Tobi here! I'm back and need more help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Tobi here! I'm back and need more help!
15
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 7:15pm

Okay... all you wonderful people who are itching to continue posting to my old thread -- come on down! Especially you, Hal. You had me dying with your last comment, there. Too funny.

So as a recap from the "morning after" we did see each other again. We had a wonderful date on Tuesday, where we hung out in a coffe shop for a few hours playing chess, and then went out to dinner. He is such an amazing man. The night before we sat and chatted online (NO debating on that, please! We like it!) about some really deep topics. The "conversation" was great. I really, really like him, and I know the feeling's mutual. We talk or e-mail or IM every day. We're going to two concerts this month. We've taken quizzes together, we're now e-mailing each other at work, and we just keep getting closer and closer. It's very nice.

Here's the thing, tho. He is a very sexual and very experienced (and very skilled) man. Now, I would consider myself to be sexual and skilled and experienced, too. But more so during "better" times in my life. I just came off a really tough two-year relationship, and I was severely depressed for much of it. My self-confidence is low, and I had put on some weight over the past 24 months. I used to be slim and svelte, and now I am the brunette version of Bridget Jones. I hate my "wobbly bits" too, and find myself doing the strategic "cover ups" and "light turn outs." Now, I have lost some weight in the past three months, and am feeling good about that, but probably have another 25-30 lbs to go. And unfortunately, I'm not muscular and nicely sculpted "wobbly," but mushy and cellulite-y "wobbly."

As you know from my last post, we did have sex. More is sure to come, and I'm very excited and happy about that. But he is already talking about lingerie and me giving him lap dances and taking showers with me, and giving me full body massages, which normally I would be ALL for. But all of a sudden I am saying "YIKES! HIT THE BREAKS!" Not because I don't want to, because I do. And I trust him enough at this point (or at least soon) to begin "playing" with him in that way. But I just have no desire to get naked in front of this man. Blech! Yuck. Nasty. I hadn't thought this through when putting my profile on Match. I never expected to connect with someone so quickly (it was less than a month). I figured I had more time to slim down and get in shape. What the heck do I do?????

Tobi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 1:04pm

Hi All,

I usually only lurk these days, but I had to chime in too -- I agree 100% with all the postings, especially Chele and Linda. CONFIDENCE is sexy. How many young gorgeous-bodied women do you know who always complain about how fat they are?

I'm 48 and could also stand to lose 25-ish pounds. But my last BF was like Chele's -- it was the best sex ever, and way more uninhibited than when I was young and gorgeous. The more I enjoyed it, the better it got. It will be like that for you too. The more time you spend naked, the more comfortable you'll get. AND< it will also motivate you to get more exercise, which will make you feel better. Of course, I never did get used to broad daylight.

One of the funniest and truest thing that I learned is the difference between men and women can be summed up this way:
WE are thinking, OMIGOD, cellulite, lump, roll, bulge.
THEY are thinking (make homer simpson noise) MMMM, naked breast!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 2:16pm
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies your responses were so awesome ! I love the Homer Simpson refence, I was lol with that one. Like all the rest of you, I'm yes, you guessed it 25lbs overweight too and like a lot of of women when I was younger I had a body to die for.
When I was younger though, I felt like sh-- most of the time because I was insecure and not a complete full flegged woman yet. A lot of hard work and 20 years later, I am a strong, confident size 16, big, bodacious full grown women. Confidence truly sets you free, it improves your life across the board, and not to mention it gives you the confidence to hang from the chandelier (lol), and not hold back (better big O). Tobi, start small buy yourself a long, black (always flattering), sexy gown with stategic cutouts and crotchless panties underneath and work your way up from there, believe me he sounds like a very eager guy who's ready to rock your world ! Damn I'm jealous, but my time will come (pardon the pun). You luck girl, you ! So stop fretting, relax and enjoy the ride !
The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 7:45pm

Your name is Kerry too???


Get out!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 6:34pm

I just wanted to say what a great bunch of women you all are! It's so great hearing that women have bursting confidence even though they think they don't have perfect bodies!! I'm hoping I can learn that at a rather young age, so I can let go of my inhibitions sooner than later, and learn to ENJOY all parts of sex instead of focusing on how I might look, or what's jiggling :)

Tobi, you're a lucky girl to have such a great guy who obviously LOVES your body and wants to see it as much as possible! Take advantage of the situation, and don't let life begin only when you reach a certain number on the scale. Have FUN ;)

Alyssa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 9:41pm
Take what these women have posted and read it carefully. They are SO right on on the money. In January, I ended a marriage of 24 years. I am 43 have 4 kids and at the time was probably 70 pounds overweight. Oh yeah, and for the last several years of my marriage, my ex told me I would never find anyone who would find me attractive. I would have sex with me because he "respected my body" and all the things that had helped it look that way. By the time April had rolled around, I had lost 40 lbs and was starting to get into the dating scene. I was so incredibly scared! All I could hear running through my head were these old tapes. When we had sex for the first time, it was unbelieveable. He wasn't at all worried about the bumps and wiggles and stretch marks, etc. Instead, he was busy thinking about how good the sex was. At one point, after we had been dating for a bit, he even mentioned that he had been really nervous the first time because I was afraid I would think he was too fat. I'd been thinking he was in great shape. IT doesn't matter what your body looks like. It matters more that you are taking care of yourself and you feel confident. He's already had sex with you. He knows what you look like. If he wasn't ok with it, he wouldn't be back. Most guys I've talked to don't want girls that are totally toothpick and scrawny. If they've had sex before, they know what real women look like. Your body is amazing, even if it isn't perfect! This is just the gospel accornign to Karen. Take what you want and leave the rest.

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