Today's lunch date

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Today's lunch date
22
Sun, 08-14-2005 - 4:14pm

I met someone for lunch today.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Pages

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-14-2005 - 9:10pm

If you weren't interested in him, why did you let him pay? I'm just curious on the thinking on that...I insist on paying my share if I know I don't want to see him again, because to me, paying is a gesture of courtship that I don't want to accept if I'm not interested in having him court me...if that makes any sense ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Sun, 08-14-2005 - 10:19pm

Hi Sparkle,

That is why I try to talk to them on the phone before I meet with them. I have learned they can seem interesting in emails, but when you talk on the phone you'll get more clues to their personality (and in my case the whiney voices I can't tolerate!).

The sweating problem would have been weird for me to see also. I try to avoid outside meets in the summer when it's so hot, after all, we all want to look our best. ;)

Sheri asked why you allowed him to pay if you weren't interested in him - I see nothing wrong with him paying, even if you weren't interested in him. But I guess that is the rather old-fashioned girl in me and I see nothing wrong with him paying. JMHO.

Keep on rolling and nexting!

Sunshine

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-14-2005 - 11:43pm

To me, it's a matter of wanting to be clear in my signals. If he makes a gesture of courtship (paying) and I allow him to, then that is me giving him a signal I'm open to the courtship and want to go out with him again.

If I don't allow him to pay, I'm giving him what I perceive as a clear signal I am not interested in him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Sun, 08-14-2005 - 11:52pm

To me paying for a first meet is not a sign of courtship, but we all have our own opinions on this and that is ok. IMO, once you start dating, like a second meet, then each person has made a decision to continue seeing the other, at least for that date. But to me, the first meet is more of a screening process to see if there is even any interest, so it's not an issue of the actual courting process at that point. But different things work for different people.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 12:28am

HI Spark,

First indicator for me is that he did not ask YOU whether you would like to sit indoors, or on the patio. There are no speedbumps for this; if a man does not think of you from Date 1, then don't expect it in the future.

This seems like a NHD: No Harm Done; he got to take a pretty, intelligent girl out, and you got lunch, and found out that he did not have all the oars in the water for you..Ding! next! The more of those you go through, the more finite your search becomes, and you get closer to finding someone you Are interested in.

IMHO, and being Southern...men pay for dates. The best indicator that you do not want to go out with him is always a "No, thank you", which you Did say. Better to be crystal about it and not imply anything else, which you did well! I think the paying thing is just a personal preference. Tall Man would consider he was not being a gentleman if he did not pay,so I do other things for him, to 'repay' him, mostly involving doing things he does not have time for, but I do, with my odd work sked. Time is always valuable to busy people.

Good luck, and Do roll on Little Rock!

Truly,
Cupcake

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 1:06am

Hmmm...now, to me, thinking of the first meet as a screening process as opposed to a date would be an argument even MORE in favor of going dutch, whether you're interested or not (which is not my position, I'm just saying that logically it would make more sense if you apply that thinking). But I do see paying on the first meet as a courtship gesture, especially if it comes at the end of a first meet (paying for the meal) as opposed to at the beginning of a first meet (such as buying your latte), because at the beginning you don't really know one way or the other but by the end of the time together, you generally have a pretty good idea of whether you want to see him again or not (and sometimes you know that you don't even before the coffee has been ordered, in which case I pay for my coffee ;-)).

I don't know, I guess the best analogy I can come up with is someone you don't really know well but know you would never go out with getting you a gift out of the blue. I would not accept it because I wouldn't want to give him the wrong idea. That's my thinking on not allowing him to pay if I'm not interested.

Interesting thread!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 11:09am

Sparkle, I'm sorry he turned out to be a dud.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 6:18pm

I almost ALWAYS agree with Sheri, but I have to admit I'm perfectly happy to let the guy pay, even if I have no intention of seeing him again.

But now I feel a little guilty about it... :-)

Tracy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 6:30pm

Sorry, not trying to make anyone feel guilty about it! Maybe I'm being overly conscientious about it, who knows??? But it feels right to me, to not allow guys I'm not interested in to pay.

Apropos of which, I thought that one guy on Hooking Up last week acted like quite the jerk when the woman said she wasn't interested in seeing him again, and she wanted to split the check. I thought that was the right thing to do, and he was very ungracious about it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 8:00pm
I have no problem with him paying for me even though I didn't like him "that way".
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Pages