Tired of OLD!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Tired of OLD!
9
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 8:05pm

I started OLD in November and I set myself a personal goal of trying it for 3 months. I have read all of your posts and it fascinates how all of you deal with OLD.

Everytime I have to meet someone I get SOOO nervous... It amazes me how I have read that some people meet someone new almost every night. I have met a total of 3 people (today being my 3rd) and I'm meeting someone this week for lunch. One was very arrogant, the other one there was no connection and the one from today totally misrepresented himself online. He was very overweight (I don't have a problem with that) but he said he was "average" and in my profile I indicated that I lead a healthy lifestyle and work out regularly. He should have been honest.

I'm tired of the whole process of OLD. How it starts with a smile, then an email, then chatting on MSN, then maybe a phone call and then the dreaded meeting.

I think the "conventional" method of meeting people - where a person sees you and there is some sort of chemistry and then followed by a date seems "easier" in a way.

Sorry for my rambling - just wanted to express my experiences - but I would be interested in hearing other people's views to this. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2005
In reply to: sdearest
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 8:17pm

I would like to meet my Mr. Right like they do in movies such as "Love Actually". But just to keep busy I dabble with OLD. I don't take it that seriously because it can be hurtful, deceitful, and a total pain in the butt. It's not romantic at all. I really want to be in the grocery store and see *him* in one of the aisles. And every time I go, I hope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: sdearest
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 8:29pm

I'm starting to agree.

I've been OLD for about 9 or 10 months now, and have met I think 8 people in person. They all seem great through e-mail and on the phone, but then the meeting is a big letdown. I've only met 2 people that I'd consider dating, and one ghosted after one date, and the other decided he didn't want me as a girlfriend after 2 months.

I realized last night while out at the restaurant/bar on one of my first meets, that I miss the process of seeing someone across the room and thinking they're cute, and flirting with them.

I think that if this other prospect doesn't ever get to the point of a meeting, I'm completely giving up on OLD. I'll just have to start going out with my friends to bars again, although I can't say that I've ever met a "relationship" guy at a bar.

Chemistry and physical attraction is so important to me, and I'm just not getting that out of OLD...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
In reply to: sdearest
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 10:42am

I hear ya! It's really a crap shoot!

I've been doing OLD off and on for about 6 years, and basically the relationships that lasted the longest were ones I met from everyday activities. The ones I met on OLD haven't lasted. Mainly because there are just not a lot of guys around me that take it very seriously. So while I have a profile up, I don't get much interaction from it and I don't have a lot of faith in OLD. I think it's great for some, but for me it's just not the way to go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
In reply to: sdearest
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:28am
I think the best way to do it (for me anyway) is to limit the emails and phone conversations before meeting. With most people, we emailed once or twice, had a phone conversation to set up a meet, and then if that went well, made another date. I think it kept me from ever getting nervous about meeting someone because there weren't really any expectations. I didn't know much about them. I think if there's too much contact before you meet, it's easy to get your hopes up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
In reply to: sdearest
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 8:02am

I haven't had any luck at all with online dating. I have tried eharmony, perfect match and now match.com and I haven't met one match for myself. I would much rather meet someone in real life and sense some sort of chemistry first before dating. I had better luck in bars than online dating which isn't saying much. I wish that there were other places to meet single men. It seems like once you get out of school the options are limited. Once my subscription to match.com is up I think that I will take a break and try to pursue other avenues of meeting men. I know that some women on this board have had luck with online dating and this is great, but I don't think that I have the patience to go through hundreds of men or more to find a match.

Karalyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: sdearest
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 9:16am

There are plenty of great men on OLD, there are plenty of great men that I meet through everyday activities.

But to be honest with you, I am not finding the type of men that I want to marry through either avenue. I know there has to be a better way. There seems to be a common thread with all the men that I meet, after you get to know them for awhile they are asking themselves...what will this woman do for me? It's all about them, selfishness is their theme.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: sdearest
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 11:09am

Trust me you are not alone. I started OLD about 5 years ago and actually got lucky -- met a guy and had a 1-1/2 year relationship. I became the "star of hope" for some of my friends who encouraged me to do it and now it is 5 years later, and most of my friends have NEVER had a relationship from OLD and as for myself it seemingly has been more difficult to meet men who are truly sincere about wanting a relationship. I've been taking breaks much more frequently and at this juncture have refused to pay the fees. As of January 1, I removed all my profiles from every site; they were still posted even though I was not a paid member and just feel that when the time is right I will just meet someone the old fashion way -- IN REAL LIFE!

Things I've done is increased my social circle, so I'm being invited to more events and am hopeful that during the process I will meet someone. If not, that's cool too, because I'm doing things that I enjoy and having fun.

Ironically, I was on Craigslist the other day looking for furniture and Sheri stated she met some nice guys from there and so I browsed the personsals. I found 3 ads (not laden with sexual overtones) and wrote to them. As soon as I did that, I immediately felt like, "here we go again" why are you doing this again. Anyway all 3 guys wrote back and thus far have been chatting w/all of them. Trust me, I have NO expectations and my thought process is they will ALL have ghosted by Friday.

Anyway OLD is another avenue, but for me I think the majority of my "meeting men" was through OLD that going forward I would prefer that OLD be the minority and me getting out more and socializing be the majority!! The disappointment, frustration, rudeness and sometimes disrepect of OLD is a bit much and for me it zapped my energy that I found myself socializing and hanging with friends less. I don't like being in that place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: sdearest
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 5:07pm

I have done OLD a few different times over the past year and a half. Reading all of your posts made me think about the men I've met that way... I had two "sorta" relationships out of it, that lasted five weeks each. Everyone else was a date or two and no spark.

Ugh. Now that I think about it, I'm not the biggest fan, either. I've always had a positive attitude about it, but when I think of the *quality* of the connections, it's just not there. My long-term relationships were always with people I met in real life.

Time to find new, real life avenues for meeting folks I guess. If anyone has found great ways to do that (specific groups, places to go), please share!

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: sdearest
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 5:28pm

I have not had much success with OLD either. My only "relationship", if you could call it that, through OLD was one that lasted only 3 weeks (hunter/Harley guy).

Since then, I have talked with several other guys and was going to meet another guy who has now decided that he's on the road too much with his job--which he is. We never met at all, so I have no idea if that would have worked out regardless.

I will say I believe it is possible to meet someone and make it work with OLD, even with all my lack of success. I believe it can happen and does for a lot of people. There simply are no eligible guys where I live. I have actually had more dates and interaction with single men since starting OLD in June than I ever had in the last 6 years of being out of a relationship. Even with my disappointments with OLD, they aren't any worse than some bad blind dates I've had this past year that were set up by friends.

One problem with OLD is finding a guy who is as interested and willing to make the effort as you are. Trying to work around schedules is hard regardless, but it requires both people to make some compromises in order to meet and date. I continue to run into men who aren't willing to make that sort of effort. Until that changes, I will have to be content without someone special in my life.