too early to fall in love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
too early to fall in love?
13
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 1:09am

Hi guys,

I have met this man on ym 3weeks ago and I admit I really like him, his thoughtful ways and jolly personality, which is a refreshing break from the dullness I felt since my breakup with a long time bf a few months ago. We are on different countries, and the subject about meeting up is sometimes brought up. We have made out online, but I was always the one to stop from getting too intimate. He knows I have boundaries when it comes to online sex. He said he will wait until I am ready. Lately he has been telling me that he loves me. He said it is only this time that he wakes up 2 in the morning to talk to somebody. He wouldn't do it to anybody else because he really loves his sleep. I really like him but it seems falling in love is a bit too early. Does he say that only to get what he wants? (online sex) We are both 33. He asks me about my plans in the future. And in our conversations, he mentions jobs that may be available for me in his country. I didn't want him to think I'm too eager, so I tell him the plans I have for myself, without mentioning that I am considering moving there should things progress. But last night, when he told me again that he loves me, I was disturbed. I got scared that he might find somebody close enough to catch his fancy. He always calls me hot, and I felt if he meets somebody out there who is just as hot, he would disappear. I told him that, and he said he doesn't know what the future would unfold for him, only that right now he knows what he feels for me. And one booboo I made was to ask him to tell me if he finds that girl. He said he will and I felt like I pissed him off. Any thoughts on this? I know it is too early, but I can't help thinking about this guy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 8:05am

HELLOOOOOO!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 10:52am

For your own good, please limit yourself to dating within 50 miles of your location. It takes a good 1 to

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 6:59pm
I am thinking that if things have been pretty dull since your breakup w/ your BF, that it's nice to have a guy who seems to be interested in you. But it's not real when you haven't met someone in person. He can't possibly be in love w/ you since he doesn't know you. Emailing or talking on the phone isn't the same as seeing each other in person. And I don't know how far away you live from each other when you say "another country". I mean, I don't live that far from Canada so even though I wouldn't be interested in any LDRs, that wouldn't be inconceivable (although it would be expensive) to have a short airplane flight or maybe a 5 hr drive to certain parts of Canada. But I work for a law firm that does a lot of immigration law, mostly people from China. Now these aren't people who meet on line--it's usually some friend or family member knows someone back in China who fixes them up. They talk on the phone or email if it's available & usually don't really know each other that well before they get married. You wouldn't believe how many people break up--either the person from china really just wanted a legal way to come here, or maybe the person doesn't like it here & wants to go back home. It's difficult enough to have a relationship w/o having to leave your country and go where you don't know anyone, have to get a new job, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 12:19am

I agree with what everyone says!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 7:22am
I was wondering what online sex was too. Maybe it's like phone sex only you have to write instead of talk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 2:39pm
It is. It's basically writing dirty things to one another, what you are doing to yourself, and what you would do to the other person if you were there with them, while you are pleasuring yourself. Often, a webcam is involved as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 4:44pm
Sounds like a recipe for true love to me!
sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 12:25pm

Guys,

I appreciate all your input. Yes I believe I have been a fool, but if there is one thing I am thankful for, I have learned that I am still capable of feeling for someone again. I have been emotionally bruised by a 5 year relationship with a man who kept cheating on me. I felt like an ugly stick with ugly thorns. But this guy made me feel I am still special. Although this guy is now out of my life (as of this writing-he was chatting with another girl too!), I am happy that he happened in my life. It may sound pathetic to some, but no regrets about meeting him. Thanks and hugs to all of you.. I am enlightened and hopefully will not pass this way again :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 5:26pm

I think there are 2 issues at work here.

1. Another country is an issue...yes there are legitimate men in other countries that you could conceivably fall in love with and it works out.....BUT in my experience it hasn't worked out well for me. I once met a man who claimed to have lived in New York (said he was doctor) and he was in Egypt because his mother was ill. He successfully spoke to me about symptoms I was having and diagnosed me exactly the way my dr did...but I was cautious from the beginning. He would call me regularly and it was fascinating to listen to the pray bells that rang there when we spoke. He kept pressing me to come there and I knew better than to jump a plane to a foreign land to see a stranger. When I continued to say no he ghosted on me...after this experience I had learned that it is common for someone from another country to try to entice women to their country for all the wrong reasons. FIRST RED FLAG!

2. I am a true believer in love at first sight and believe you can love someone you never met. My experience has been positive with men that live further than my state and I refuse to limit my search to just a short distance from my home. In order to do this you must be cautious and listen with your brain and not your heart.

You came to this board to ask this question so you are obviously questioning his motive or feelings. This is healthy and in the long run it will be your choice whether to continue to communicate with him or not.

Good luck on your search.

S

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 6:05pm

Can you say more about your experience with long distance?

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