Ugh, I've attracted another puppydog

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Ugh, I've attracted another puppydog
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 11:15pm

I've made a bad call...I met a very smart, kind, funny man who adores me. Guess what? He seems to have some dysfunctions that Were not evident initially. So now we've been dating about 2 months. and I feel a bit responsible for him---the problem is he's a bit clueless. He just doesn't seem to HEAR me.

For example...we were putting up my hammock when it broke (dropped me on my butt!)...he expressed interest in fixing it. I pointed out it had broken twice before and I felt it wasn't worth repairing. He insisted. I politely declined. Then he offered again via email. i declined via email. Then he came over to find I had put it in my garbage can. He offered again and I declined. He went home.

The next morning it was gone from my trash. YES< he came to my house, took the hammock out of the garbage and replaced some of the rotten rope. That evening, I had to do some shopping for a Girl Scout campout. It was late and I was tired. He offered to go with me and keep me company. We drove to the store. When he got out of the car, he went to the front and told me to pop the hood. Insisted that he check my oil. I declined, he insisted if I was driving to camp I needed an oil change, i declined and walked away (I was annoyed by that time. It was late and I had a LOT to do to get ready, and I'd had a lube not 6 weeks ago). We shopped and got back to my house c. 9pm. I was soooo tired by then, i just wanted to get the groceries into the fridge and get to bed and I said so. So he pulls the hammock out of his trunk like it was a great gift and asks if we can go put it up now. It was like talking to my youngest child who won't take NO for an answer. So I reiterated that I wanted to put the groceries away. He put the hammock in the garage and helped with the groceries and nothing more was said (I threw it away today)

On one hand, it seems he wants to be helpful, but it's like the goal of the helpfulness is somehow skewed. He is so pushy. IMHO it is more rude to ignore my politely expressed desires. I have been nothing but polite and kind, not at all bossy or demanding. Is this something passive aggressive in the extreme? He is always polite and cheerful, but it seems that the less attention I give him, the more he insists on doing something I don't really want him to do. He's done a lot of nice things...but something isn't right.

He is also quite whiny if I can't spend enough time with him. He emails me a lot. He pestered me so much about 'when can I see you again' I finally made a list of days/times I could see him based on my calendar, and, you guessed it, he still pesters me. Today he told me we need to have a serious talk because I wasn't clear with him that I had to work late all week. I have at least 3 mails where I said that and I know I said it in person.

What is wrong with him that he refuses to listen to what I'm saying?

So I know I have to end it, but frankly he seems a bit fragile, and I'm sure that the more I push him away the tighter he'll cling.

such a nice guy, it is a shame. I think his marriage really ruined him. He won't be good for anyone without some therapy. I think that will be one of my breakup tactics... to suggest therapy.

I guess this isn't an online dating post, but just a dating one. It might be relevant to mention that I was not the slightest bit interested in his profile and he was quite persistent/insistent that we meet. Now I know it wasn't just because I was the woman of his dreams...I think he can't help himself.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 6:43am
I just get this ewwww vibe.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 8:28am

funny, when I first looked at this I took it as you were congratulating me for standing up for my ethics by treating him with dignity rather than slamming the door in his face! I do care about him and can't just throw him out with the hammock.

I was - I think that, even when someone has issues or is crossing lines, it's still important to be respectful (maybe this is the Community Moderator in me talking? lol).