had this one in a while, though!

First, never assume anything until you have talked about it. There is no timetable for relationships online or otherwise. Unless the two of you have specifically talked about becoming exclusive and taking your profiles down, you are both free to keep looking and to have your profiles up despite how well things are going. Three months is a good time frame to have this conversation so you might want to bring it up casually, if you are comfortable. Say something along the lines of "hey, I was going to delete my profile because I don't want to really keep looking for anyone else. What do you think?" That way, you are not pressuring him to take his profile down, you are not pressuring him into commitment, you are taking it all on you.

Second, just because he has been active recently doesn't mean he is looking but it doesn't mean he's NOT. Don't ask him about his being active. Instead approach it from the taking your profiles down perspective.

Third, the fact that you were "the other woman" is always a little disconcerting. He might be somewhat of a player or might be always on the look out for the BBD (bigger better deal). Maybe not.

You'll never know anything until you ask him about taking the profiles down in a calm, non-confrontational manner. You don't want him to think that you are checking up on him or anything like that. But it is about time to figure out where it is going. Good luck but make sure to keep it light!

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