Tricky, tricky, tricky

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Tricky, tricky, tricky
8
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 3:23pm
Hey all...I have a bit of a dilemma and I thought what better place to get some expert advice!
Ok...met this guy on yahoo and im'd for a couple of days. Seems normal and nice enough..picts look...hmmmm...ok...hard to tell. Anyway, turns out he's a skydive instructor and asks me if I would like to come to a party they're having at the "DZ"...any skydivers out there know what that means...me, I'm thinkin it's some cool new hangout. No, turns out it's the "drop zone" where they do they're jumping from and to. They are having a party at sunset and would I like to come. At first I thought..i don't know. Is that weird, but it's actually very close to my house and I have NOTHING going on. (see earlier post about ghost guy who wigged on me at the last minute...oh, by the way, I actually DID hear from him again...but that's another post). So, I figure..what the hell...and I go. And I had an absolute blast! These people were so nice and so much fun. I was so glad that I went. But...here's the prob. The guy I met there (yahoo man) is nice, but ehhhahhh..not really my type. Not attracted to him at all.
He's like...huge, 6'5" (I'm 5'3") and build like a wall (and I'm not!). But, nice, nice, nice guy. Very sweet. However...I meet one of the other skydive instructors who I am immediately attracted to...he's too cute and really funny. My kind of personality...totally. I was able to spend a few minutes talking to him while "my" guy is changing from his jumping clothes to his regular clothes. This guy is definitely flirting with me and I was (as much as i could...without being completely obvious) with him as well. I find out he bartends at a restaurant very closet to my office downtown in the eve's. But...that's all I know about him...other than he skydives every weekend or so at this particular "DZ".
My yahoo guy is obviously very interested in seeing me again...he already called me yesterday for a real date. But, either way, I'm not interested romantically in this guy at all. Although...I love his cool friends! All of them, even met some nice women that I could hang out with. My kind of group, for sure. These two guys are friends and have known each other for a long time.
My question is...is there any diplomatic way for me to get in touch w/the cute guy without being a jerk. I know he was interested in me...you know how you can tell. But, it was obviously awkward to say the least. I do know I could email him through the website for the skydiving place. But, is that weird. I could also very casually drop by the restaurant some time...maybe after a couple of weeks or something. I know I can't keep this other guy hanging either. I'd have to tell him I'm not interested in a "romantic relationship" with him, and of course, I would never mention my attraction for the friend.
Help...what do you guys think?
Thanks!
Kelly
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 4:07pm

Kelly - if you live anywhere near me, I'll distract tall guy and let you sneak off with the other dude, ok?

Seriously, I dunno, I think guys have kind of an honor code about this stuff. I don't think it would be ok to date the 2nd guy.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 4:13pm
Yeah I'd probably drop the whole thing - if the other guy is interested then let him chase.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 4:19pm

I agree with sisfox...if they are friends, it may not be cool for the 2nd guy to date you.

I think what I would do is immediately send an email to the 1st guy, thanking him but letting him know you're not a match. And then in a month or two, drop by the bar where the friend works. If he's interested, he'll talk to his friend and try to clear it with him (but if his friend isn't cool with it, it's my impression that most guys won't move forward).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 4:50pm
oh you guys...this is not what i wanted to hear! (pouting) But, I guess you're right.
I do like the last post...but I think waiting anything PAST a month is a bit long. I do agree that I do need to cut the other guy loose asap. Then in a few weeks or so, I'll stop by the restaurant for a drink. If he's interested...I'll certainly find out.
If not...then I'm just out a glass of wine!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 8:18pm

You actually have two separate problems, but you're kind of relating them to one another.

The first problem is "how to tell DateGuy that he's not my type and I don't want to date him." Honest without being rude is how to do that; you just tell him "I'm sorry, I don't think we are a match, but I had a lot of fun. The romantic feeling thing just isn't there for me, though."

Think of how you'd like to be told something like that if someone had to, and then tell him that way.

The second problem is how to hit on HotSkyDivingBartenderGuy. That's easy- you go to where he works, or you email him, and you strike up some kind of conversation or whatever. Smile a lot- that's a universal woman's signal for "approach me".

The second problem is somewhat complicated by the fact that you met the guy while on a "date" with guy #1. But that's just how things go sometimes; I was invited to a party on a "set up" kind of deal, and was totally NOT attracted to the gal that was my intended. But her friend... her friend and I had some chemistry right away. ;)

If the two guys are pals, they'll work it out. If they're not, then it doesn't matter. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 3:44pm
Now THAT'S the answer I was hoping for. And, yes, I have turned down several guys, so I know
how to do that without being ugly or rude...not a problem.
And, I was thinking of doing exactly what you suggest and go have a drink at Hotskydivingbartenderguy's place...nothing to lose!
Thanks again!
Kelly
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 4:28pm
I don't see anything wrong with
popping in the bar in a week or
so, let us know what happens!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 11:37pm

Hi,

As long as you have sent that kind 'no thank' you email to Thing One, then I think wait a week and proceed with dropping by for a drink to see if Thing 2 is interested. Do Not be surprised if he does not seem as interested,or if he does not remember you...nothing personal, men just move forward, without a lot of "geee...what ifs".

But..if Thing 2 says he does "not care" what his friend thinks, and he wants to see you anyway, then I would Run, Forrest, Run!

I got into a thing like this when I was 24, and they were brothers, different as night and day! I got a mutual friend to intervene, and then we actually sat down with the brother and told him that we felt something for each other. Brother One said even He could see the sparks the first night I met Brother 2. He took it well, and I did get enagaged to Brother 2, and had a good friendship with Brother 1, all the while. It took some maturity on all our part--we avoided being too lovey-dovey in his presence for a while. I did not marry the guy,though....life goes on.

Ya never know til you see the way the dice tumble, so trip lightly!

Good luck!

Truly,
Cupcake