Trusting your gut instinct

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Trusting your gut instinct
48
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 5:59am

There have been a few posts about trusting your gut instincts.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 4:21pm

Got it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 4:26pm

>>>>So what I'm calling a 'gut instinct' is really 'baggage' and my true gut instinct is what I really feel and believe about the current guy I'm seeing, and that really has no link to my past>>>

YES

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 4:39pm

REVISED FOR EVERYONE: I am trusting my 'gut instinct' and ignoring my baggage :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 4:51pm
LOL..Don't worry girl you are going to do just Fine.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 5:16pm

But how do you know that's not your gut instinct telling you they may SEEM to be right, good guys, whatever, but they are not what they seem?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 6:54pm

Well, I don't.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 7:40pm

Ok, to me... your gut instinct is that intial, no thought, on the moment reaction. Your gut instinct is the one that when meeting a person for the first time says "Eh. There's something not too cool about this person" without even having the basis for it. It's also the thing that we tend to breeze past telling ourselves, "you're being judgemental and you have no reason for those comments." Gut instinct to me is the thing that rings in your head when someone is talking and before you have time to process their comments, you know something is off or they're not being completely honest. And it can be good or bad. It's usually the truth we ignore.


To me, what other posters have referenced are thoughts, desires or wishes. Gut reactions don't have you throwing caution into the wind, it just gives you the truth about the person. I find that in most cases, it happens when you meet a person or hear something from them for the first time and there's a little voice in your head saying... "yeah, they're ok."


And mind you, anything I posted about trusting instincts should not be taken to say throw caution into the wind and forget your senses. If that were the case, boy oh boy I'd be in trouble. LOL


Kerry

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 11:19pm

First Amend-- I too can understand where you are coming from . But look back and really think about it, was there something there that was just off about each of those r'ships that you now realize, you knew something was wrong but chose to ignore due to repeating unhealthy behaviors, low self confidence due to past issues??

I can remember times when my first love would lie to me. repeatedly.. I chose to believe him but looking back I always new something was off or I wouldn't constantly be questioning things.

patterns being repeated is one thing that is simply how you feel about your self and yes the role models in your life

I can see how your gut instinct and the past can interfer especially when you meet someoen nice you wonder is this too good to be true? maybe he'slieing cuz what ends up happening is you compare HIM to the bad apples you had in your life and that is all you have to go on.

what helps is to continually put yoursef around healthy people and you will see that this behavior is something that people do carry, meaning good healthy people . the moreyou are around people that treat you rigth the more you won't question yourself when a good man comes along..

the biggest thing is to be rational about actions someone does and proof overtime.. especially if you have no good r'ships to compare to all you can do is rationalize it out and it does help to stay w/your therapist

but often times your gut will tell you if something is wrong , and it may take you a bit longer to realize it is your gut telling you something rather than just your experiences.. just try not to confuse it w/ past patterns/behaviors.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 11:28pm

There are definitely patterns in my past, but one things is that I do pick men with varying issues.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 12:34am

your story sounds very familiar...I was married for 10 years to a guy who was on EQ (evercrack) for the last 5 of it.....he always wondered why I did not want to play and why I just could only hear just so many stories before I tuned him out. I think the icing on the cake though was when he left me bleeding (cut my finger with scissors bad enough to need stitches--long story) for 30 minutes when all I did was ask for a Band-Aid..."but my character will die and my group needs me I cant leave the computer" Great let me wander through the house bleeding on the carpet to get my own Band-Aid. (of course after a few minutes it became the principle of it)

and like you I have abandonment issues. In a great new (1 month) relationship and scared that I am not interesting enough. Having to figure out at what point have I stepped over the doing things to be nice vs the doing things to mask my insecurity line...have been alone in a relationship soo long that it feels strange to have a partner...(not a child/husband that loves his computer) We never had children didnt need another....

Great Post/thread!