Trusting your gut instinct

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Trusting your gut instinct
48
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 5:59am

There have been a few posts about trusting your gut instincts.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 10:39am

Ok, thanks for clarifying. I agree, the only way to find out is to keep dating him. And what you wrote about "he seems"...exactly. That's the thought behind the first guideline I listed in the "staying grounded" thread. He "seems" but time will tell!

Sheri

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 10:51am

I think the challenge is not having had a healthy relationship, and only having an idea of what it would be like.


I totally get that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 10:58am

Thank you for posting that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 11:00am

Hi I am begining to sound like a closet shrink LOL

Because people are different what contitutes an emotionally rewarding relationship/experience for one person may go totally unoticed by another.

I had a boyfriend once who complained about my never sitting down to meals with him as couples do. after about a dozen times of this I stopped and began to listen to him and really hear him and what he had to say.
I realised i did not speak his love language and did not care to learn the lingo.
I was emotionally not available. He wanted a blow by blow account of my day. I was ok with highlights. I had my mind on other things and was not in the mood to do all that convoluted dance of trying to please him and he please me and we be together in quasi marital bliss.
I was not usually like that but he came into my life when I was a woman on a mission. I had things to do with my life and I was in hurry and did not value any distraction.
Sometimes I forgot to return calls. not deliberately but because it was superceeded by more important things(to me at least)
He wanted me to move in with him but I craved my own space so I could collect my thoughts and strategise about my plans.
I loved him, I cared about him but the time of our interaction coincided with a point in my life when I had other things to do and meant I could not meet his legitimate emotional needs easily if at all.
This Guy was not needy at all it was just that i was at a place in my life, we were in a relationship and I had other goings on in my life.
So the things that make you feel your emotional needs are met could be very different from mine.
Some people like their birthdays celebrated I am lucky to remember mine.
but if you remember a practical detail of what pleases me i am forever in your debt.
Some people like flowers and cards. I want a person who makes an effort to make my life crease free. so find me a good plumber or point me toward a good gardener etc stuff like that make a difference to my day to day living dont just sit there and wax poetic.

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 11:03am

I know there is a chance I could make another mistake in yet another relationship, but I am okay with that.

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 11:07am

We did a *little* bit of careful fooling around after about a month, then waited

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 9:27am
Relationship? Who wants another relationship. I've found friends with benefits are sooo much easier. :] I don't get hurt that way, and I'm not bringing another man into the kid's lives again. It's much less complicated that way. I've found that guys aren't used to a woman who doesn't want a relationship. It's like he's suprised I don't call him every day, or several times a day. It's almost like a man becomes more interested in me when I back way off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 9:32am

I want a relationship because I want to share my life with someone.

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