UGH! How long to wait for a call!!
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UGH! How long to wait for a call!!
| Tue, 01-02-2007 - 5:34pm |
I had a conversation on the phone with a guy and we really hit it off on Saturday. He called me later that day and I wasn't available and I called him later and he was on his way out. He said we'd talk again. I haven't heard again from him. I sent him an email on Sunday saying I enjoyed our conversation.
So how long do you wait until you just write him off??

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What I've found works best for me early on (when you haven't met yet or have only had a couple-three dates) is to assume that each and every contact you have with him will be your last, no matter what he says.
So, as soon as we hung up on the phone on Saturday I'd be assuming I wasn't going to hear from him again. If it happens, great, it's a pleasant surprise. If it doesn't, then I'm not disappointed because I'm not expecting it.
Sheri
I agree, I hate this waiting for his call nonsense. He calls? That's nice. He doesn't? Good riddance.
Oh, no, not really...having come of age in the late 70s, I can attest that dating has *always* been hard! Guys ghosted back then too...we just didn't have all the ways we do now of keeping track so we didn't know whether they were still alive or not, so it was easier to tell yourself he must have been hit by a truck, LOL!
Sheri
You took the words right out of my mouth.
Back when I was 19, I was at a party once with a guy who I had just met. We were hitting it off, he was nibbling playfully at my ear, it looked like I had a "match" for the evening at least. Then he excused himself to go to the rest room. I saw him actually enter the restroom, then a couple of friends said something to me and I turned to them. When my friends moved on, "my" guy had still not come back. I looked around, and he was nowhere in sight. I felt I should stay and wait, since he'd said, "I'll be right back," so I must have stayed there waiting for at least 1/2 hour before I decided I should start circulating. I caught sight of the guy sometime later, with his arms around another girl. My best guess is on the way back from the restroom she caught his eye, they fell into conversation and... he forgot me.
This sort of thing happened to girls all the time, back in the "good old days." A major reason that girls were told not to "put out" too early in the relationship was that the guy might disappear on them after he'd "had his way" --just like we say now, with new OLD.
I think what we do get is more numbers (more guys to contact, possibly date) than before OLD. And more dates/possible dates also means more chances of rejection.
Elsa
I may be wrong, but I think I first heard "commitment phobia" in my college years (mid 70's). Compared to my daughter's experiences and what some of my younger friends tell me, the only thing that was really different about dating back then (aside from no online dating) was NO AIDS.
An awful lot of the guys I knew were anti-commitment. There was also (among my friends at least) a lot of pressure on girls to be "liberated" which often meant not expecting the common courtesies of courtship.
I think that dating has never been easy. Even in the "good old days" when courtship happened under the supervision of family and community, there were problems/tensions. And girls sometimes thought a guy was interested and suddenly he pulled back.
My own brother did that. Talk about commitment phobia (the guy has never married)! He had one girl he was dating who was very nice and who was obviously looking to get "serious." He liked her, but he wasn't ready to settle down, so he just stopped calling her. From that point on, all his relationships were with women who were not looking for commitment.
We just have newer versions of old problems. As you say, this could be the start of a whole new thread.
Elsa
One thing that has changed is men used to feel pressured to get married - by family, employers and society in general. A 30-year-old (!) guy who wasn't married was looked on suspiciously. Of course, unmarried women had it worse and were virtual pariahs if they weren't married by the time they reached thirty, but my point is most men now feel absolutely no pressure to get married and have no desire to give up a life of doing what they want when they want. Most women (not all) on the other hand, never give up the marriage dream.
I'll never forget overhearing my brother's single friend saying to my sister-in-law: "I just don't want to settle." I could barely keep a straight face since the dude was 40, short, fat and bald.
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