UGH! How long to wait for a call!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
UGH! How long to wait for a call!!
12
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 5:34pm

I had a conversation on the phone with a guy and we really hit it off on Saturday. He called me later that day and I wasn't available and I called him later and he was on his way out. He said we'd talk again. I haven't heard again from him. I sent him an email on Sunday saying I enjoyed our conversation.

So how long do you wait until you just write him off??

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 5:40pm

What I've found works best for me early on (when you haven't met yet or have only had a couple-three dates) is to assume that each and every contact you have with him will be your last, no matter what he says.

So, as soon as we hung up on the phone on Saturday I'd be assuming I wasn't going to hear from him again. If it happens, great, it's a pleasant surprise. If it doesn't, then I'm not disappointed because I'm not expecting it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 5:49pm
IMO, you never "wait". You go on with your life and if they call, they call, if they don't, they don't. Until it's an established relationship, you don't EXPECT anything. It's not "writing them off" per se, but you just don't put an expecation on it nor do you wait for it to happen, you just go.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2005
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 7:26pm

I agree, I hate this waiting for his call nonsense. He calls? That's nice. He doesn't? Good riddance.

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 12:12pm
I agree with the others. Despite what's said, just treat it as a nice convo with a stranger and don't expect to talk again. Keep moving! Definitely don't make the next move towards him again. He'll come to you if he's interested.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 2:01pm
The others are right. I just wanted to say though that I think this happens way too often unfortunately in the modern dating world and even though we should be very frustrated, which we are sometimes, a lot of us have become numb to it because it's more likely in the OLD world that you get ghosted on than you actually hear back from someone. I guess it's all about growing a thick skin and just not having any expectations period like the others have said and that's the way we survive OLD. I know that's the way I've had to survive OLD when I was doing it. I honestly think that dating must have been so much easier in the past than it has been in the last 10-15 years.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 2:41pm

Oh, no, not really...having come of age in the late 70s, I can attest that dating has *always* been hard! Guys ghosted back then too...we just didn't have all the ways we do now of keeping track so we didn't know whether they were still alive or not, so it was easier to tell yourself he must have been hit by a truck, LOL!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 5:35pm

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Back when I was 19, I was at a party once with a guy who I had just met. We were hitting it off, he was nibbling playfully at my ear, it looked like I had a "match" for the evening at least. Then he excused himself to go to the rest room. I saw him actually enter the restroom, then a couple of friends said something to me and I turned to them. When my friends moved on, "my" guy had still not come back. I looked around, and he was nowhere in sight. I felt I should stay and wait, since he'd said, "I'll be right back," so I must have stayed there waiting for at least 1/2 hour before I decided I should start circulating. I caught sight of the guy sometime later, with his arms around another girl. My best guess is on the way back from the restroom she caught his eye, they fell into conversation and... he forgot me.

This sort of thing happened to girls all the time, back in the "good old days." A major reason that girls were told not to "put out" too early in the relationship was that the guy might disappear on them after he'd "had his way" --just like we say now, with new OLD.

I think what we do get is more numbers (more guys to contact, possibly date) than before OLD. And more dates/possible dates also means more chances of rejection.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 6:50pm
That's interesting to hear that dating was just as hard back then than it is now. I guess I just was under the impression that more marriages were happening and people were getting married younger beforehand. I always thought that in society as a whole lately, people are more skeptical about getting married for fear of the high divorce rate. So we are waiting longer and being more selective, and as result people get turned down more and we hear of things such as "commitmentphobia" which I think is a newly coined term and I know didn't exist back in the day. Hmmmm things to ponder. I think we could start a whole new post on this topic and there are probably lots of opinions and things to say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 2:38am

I may be wrong, but I think I first heard "commitment phobia" in my college years (mid 70's). Compared to my daughter's experiences and what some of my younger friends tell me, the only thing that was really different about dating back then (aside from no online dating) was NO AIDS.

An awful lot of the guys I knew were anti-commitment. There was also (among my friends at least) a lot of pressure on girls to be "liberated" which often meant not expecting the common courtesies of courtship.

I think that dating has never been easy. Even in the "good old days" when courtship happened under the supervision of family and community, there were problems/tensions. And girls sometimes thought a guy was interested and suddenly he pulled back.

My own brother did that. Talk about commitment phobia (the guy has never married)! He had one girl he was dating who was very nice and who was obviously looking to get "serious." He liked her, but he wasn't ready to settle down, so he just stopped calling her. From that point on, all his relationships were with women who were not looking for commitment.

We just have newer versions of old problems. As you say, this could be the start of a whole new thread.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 9:18am

One thing that has changed is men used to feel pressured to get married - by family, employers and society in general. A 30-year-old (!) guy who wasn't married was looked on suspiciously. Of course, unmarried women had it worse and were virtual pariahs if they weren't married by the time they reached thirty, but my point is most men now feel absolutely no pressure to get married and have no desire to give up a life of doing what they want when they want. Most women (not all) on the other hand, never give up the marriage dream.

I'll never forget overhearing my brother's single friend saying to my sister-in-law: "I just don't want to settle." I could barely keep a straight face since the dude was 40, short, fat and bald.

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