Off topic...ex is angry

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Off topic...ex is angry
6
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 7:58am
sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 12:15am
Honestly, if a post doesn't interest you - just ignore it. No need to be the message board police!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2009
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 5:06pm

So I'm aware of maintaining the friendship without dependency. (that is a two way street, he has leaned on me before at times as well) Isn't that what friends do?


I think there can be a fine line between leaning on your friends occasionally and taking advantage of their giving nature. From what you've described, this man isn't just occasionally helping out with the kids--he's playing a pretty significant role in lieu of your children's absent father.


My question should have been, "what is he getting out of it?" However, I am also obligated to let you know that this board probably isn't the place for an ongoing discussion about this particular issue because the topic is online dating.


Your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.          &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 9:39am

I think you've kinda hit the nail on the head...this has forced me to consider his role in my life and how important he is to the family.

I believe that you should accept family where you find it. I opened my home to him. Regardless of motives, I don't think we can just toss him back. THere are many times when I think to call him for advice or a shoulder and decide not to because I feel I'm dragging him too much into our suburban drama. So I'm aware of maintaining the friendship without dependency. (that is a two way street, he has leaned on me before at times as well) Isn't that what friends do?

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 9:33am

Hello Apple,
Sometimes when you are on a board for a loooooonnnnng time you get to know people and value their input. I don't know you, but there are many people on this board who know enough about me from previous posts to give me some good advice.

And by the same token, if you don't post regularly on a board, a first time posting might get ignored. I did post this on a few other forums, and didn't get much of a response.

Susie

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2009
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 1:19pm

I do not believe that he can prohibit us from spending time with Matt (or anyone else for that matter) without a court order...does that seem accurate? Nor do I think that anyone could be convinced that their relationship with Matt is anything less than a positive in their lives.


I think you have to decide what's more important to you--keeping the peace with your Ex, who will always be your childrens' father--or continuing to lean on someone who has become an important support system to you.


Maybe he can't stop you from having your girls spend time with your friend but your Ex sure could

Your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.          &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 11:30am

Legally, your ex has no control over what you do w/ the girls on your time--and what if he went to court? What would he say? "well, your honor, I have no evidence that anything inappropriate is going on, but I don't want Matt to spend time w/ my girls because he's a man." So that means that if you eventually get remarried, their stepfather couldn't spend time alone w/ the girls either? Or is it just that he can't understand it because Matt isn't your BF so he assumes he must be a pedophile.

My DD was on a soccer team in jr high. One of the other girls on the team had a similar situation--her mom was divorced (don't really know anything about the dad, except that I never saw him). So her mom had this guy who was her ex-fiance and even though they decided not to get married, he stayed involved w/ the kids and ended up coaching the soccer team. I'm sure there was nothing inappropriate going on. As you said, sometimes guys can be in a "friend" type or "uncle" type relationship. You didn't say how old your girls are, but I assume they would be old enough to say something if there was anything funny going on? Do they seem to like being around Matt? I think if there was abuse, they would not be looking forward to being around him.