unflattering pictures
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| Sun, 12-17-2006 - 10:41am |
This isn't a question about something I plan to do, but I was wondering if anyone had ever sent unflattering pictures of herself (or himself) to a prospective match before meeting-- sort of to prepare him for the worst.
I was thinking how we all post the most flattering pictures of ourselves, and how even if the pictures are current and so forth (which they should be) they don't always show us the way we look every day. (In my case it's more that I look better in certain lights.) So what if you walk up to your "meet and greet" and the guy's face falls when he sees that you are less or more than he'd imagined from your pictures?
I've never had it happen so far (haven't met that many guys though) but what if...
So has anyone sent a prospective match unflattering pictures, and what happened? (Did the match still agree to meet you? Did you meet and still not hit it off?)
Just curious.
Elsa

I recently sent a guy I was emailing on CL a picture of me that I think is less than flattering (in addition to my primary, more flattering picture) because it was taken in Vietnam and we'd both traveled there and were talking about it so it was relevant to the conversation--plus I knew from our talks that he was very fit and I just wanted to be sure there was no question as to my body type (even though I was clear in my ad about it).
We did still meet and ironically I think I'm the one who is not attracted--he has one of those thin, wiry runners bodies which I don't really find attactive. He called me yesterday but didn't leave a message so I haven't called back yet (a pet peeve of mine anyway)--I'm on the fence about whether I want to see him again.
Sheri
I've done this. One time it was only because I told the guy that I used to weight 230 lbs (I'm now 125)and he didn't believe me. So I sent him a picture of me to prove it. I sent it to him while I was talking to him on the phone and when he opened the email he was like "oh, well you were still cute." LOL. And we did still end up meeting, and we hit it off, but he ended up being a loser anyway, but for other reasons.
I think it all depends on the guy and how important looks are to him. I revealed that I used to be overweight to this one guy during our first date (I know I shouldn't do this, but it just came up in conversation both times and I have nothing to hide). He didn't believe me either and said I was messing with him. Then he asked if I have stretch marks and he did not like my truthful answer. But he was also the guy that I ended up making out with the whole night, and he has since ghosted, so I know the only thing he was after was sex.
So, I think it is a good idea to send a less flattering picture, even if only to judge the guy's reaction. One guy I talked to demanded...yes, demanded!...that I send him at least three more pics before he'll discuss meeting. And he preferred I send at least one of me without makeup. Well, I only sent one and it was with me on Christmas morning last year...I was thin then, but I had no makeup on and I was in my jammies. I never heard from the guy again. Geez! Whatever!
IMO, if a guy sees my picture and builds up a fantasy, and then is disappointed when I don't live up to this perfect fantasy, he's probably not someone I'd want to be with anyway.
Oh my! A guy _demanded_ that you show him several pictures including one w/out make up? Give me a break! (At least he didn't ask for a picture of you naked --LOL.)
I agree that if a guy gets disappointed by the "real life you" after creating a fantasy based on your picture, then that reflects negatively on him. (It stands to reason that most of us would post pictures that flatter, don't you think?) On the other hand, do you want to take the trouble to meet someone that shallow? Maybe it's better to send the picture ahead of time.
I'm not sure if I'd ever send a guy a bunch of unflattering pictures before meeting. Maybe if I could do it like Sheri did, with a "reason" behind it ("this is me at such and such"). But I wouldn't want to do it just out of the blue: "By the way, Fred, before we meet, let me show you what I look like when the camera doesn't love me." It suggests insecurity. And I think if any guy asked me for unflattering pictures before he would consent to meet, I would conclude that he wasn't worth meeting. (What I'd _like_ to do is send him a couple of really flattering pictures--maybe pictures of myself five years ago, but dressed sloppily, like in the garden or something, so he'd believe I thought they were unflattering. And then when he decided he wanted to go out with me because I was pretty enough, I'd tell him, "no thanks, you are too shallow.")
Elsa