Unreasonable expectations?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2006
Unreasonable expectations?
4
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 5:37pm

I've gone out on 2 official dates with a guy I met on Match but we've been chatting on the phone regularly for about 6 weeks and have gotten to know each other fairly well (at least as much as you can over the phone.) Our last date lasted for about 8 hours - movies, drinks and then a 3 hour make out session in his truck. In between all the kissing, we did chat a bit too and he mentioned he was going to Florida the next week with his family but he said he'd call me from there.

Since that date, I've been the proactive one - always initiating our communication. I called him the day after that date and we only chatted for about 15 minutes because he said his back was bothering him and he needed to stretch it, take some advil, take a hot shower and go to bed which was fine. Three days later I sent him a text which he responded to mentioning he had to work late the prior night, then I wrote back to his text and he then called me on the phone to talk. He mentioned I could come over his house the next night to watch a movie so I agreed. But the next day he left me a message that he got put on call for work for 24 hours (he works for a power company.) In his message, he said "I'll call you." Unfortunately he was due to leave for Florida that next day so I'm assuming he didn't get chance to call me before he left which is understandable.

I sent him a text that night wishing his a safe trip and he sent me back a quick response. I texted him again on the 4th of July just to say hi and to wish him a happy 4th of July, etc. He did not respond to that text nor has he called me from his trip. He's due to come home Sunday night. So my question is, are my expectations of him calling me from his vacation unreasonable even though he said he would? Should I be concerned about this or the fact that he was a bit less available the week between our last day and his vacation? Lastly, should I call him a couple days after he's back if he hasn't called me? Thanks in advance for your thoughts!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 5:47pm

I think I would let him make the call when he got back. I have been the "proactive" one in some of my past relationships and always ended up getting hurt. I don't think it is unreasonable to expect semi-regular contact from a guy if you are in a dating relationship.

This guy could either be busy or he could not be as interested as he was before (I hope that isn't the case) or he is just another guy who is too lazy to make any real effort in sustaining a relationship. I have dealt with those types as well. In any event, I know it will be hard not to call him when you know he is back, but if you can, let him make the next move. I have a feeling several other posters might agree that he needs to let you know when he is back. Then see how he acts.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 6:25pm

Well, I expect someone to do what they say they are going to do, so no, it's not "unreasonable" to expect that of him. That said, I think after only 2 dates, it wasn't wise of him to commit to doing something like that, and I think you need to let HIM initiate contact from now on. He's not showing a very high level of interest, IMO, so I'd be dating other people for sure if I were you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 7:01pm

Personally I feel like you're making excuses for him and being wayyyyyyyy too understanding. If the guy can't keep his word on something small like calling, what will happen with something bigger? I would not call/text/contact him again. Let him pursue you and see what happens.


Hope this helps.


Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 9:37pm
Totally agree. You are putting forth all the effort to maintain contact at this point ... he KNOWS he is expected to contact you. I wouldnt put forth any more effort or it will seem as if you are chasing him. I hope he calls & has a good excuse AND is better from now on! R~
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