Trying it again

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Trying it again
11
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 12:12am

I want to thank everyone for their very kind words on my breakup (that was on another thread). The guy I had been seeing these past 4 months and I talked tonight and he has missed me alot and wants to try again.

He had left a message on my cell saying that he had thought about us and had to talk to me, so I called him back. He told me that he was so sorry for hurting me so much. He is willing to try to compromise and wants us to try it again. I agreed, but I am going to make sure it is not all his way. I'm not sure if this was the right decision or not, but I guess I'll find out one way or the other. If I feel him wanting things only his way and pulling back in any way I'll end it.

Thanks again everyone.
Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 2:00am

Good luck.


 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 6:29am

What the .....?

I can't handle this flip-floppin'....lol. But good luck to you! I hope it works out for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 7:26am
Best wishes!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 9:37am
Wow, this is tough. You go through the motions of realizing that it's over. A couple of days later you start to figure out how to accept it and move on. And then suddenly you're in a position of trying to decide whether or not to risk giving it a second chance. It could work out great...or lead to heartache all over again. I've been there. It's a tough call.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 12:08pm
Well, sunshine, be careful and good luck. I hope he realizes his mistake and really IS able to compromise and give you what you need as well. You are the only one that knows the whole situation so if you feel it is right, then give it a chance.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 12:25pm

Thanks everyone, yeah I do feel I need to give it one more chance since he seems sincere. But my eyes are more open now to his issues, so we'll see. If I find he isn't sincere in wanting to compromise and it's only words, I'll be out of there.

Thanks again,
Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 3:53pm
Sunshine -- weighing in late on this one. But I really hope he's not just trying to have his cake and Sunshine too. Please DO keep your eyes open and be more guarded about your heart. When he tried the 'let's still see each other ploy,' I found myself rolling my eyes -- he was trying to keep you around but on HIS terms. Of course, if he's smart, he's just realized that he lost you and decided that was unacceptable!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 4:53pm

I gotta agree sposa. I have BTDT a time or two before. My last relationship had almost this identical setup. Things were great until that first hurdle (you know, there is the 2-3 month hurdle and then the 4-6 month hurdle) when he just became distant. When I asked him what was wrong he said he didn't want to be in a committed relationship right then. At the time, I hadn't ASKED him for a committed relationship so it boggled my mind but anyhoo. Two weeks later after I had gone through some grieving, he called and said he wanted me back (we'd never really stopped communicating) but that he still wasn't sure he was ready. Well, 2 months later, he did it again. I was stupid and went back with him a couple of times. He finally broke it off for good after a few times of back and forth.

I brought it on myself by not being strong enough to say "ENOUGH!" and just ending it. I cared for him a lot and thought that if I cared enough, it would bring him around and he would want a real relationship with me. But he didn't and the longer it went on and the more back and forth, the worse my self-esteem got. But I thought he was a great guy and I didn't want to let the relationship go. So Sunshine, PLEASE be careful. I am not saying this guy is going to use you or NOT be committed to this now, but if there is any indication that he is not going to give you what you need, get out before you get hurt even worse. It is much easier to say than to do.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 5:37pm

I agree, this guy sounds like a classic CP (committment-phobic) so I would definitely be careful. Another thing about relationships, is that usually if someone is serious about making it work again it will take time to do that instead of the instant back-together routine, usually that is based on just missing someone and not wanting to deal with the pain of them being out of your life rather than him really working on himself to make sure he won't let you down again. Just realize his issues have not dissapeared within the past few days, I have had my heart broken by this type and it is worse because they never actually let you go, they just flip-flop until you put your foot down.

I do hope it works out for you, just be careful and if I may suggest, read up on commitment-phobic men, they are usually cookie cutter examples of each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 6:30pm
*fingers crossed*

 

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