Too Close to Home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Too Close to Home
20
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 10:26pm

I would really like to know if other people have had the experience of getting OLD matches from people that work or live near them and/or have friends in common. I now have three guys I've been in contact with through OLD who are somehow connected to my work. This didn't happen when I did OLD last year. I hope it is just coincidence.

Elsa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
In reply to: elarisa
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 6:21pm
I've never run into anyone that I've seen on OLD (that I know of anyway, I'm not great at remembering faces). I have a friend that's on Yahoo Personals too and he pops up in my searches, but that's the extent of my knowing someone on OLD.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: elarisa
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:34am

A few years ago I met a guy from match.com who turned out lived in my same condo complex! Nuts being that atlanta is a huge city and our complex was super small, only 2 little buildings and about

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 9:10am

I keep my yahoo profile unsearchable most of the time too. Like you, I am nervous about being recognized. It is particularly tricky because the place I work for likes to advertise us all, and there is a company webpage with our pictures. So if a client or something recognizes my picture on OLD, he can match it with the company picture and make sure.

The problem with being unsearchable is that you get fewer contacts and have to do more of the work. Also, not all sites have an "unsearchable" feature. (With Match it is very inconvenient, because when you are unsearchable guys can't find your profile even if you have contacted them before.) The local site on which I met Sean-the-lunch guy doesn't have an unsearchable option at all. If you post, you post your picture.

It is a little awkward, but the alternative is not to date at all.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 9:18am

It is a toss-up. On the one hand, I like it when someone belongs to my community because not only is it more convenient for dating but much more convenient for checking up on the person to make sure he isn't a slasher. He's also, I suspect, less likely to "ghost" once he knows that you know people in common. On the other hand, if you don't like each other, it is better to be far away. Also, in my case I worry that the word will get around work that I am OLD-ing and people will think I am kind of pathetic and ridiculous. The other women my age and thereabouts who have gotten divorced seem to have accepted that they will just hang out with "the girls" now. It may be that they are realistic. On the other hand, I see no harm in trying to find male companionship. SO here I am doing OLD, and worrying about what my co-workers will think. ;)

That's great that you found a boyfriend who is such a near neighbor. May your luck rub off on the rest of us.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 9:19am

Wow! That is a "small world." Different cities too.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 9:22am
Oh well, I guess I shouldn't move to a bigger city if these things can happen in Atlanta also! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: elarisa
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 8:41pm
I say don't worry if others think that you are pathetic and ridiculous for doing OLD. This is just their opinion of you and you are doing what is best for you. How can you find that person if you don't try ya know ;-) I say more power to you for getting yourself out there and attempting to meet someone. It's so easy to stay in your comfort zone like your friends are doing and just hanging out with the girls, because then that way you don't get hurt or be thought of as strange for doing OLD, but if you want to get the reward you are going to have to try at least a little bit. Heck, I did so much online dating to the point of frustration several times and my friends thought I was crazy the whole time (although I wouldn't do it to this extreme if I were you, I would take breaks and pace myself). I would try to take things more lightly with online dating if I had to do it again but the point is, I put myself out there and tried a lot and took lots of risks in meeting up with people and because of this I think this is the main reason i found someone. I believe of course it has to do with luck some but it also has to do with persistance and the numbers of guys I dated and figuring out more of what I was looking for in the process. I think you are doing great and just hang in there and keep at it, but pace yourself and stay true to what you want. It does take a long time and a lot of dates for most people to meet someone quality off of OLD.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 10:38pm

Hi Biochic,

Having done a lot of dating in my teens and twenties without OLD, and having found it frustrating, maddening and sometimes demeaning back then too, I am going to say that OLD is not so bad. It is hard to find a "quality person" in real life also. However, OLD still has a bad rep, especially among people in my age bracket, even though studies show that OLD is the most popular form of dating for people 45 and over (or some such age).

I know it is silly to be self-conscious and humiliated about doing OLD, but it's hard not to feel that a woman my age (I'm past menopause) should just sit home and wait for the grandchildren to be born instead of trying to have an active social life and maybe a man to love by and by. The "romance" of old people has always left our culture cold.

That being said, I agree completely that one needs to keep trying, and I thank you for your encouragement and advice. I'm very glad that OLD has worked for you.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: elarisa
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 1:21am
I think it's refreshing to hear of an "older" woman getting out there and creating a life of her own and making an effort. I don't think anyone should give up with regards to being too old for OLD (sorry, had to throw that one in lol). Just because you are a certain age doesn' mean you don't have the same wants and goals of others and no one should ever not do something with regards to career, love etc etc because they feel like it's too late. My philosophy on life is that it's never to late to start something new or date or whatever......
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 9:12am

Thanks. It's interesting, at least.

Elsa

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