Trying to stay positive but need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Trying to stay positive but need help
10
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 7:50pm

I have been on Match 2 months now and I have gotten a lot of emails and winks but have yet to find anyone to date. I have been told it takes time and I am trying to be patient but it can get discouraging at times. I swear the men are just recycling themselves. I get the same people I have already ignored or ghosted on contacting me over and over again while I can't seem to get to the meet point with the ones who interest me.

This week was the kicker for me. I had a dry patch for a few days so I decided to take the initiative and reach out through my own search. The response was great and I began emailing with 4 guys pretty regularly. They seemed pretty interested but I haven't heard from any of them since Wednesday. I wrote last on all so they shouldn't be waiting on me. I think we wrote enough to get to the point of taking it to the next step (phone number) but they never asked and I didn't offer. One guy we learned that I even knew his best friend (who by the way thinks I am great) but he even ghosted on me. What am I doing wrong? Is it because I don't flirt? I have been told I am a bit of mystery by a man. Maybe my profile is misleading; I am a bit settled and have a young son who is my world. Could this be a turn off? If anyone wants to check out my profile and give me advice feel free. I think I need help. I am on Match and my profile is msm217.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 8:09pm

Your profile is really good and there's not much to change. However these thoughts ran through my mind:

What is a "low key fan restaurant"? The third photo where your head is kinda tweaked probably could be taken down. There are no full body shots. Are there a lot of guys in Richmond that have at least a Bachelor's degree? I live in Maryland and I think of Richmond as blue collar mainly. Plus, I find the east coast to have slim pickins when it comes to available, attractive, emotionally stable men. I think you're too smart and attractive for your area....lol. That's my take on your profile.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 8:49pm

Thanks for checking me out. You may be right about not fitting in with this area. The most appealing men I have met online have been in Maryland but the distance is too far. There are areas of Richmond that are blue collar but there is also a lot of professional areas here as well. The probelem with Richmond is people settle down and marry right out of college. Those of us who didn't are somewhat left out.

I agree that I need some full body shots. I need to get some taken because I don't have my picture taken very often. I don't guess pregnancy shots would get the right reaction. :)

The one that really bums me out is the guy whose best friend knows me. His friend is married with kids; knows my family and thinks I am great. I realize this particular guy may have been a little country for me but I was open to at least seeing what may be there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 8:56pm

Where in Maryland? It can't be southern because I've been looking for over two years. But we probably have different taste in men...lol.

That's too bad about that guy. Who knows why people do what they do? I will never understand. But does he want children? Does it say on his profile? That can be a dealbreaker for people. It doesn't make me turn and run but maybe it does for others. At this stage of the game, the guys I meet usually have children so I'm okay with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 9:01pm

He has a child (our children's birthdays are the same day) In his profile he says he is looking for someone who values children. I was probably too good for him but I am trying to be open. What really matters is someone with the same values who is good for me.

As for Maryland, Bethisda, Baltimore, and northern DC area. Really hot profiles in those areas.

Peggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 9:06pm
That is wild that your kids have the same birthday. It should be a match! Well, don't give up girlie. Maybe try some other sites. Match.com is not my favorite - I haven't met anyone off there in forever. Yahoo personals and Craig's List is working for me though. But I just took down my Yahoo profile today. Same guys on there as on Match. Plus, a bad experience with a guy from there. Just need a break from those two sites. I'm giving American Singles a try and I love to look through CL. The ads are entertaining if nothing else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 9:07pm
I'm no expert and I think your profile is great but like the other poster said, I would replace one of the face shots with a body shot. I would also try to bring out your sense of humor and fun in the profile and omit the part about being cautious but looking for potential for long-term. The two seem to contradict each other. The first makes you seem standoffish and the last makes you seem a bit overzealous. I would also fill out as many of the "no answer" questions as possible. When I see those, I do think "mystery person" or perhaps someone who is hiding something. Also, if you limit yourself to just your own race and men who are at least 6 inches taller than you, you are going to get fewer responses. I am open to different races and men close to my own height and I still don't get as many responses as I want but like you, I find that initiating contact works better sometimes than waiting for men to respond because you don't get the ones you want to respond to you. Just my opinion and I hope I don't sound too critical.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 9:16pm

Thank you and I do appreciate the feedback. I don't think you were too critical; I really respect getting some outsiders perspective. I am going to have some friends take pictures of me tomorrow so that I have some full body shots. I don't have any right now because I am the only one taking photos. I have corresponded with people outside of my race. (again from Maryland...do you think I need to move :) )

By the way, I am not ashamed of how I look(I am a size 6) I just don't get very many photo ops.

Edited 10/14/2006 9:18 pm ET by mmsavannah




Edited 10/14/2006 9:21 pm ET by mmsavannah
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 9:02am
I'm like you. I'm not crazy to pose for the camera not because I don't look good but because I tend to be self-critical. But I needed to get a few shots of myself taken to have a decent profile up that men would respond to. I don't know much about your area and I don't think it's worth it to move for any man whether you're just dating or serious...but I think that expanding your search criteria whether it be by race, age, education or height are the best ways to increase your chances of meeting someone who's right for you. I've learned through time that all my preconceived requirements for men I date were limiting me and I've surprised myself with who I've clicked with and who was compatible with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 2:36pm

I love Low Key Fan Restaurants! I'm from Richmond, and if you live there you know that the Fan is a neighborhood. And that there are plenty of college educated people there. It is the state capital, after all, and is home to 3-4 colleges.

I like the full body shot suggestion---I'll have to work on that for myself. Black is slimming, right???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 2:38pm
Also, I dont think there is anything wrong with suggesting a cup of coffee after a few emails. Times have changed, and there is no reason to wait for them to ask you. For some guys it will be a turn off but for some it is just what they need!