Tobi here! I'm back and need more help!
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| Thu, 10-20-2005 - 7:15pm |
Okay... all you wonderful people who are itching to continue posting to my old thread -- come on down! Especially you, Hal. You had me dying with your last comment, there. Too funny.
So as a recap from the "morning after" we did see each other again. We had a wonderful date on Tuesday, where we hung out in a coffe shop for a few hours playing chess, and then went out to dinner. He is such an amazing man. The night before we sat and chatted online (NO debating on that, please! We like it!) about some really deep topics. The "conversation" was great. I really, really like him, and I know the feeling's mutual. We talk or e-mail or IM every day. We're going to two concerts this month. We've taken quizzes together, we're now e-mailing each other at work, and we just keep getting closer and closer. It's very nice.
Here's the thing, tho. He is a very sexual and very experienced (and very skilled) man. Now, I would consider myself to be sexual and skilled and experienced, too. But more so during "better" times in my life. I just came off a really tough two-year relationship, and I was severely depressed for much of it. My self-confidence is low, and I had put on some weight over the past 24 months. I used to be slim and svelte, and now I am the brunette version of Bridget Jones. I hate my "wobbly bits" too, and find myself doing the strategic "cover ups" and "light turn outs." Now, I have lost some weight in the past three months, and am feeling good about that, but probably have another 25-30 lbs to go. And unfortunately, I'm not muscular and nicely sculpted "wobbly," but mushy and cellulite-y "wobbly."
As you know from my last post, we did have sex. More is sure to come, and I'm very excited and happy about that. But he is already talking about lingerie and me giving him lap dances and taking showers with me, and giving me full body massages, which normally I would be ALL for. But all of a sudden I am saying "YIKES! HIT THE BREAKS!" Not because I don't want to, because I do. And I trust him enough at this point (or at least soon) to begin "playing" with him in that way. But I just have no desire to get naked in front of this man. Blech! Yuck. Nasty. I hadn't thought this through when putting my profile on Match. I never expected to connect with someone so quickly (it was less than a month). I figured I had more time to slim down and get in shape. What the heck do I do?????
Tobi

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Tobi...I understand, I was in the same position. I never wanted to do anything with the lights on.
I'll be anxious to hear what others post about this topic.
Tobi,
I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing you are a bit younger.
Just enjoy every minute of what you experience with this man and be confident because he's there and he's with you and he's happy about it. Confidence is sexy!
You go girl!
News flash he's already seen you naked.
SInce when do lights out mean utter darkness that only mice can see in??? When your eyes adjust you can see the person.
He likes you for who you are, stop with the insecurity and go with it. If he thought you were too fat he wouldn't be with you. So go for it! There is plenty of lingerie out there for you.
I'm a size 16 and I can hang from a chandelier with the best of em'...if a guy likes you/he likes you and getting sexy with him is a turnon, whatever size you are.
Wasn't it amazing when Bridget Jones was told from her man that he liked her wobbly bits? I cried buckets because I am overweight and at some point was self concious of that. But I figured that I am no less overweight clothed than I am naked. If you think they don't visualize you naked and they do so with a skewed image of your body you're wrong. They know exactly what every curve does to your beautiful naked body. My friend who ghosts on me told me recently as I have lost 31 lbs since May and plan to be of goal weight by the end of next year....he said be careful how much I lose because he loves the curves. What the magazines say about what we should look like isn't what men desire. They all don't want someone who is thin...your guy obviously likes you just the way you are and if you think when you were naked the other night he couldn't "feel" your curves you're wrong again.
This is what I do....I drop it all...clothes, jewelry and present myself naked for him to see. Get it over with...let him take your naked you into his arms and make mad passionate love to every bit of you!!!
F
What a great bunch of gals here! Tobi, I was feeling the same way many months back when I started getting intimate with my OLD guy... who I've now been with for 9 months. We dated for close to 3 months before having sex. We courted, became friends, got intimate, etc... all in the "right" order... but I was freaked about being naked because I too, at 32(almost) have about 20 pounds I could lose, and it still might not help much because I have birthed 2 babies... but this man loves me and my body. He is always making sweet whistles when I get out of the shower, or undressing, sometimes even fully dressed, after not seeing eachother for a few days, etc... he makes sure that I feel it... Well, here is an exerpt of something I posted elsewhere on another board I belong to last week:
Friday night, Mike and I went to my cousin's wedding, and since it was over an hour from his house, we had decided to book a room at the hotel nearby... therefore, an entire night with NO kids... which has happened about 4 times in the 8 months we have been together. So, I decided to ROCK HIS WORLD. I brought lingerie and candles. When we got back to the hotel, a bit tipsy I must say, I sat on the bed and listened to my cell phone messages while he went to the bathroom, undressed, etc. I think he was thinking that I was a bit "too tipsy" and he got into the bed, so I went into the bathroom and changed, lit candles, and brought them out and set them on the dresser and bed side tables... His eyes were as big as you can imagine. You see, I am not really comfortable with my body (you know, post 2 children, things are never gonna be the way they used to be) and as much and as often as he tells me that I am hot (and he never fails to be turned on) I still have this complex... along with the fact that his exwife is 23 and looks it although she has nothing going for her but her body... so he was surprised and turned on. Well, we went on to have the most incredible night that just seemed to never end. It was fabulous! I'm sure I've never looked worse in lingerie, but I've never felt better. This man made me feel like a supermodel. He always does, but now I know that I CAN and that he loved it!
That my dear, is how every woman should feel...
Hugs to you and good luck futhering this relationship! Sounds like it might be a keeper!
Kerry
Hi Tobi,
First of all, congrats! I'm glad to hear that things are going well so far. Sweety, remember this...beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. He saw your pix on Match and still proceed to communicate with you. You guys have gone out several times before actually becoming intimate so I'm sure he saw your body shape through your clothes (unless you guys live in Antartica and you wear 20 layers of clothing, which I doubt) and he still continues to go out with you. Your body obviously doesn't bother him and he likes it. To him the turn off won't be your body, but rather your lack of self confidence. Be happy in the skin your in. Hey I want to lose 20lbs and yeah I hate seeing my wiggles and the thought of "Oh what does he think about my wiggles and jiggles" but I'm in the moment and if WE are in the moment, than my wiggles and jiggles don't matter to him. Sexiness is not meassured by the size of your body but by your confidence. Enjoy him because I'm sure he's enjoying you. If you want to lose weight just set your goal but don't keep yourself from enjoying life (or him) and what it has to offer.
Kathy
Tobi,
Do you know the sexiest thing a woman can wear? It's self-confidence. It really is. I only wish I'd learned the lesson at 25 when everything wasn't dimpled or moving south, but I didn't. The truth is that it is your body. It gives you and he pleasure. Enjoy it, revel it and don't be self-conscious.
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