too early to fall in love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
too early to fall in love?
13
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 1:09am

Hi guys,

I have met this man on ym 3weeks ago and I admit I really like him, his thoughtful ways and jolly personality, which is a refreshing break from the dullness I felt since my breakup with a long time bf a few months ago. We are on different countries, and the subject about meeting up is sometimes brought up. We have made out online, but I was always the one to stop from getting too intimate. He knows I have boundaries when it comes to online sex. He said he will wait until I am ready. Lately he has been telling me that he loves me. He said it is only this time that he wakes up 2 in the morning to talk to somebody. He wouldn't do it to anybody else because he really loves his sleep. I really like him but it seems falling in love is a bit too early. Does he say that only to get what he wants? (online sex) We are both 33. He asks me about my plans in the future. And in our conversations, he mentions jobs that may be available for me in his country. I didn't want him to think I'm too eager, so I tell him the plans I have for myself, without mentioning that I am considering moving there should things progress. But last night, when he told me again that he loves me, I was disturbed. I got scared that he might find somebody close enough to catch his fancy. He always calls me hot, and I felt if he meets somebody out there who is just as hot, he would disappear. I told him that, and he said he doesn't know what the future would unfold for him, only that right now he knows what he feels for me. And one booboo I made was to ask him to tell me if he finds that girl. He said he will and I felt like I pissed him off. Any thoughts on this? I know it is too early, but I can't help thinking about this guy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 10:44pm
Just go with your gut and don't let anyone tell you what is right for you...only you know!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 10:16pm
yes alot actually.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 6:24pm

I have been online dating since around 2002....I have met some awesome men locally or long distance. I have met someone long distance through my work and had an awesome relationship until we decided that as people (regardless of distance) we weren't entirely suited for each other.

I am of the mindset that if they don't work out as a romantic relationship there are many more categories to file them in especially good friend. I am still in touch with most of the men I have met online and the majority have gone forward and found their love and married.

In 2006 I was dating someone locally and not going well when I was online watching a sporting event that I love. I was bored and went online and searched Yahoo to find someone who shared my interest and popped in on T. T lives 3000 miles away from me and from that day in Feb 2006 we have been struggling with trying to decide how to proceed with the relationship. We met once for a few days and I was sick when he left. My house was so empty and alone and I have discouraged him from coming back because it's just too hard....I knew then that we were still too different. We have both dated others in the 4 year span and when the time comes we both know that we will eventually be apart...but not because of distance!! It's the structure of his life (he has children in the home which are raised with a different standard that I have and let's just say our political views are very different) vs mine which are not compatible BUT I love this man in so many ways and first and foremost he has been the best friend I could ask for. Sure do I wish we could be together YES.....but it just isn't in the cards for us. I am currently working on trying to distance myself from him because I do love him so much. DO I REGRET A SINGLE SECOND OF IT?? NO NO NO....If you don't expose yourself to all types of men and all types of regions you never know if Mr. Right (or Ms. Right) will pass you by.

I want to find love but at the same time all the men I have met have brought me so many things that I am a better person because of it. Will I find my love? I hope so but I won't make a list of qualities I want...I won't discriminate in looks....and I certainly will not limit my search to my own backyard because the world is a curious place and so much can happen if you don't block yourself in.

I hoped this helped!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 6:05pm

Can you say more about your experience with long distance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 5:26pm

I think there are 2 issues at work here.

1. Another country is an issue...yes there are legitimate men in other countries that you could conceivably fall in love with and it works out.....BUT in my experience it hasn't worked out well for me. I once met a man who claimed to have lived in New York (said he was doctor) and he was in Egypt because his mother was ill. He successfully spoke to me about symptoms I was having and diagnosed me exactly the way my dr did...but I was cautious from the beginning. He would call me regularly and it was fascinating to listen to the pray bells that rang there when we spoke. He kept pressing me to come there and I knew better than to jump a plane to a foreign land to see a stranger. When I continued to say no he ghosted on me...after this experience I had learned that it is common for someone from another country to try to entice women to their country for all the wrong reasons. FIRST RED FLAG!

2. I am a true believer in love at first sight and believe you can love someone you never met. My experience has been positive with men that live further than my state and I refuse to limit my search to just a short distance from my home. In order to do this you must be cautious and listen with your brain and not your heart.

You came to this board to ask this question so you are obviously questioning his motive or feelings. This is healthy and in the long run it will be your choice whether to continue to communicate with him or not.

Good luck on your search.

S

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 12:25pm

Guys,

I appreciate all your input. Yes I believe I have been a fool, but if there is one thing I am thankful for, I have learned that I am still capable of feeling for someone again. I have been emotionally bruised by a 5 year relationship with a man who kept cheating on me. I felt like an ugly stick with ugly thorns. But this guy made me feel I am still special. Although this guy is now out of my life (as of this writing-he was chatting with another girl too!), I am happy that he happened in my life. It may sound pathetic to some, but no regrets about meeting him. Thanks and hugs to all of you.. I am enlightened and hopefully will not pass this way again :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 4:44pm
Sounds like a recipe for true love to me!
sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 2:39pm
It is. It's basically writing dirty things to one another, what you are doing to yourself, and what you would do to the other person if you were there with them, while you are pleasuring yourself. Often, a webcam is involved as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 7:22am
I was wondering what online sex was too. Maybe it's like phone sex only you have to write instead of talk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 12:19am

I agree with what everyone says!

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