Ty for previous input, need more on....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2000
Ty for previous input, need more on....
2
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 12:46pm

a "friend" that I have online, met through a single parents network. We have been chatting shortly before last Christmas. We spoke on phone after Christmas. Our timing for phone calls,etc. has never been "in-tune". He has small children (widower) and I have small child. He has insisted that I call him anytime I need help, advice, a friend. I have never had the time to take him up on his offer, the one weekend he was in town this past summer - I couldn't make it! Bummed me out, needless to say. I feel like it is time to move on and wanted to know how to say nicely that I want to move on and end our friendship. Part of me feels guilty, because I felt that if I waited and when he did move he and his family (sons) back to my city we would have a great friendship and a good foundation for possibly a romantic relationship.

But then I received these series of e-mails this week....

I questioned him on his plans to move back to the city I live in, he has been trying to sell his home. He bought another home and when I questioned why he did this, he said that he bought it to be out in the country and that he wanted to have something as an investment. He is still trying to sell his home in the city. He wrote a rather stern e-mail to me that followed my reply of shock, he said that he would not be moving back to the city ( i live in) until he has a job, etc. I know that and have stressed good luck and any thing I could do do help him in his job search( network - I mentioned this about 6 months ago). He also said he would move back to be close to his family and friends. No mention of me being his friend. He usually is nice, I don't get this e-mail. I am still in shock and a little bitter.

I guess get over it, right??!

Christy

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what you want"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 6:06pm

I was in your shoes many years ago, and I found my widower with small children had a lot of anger, but it had nothing to do with me.

How old is he? How old are his children? How long since his wife passed away? Was it sudden?

It's hard for people to lose a spouse, especially men. They aren't as open to therapy as women are. I hope things work out for him, but for now, if I were you, I'd just realize he has too much to heal from and let him be.

Good luck! Zachary is cute!

Chick

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2000
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 8:25pm

Hi, His wife died about 2 1/2 - 3 yrs ago. He has a child in first grade and a 3 1/2 yr old. His wife died from cancer. I sent an e-mail to him explaining why I was ending my communication with him and he responded back with the most nice sincere letter about wanting to continue our friendship. Now I am in a pickle, what is the deal? Does he want his cake & eat it too?? We have a nice friendship, but I guess I am selfish - I want more, not today, not tomorrow, but in time. He says that if he does/doesn't move back, he wants to keep our friendship. What to do?????

Christy

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