Uh-oh...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Uh-oh...
54
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 11:27am

Somebody stop me...I *know* not to get excited about a guy before meeting, I KNOW this...but there's a guy who's emailing me now who seems right up my alley and I find myself getting WAY too excited about getting his emails (we just started corresponding yesterday and there have only been 3). We're supposed to talk on the phone tonight and I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ugh. I'm glad to have a "good" prospect, but from experience I'm thinking it's just a matter of time before he either rejects me or I realize there's some dealbreaker involved.

Sheri

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Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 12:31pm

Here’s another good example.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 2:33pm

well i guess my advice would be to just chill (: I say that in kindness. You guys have only had 1 or 2 dates right? I think we've all had experiences of people saying theyll call at a certain time, but calling after that. In all fairness he called you on the day he said he would, it was just a few hours after he initially said

I probably would have been upset about the cancellation, but again, things change. He may have made the plans, then thought shoot, i really should rest up and not be going anywhere the night before that bike ride. There have been times i've had to do this as well.

I would just relax...perhaps he isnt a planner and does tend to go with the flow. TIme will tell.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 5:15pm
I agree with your advice - sometimes we wait a long, long time to meet a nice guy, then finally meet one and pick apart everything he does or doesn't do. I really think that's why dating is harder in our 30s - we can sometimes make everything mean so much, when it doesn't. I wouldn't even have noticed if he said he "would call" vs. "would try to call" or whether he called at 6:00 or 6:10 or even 8:10. He doesn't know you, you don't know him. Men are human too; give them a break. When it's only been 1-3 dates, I treat men like nice business acquaintances. I try to be around when they say they'll call, but if they don't, I don't notice, worry, make mental notes, or wonder if it's a signal that "it's a bad fit." If it happens four times, I move on, but before that, I give them the benefit of the doubt, as some men who are very attentive in the beginning can turn out to be stalkers. Men are pretty astute, and just like we're making notes, they are too. If they get a vibe that you were anxious because they didn't call once when they said they would, they might label you as high-strung and move on, which is unfair because you might not be high-strung at all, just as he might not be unreliable, just busy. If his conduct is a pattern, that will soon be obvious. For now, I would assume the BEST, seriouly calm down, not think about it (as opposed to thinking about it and pretending not to care), and get a manicure or something.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 8:58pm

Ok, I just have to ask...how would you *know* something had happened four times if you weren't making mental notes from the first time it happened ;-)?

I'm just giving you a hard time, but seriously--I *am* giving him the benefit of the doubt, for now, and I really didn't think about this most of the day today, other than the few moments I spent posting about it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 9:17pm
I admit it; you have me there! I think he really likes you, so I hope it works out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2006
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 9:51pm

Chill honey.

Maybe in about 12-18 months, you MIGHT get a sense if he's "the one" for you.

You're too impatient. And you will "ghost" him off.

Patience is a virtue. Too bad ladies of our generation have lost touch with modesty and virtuosity.

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 11:16pm
Well said Raquel, you took the words right out of my mouth!!! Great advice!!

"The Small Peanut"


How many pounds of peanuts are consumed in the United States each year?

2.4 billion pounds! About 50% is consumed as peanut butter.
Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 12:35am
i think the big problem here is that she sees a bit of a red flag..my thinking is yes we are looking too much into the cancelling and not calling right at 6, but has he set up a date for this week? my feeling is if he really likes you he will reschedule and make plans to go out this week.. but now not later.. but i agree w/ the rest that it could just be that he had thought about the date and it being late and all.. and again you are just dating but i also agree that your gut is telling you something and you are questioning something right away about his reliability and his cancelling that just keep it in the back of your mind. i say if no date set up by wed for this weekend then he likes you but something else is in the way.. not sure what ..
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 1:27am

Well, we just got off the phone and we have a date planned for tomorrow night. I hope I'm not jinxing it by posting about it, and that it will in fact happen, LOL!

We had a good chat and things seem good, so I'm happy to keep an open mind and just see what happens. That's not to say that I won't continue to *notice* things and wonder about some of them...I will. The same is true of the positive stuff, too...I'm observing and noting the good stuff as well, but taking it all with a grain of salt ;-). Time will tell!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 10:57am

So far everything else is great. You’re attracted to him physically, mentally and spiritually right?

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu