Trusting your gut instinct

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Trusting your gut instinct
48
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 5:59am

There have been a few posts about trusting your gut instincts.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 11:23am

I've had relationships with both

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 12:03pm

I think Sheri hit the nail on the head when she said she trusts her gut when its telling her something's wrong, but it's more "hope" than guy instinct when you sense something's right.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 2:05pm

The mind is a wonderful thing. As we go through life we gather and process information and some we file away, and may recall at a later time,some we may never recall again.
However in certain situations we find ourselves having particular thoughts or reactions without any obvious rationale on our part, and we usually ascribe it to 'GUT' instinct.
it is no more than all the filed away information and judgments of our collected information coming forward to let us know all is not as it should be based on our unique experience and the information we now have in our memory bank with regard to such or similar situations.

The way a person answers questions makes you uneasy. You cant exactly remember what it is about answering questions that way that has you going mmmm careful.
However somewhere in the inner recess of your mind is filed away an experience,maybe an encounter, or information, that is informing this cautionary stance.

Gut instincts are usually injunctive and cautionary and therefore will have nothing to do with not feeling deserving of love or affection.
It is protective and will serve as an individuals particular early warning mechanism.

Most folks underestimate how analytical they are in their day to day life and thus will just say in an off hand way 'I had a gut feeling'.

The reason it is usually right most the time, is that it springs from your saved and collected life experience, information and judgements in other words 'the real you'

Some people also learn to ignore theirs,It is a learned behaviour, and can be unlearned.
How many times have you met a person who is trying so hard to befriend you. and you go 'mmmmm' and ignore it. And it turns out you were right about them. They seemed too good to be true and your collected database of appropriate behaviour let you know they had an agenda.

Our gut never lets us down, it is the override we employ that betrays us.

A woman meets a liar/cheater she can clearly see that he is less than transparent, but her need to pair, or her need to seek love and affection, overrides what she knows to be reality . So she may rationalise that she can change him, or That he has changed, that he isnt that bad or she goes straight into denial about spotting the warning signs.

Some people need trauma to come to trust themselves and their instincts better. Some who are blesseed to have good caring nurturers be it parents, teachers, etc are guided to trust in their early warning systems more and avoid the pit falls of learning by experience..

How we treat our early warning mechanism depends on our awarness of self How much and how far we are willing to trust ourselves at the end of the day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 2:29pm

Yeah what she said..LOL

Nicely done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 2:39pm

Gut instincts are usually injunctive and cautionary and therefore will have nothing to do with not feeling deserving of love or affection.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 3:20pm

I guess I'm not sure how you know that your gut does this, if I'm understanding your posts to be saying you've never had a healthy relationship?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 3:26pm

Hello Jennie,
I hope I can make sense here.
There is gut instinct as in my earlier post and there is programming, like in the pavlovian response.(or in plain english association)

Your past experience with what you thought was wholesome healthy,love, unfortunately led to abandonment and pain thus programming you to feel aprehensive and anxious when love situations that appear healthy and wholesome appear in your life.
So you have come to associate the behaviour that gives you the feeling of being loved by people who choose to love you ( not those who need to love you) with the unfortunate experience you also had with that kind of love in your past hence the feeling of impending doom and apprehension.
(Thank God it is only a feeling not a tool of cognition.)

How many times have you left an object precariosly balanced at an edge and keep getting the feeling to move it and in the end when you knock it over you go aw my gut instinct warned me that was going to happen.
Look closer you will realise that if you had stopped and considered the placing of the thing you will see it will be easy to knock it over because it was not placed in a secure place or the lid was not on.

Think of this scenario. You have a friend who is always rushing around and rushes you whenever you are in their company.
You feel stressed when you are rushed. so when you see them even without being rushed you begin to feel stressed and aprehensive because you associate their company with feeling harried .

so whilst gut instinct is 'beware all is not as it seems'
programming is ,oh here I go again, it will happen like the last time.'

It is worthy of note to examine gut reactions closely because sometimes it is easy to assign the unease of a gut instinct to 'programming', As we Know Progaramming in reality has no bearing on the present and is baggage hauled into the present, from an unresolved past when in truth what we are feeling is really authentic 'gut instinct', and requires attention/action.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 3:34pm

So what I'm calling a 'gut instinct' is really 'baggage' and my true gut instinct is what I really feel and believe about the current guy I'm seeing, and that really has no link to my past?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 3:35pm

I guess I'm not sure how you know that your gut does this, if I'm understanding your posts to be saying you've never had a healthy relationship?


I'm in the process of figuring this all out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 4:17pm

OK here goes
Gut instict= based on his words and actions its not adding up
Programming = everybody who seemed normal, high functioning, well adjusted, who came into my life and seemed to love me, still found a way to hurt me why should this time be any different.

Let me throw a spanner in the works.

Self awareness lets you know which one it is. because you need to know the aetiology of your disquiet.

Both feelings are exactly alike you doubt your reality You question and doubt .
however in Gut instinct the reason is HIM
In programming the reason is YOU.

so self awareness will let you know whether it is what he is doing /not doing or if it is you and your steamer trunk from the past.

Do you know a strategy that serves me without fail "sit down..shut up.. and listen". It never fails me.
Dont forget FEAR is False Expectation Appearing Real. Dont analyse too much you will be OK.
You have valuable tools and without knowing you will and have been deploying them.