Update

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Update
12
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 2:06pm

I wasn't sure which emoticon to choose but frazzled seemed like as good as any ;-)...

So, after all of the emails, phone calls and dates over the last couple weeks from my CL ad and Yahoo trial subscription...I'm down to 3 guys, possibly a 4th (but it's not looking promising).

Guy 1, "R"--met on Sat am for the first time, I thought there was real chemistry and interest but apparently I was wrong, since he hasn't called. I know it's just been a few days but if all these dates over the last 8 years or so have taught me *anything*, it's that a guy who's really interested will call and line up that 2nd date pretty much right away. So I'm bumming because I really thought he was cool and interested...oh well. And believe me, there was NO ambivalence about me showing interest in him...in fact, now that I think about it, I was trying to give him heavy hints about lining up another date when we were saying our goodbyes, and he wasn't taking them...I should have picked up on that. I don't think I'm going to hear from him...darn.

Guy 2, "C"--we've had one meet and he cancelled our 2nd one the night before it was going to happen for a rather lame reason...he says he wants to reschedule and has been emailing me but hasn't actually rescheduled yet. So I'm not holding my breath...plus he talked about himself way too much at our first meet.

Guy 3, "W"--we had our 2nd date Sat night and it was pretty good...I like him and I know he likes me, I'm just not sure we're a good match. I think he may be emotionally unavailable and somewhat depressed...and I don't need to go there. Plus he's a smoker (he didn't lie about it when he responded to my CL ad, he just didn't say and I assumed he was a non-smoker since I said that was what I said I wanted in my ad) and I just can't be seriously involved with someone who smokes (and I've told him this). So while I will go out with him again and see how it goes, I don't think there's a big chance it's going to work out.

Guy 4, "M"--he's the one who took me to the jazz club on our first meet; we are having our 2nd date this Thursday. I like him...he really seems like a good guy...stable, smart, sophisticated and just fun to talk with. Two things I'm unsure about though...he's either my height or shorter than me and I'm not sure of my attraction to him (I'm not *unattracted* but I'm not very attracted, either), and he has 4 kids 14 and under--I'm not opposed to dating a man with even young children but 4 just seems overwhelming ;-)! But he's the most promising of the bunch right now...we'll see what happens.

As for the hot musician/athlete, that needs to be over...I haven't seen him for 2 weeks so I'm not even getting sex out of it, LOL! We exchange racy emails but that's as far as it goes...so I'm stopping that. If he wants to talk to me or see me he can call me (but I'm not holding my breath on that--I think he's either reconciled with the so-called ex or has found someone else to replace me as his casual sex partner). I'd like to end it on a good note, but I don't think he's going to have that conversation with me. Oh well. We had some fun and I confirmed, YET AGAIN, that I can't have sex with someone without getting emotionally attached. Hopefully I won't have to bang my head against THAT wall again for another couple years at least ;-).

I've already taken down a couple of my profiles from sites I don't use that often in preparation for my 90 day dating hiatus...I'm either going to start it May 15 or June 1, haven't decided yet. I'll keep seeing whoever is still in the picture at that point but I'm going to take all my profiles down and stop browsing ads even. I figure with the time and emotional energy I save I can focus on getting into better shape for my 30 HS reunion coming up in August ;-), not to mention focusing more on business, etc.

Sheri

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
In reply to: northwestwanderer
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 9:31pm
good luck sherri! I bounce over here every once in a while to see what's going on..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: northwestwanderer
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 12:31am

Wow, you've got me topped on the dating circuit but you know what it's a numbers game so good for you!

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
In reply to: northwestwanderer
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 12:41pm
Hello!
You seem to have the online dating thing down to a science! I admire you for sticking with it. As a single woman who tends to get very attached to men, especially after I've been intimate with them, I can definitely empathize with the hurt that you feel when you've been intimate with a man, only to later on be hurt. You remind me of myself when you describe Guy 4. For some reason, I tend to attract guys shorter than me (I'm 5'10") and men with children! It's kind of funny, actually! Even though you're "frazzled", it's good that you can share your story with others, and find humor in it. That, too, is admirable. You're not alone: I too cannot have sex with a man without getting emotionally attached. I sometimes wish I could, but I simply cannot. So, as I said on the "Fools Rush In...." post, I choose to wait it out as long as I can. Hopefully, this doesn't mean that no guy will want to date me because I choose to hold out. The guy I met recently was very open about his attraction to me; when he and I discussed my view on "rushing in", he expressed that he's the polar opposite, but respects my virtuousness. He still wants to continue to get to know me and take me out. He wants to go on a picnic with me! Go figure! Maybe he wants to see if he can "conquer" me. Maybe I shouldn't be so skeptical and wait to see what happens. Anyway.....
I just wanted to say "hang in there" and "good luck".
Mali
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: northwestwanderer
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 2:05pm

Hmmm- numbers numbers, lol.


I too cant do the shorter than me thing AND if i dont have an itial attraction ... IMHO ... that just doesnt grow much from there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: northwestwanderer
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 2:10pm

My date Sunday (who is short but not shorter me, as I'm only 5'3") said that they did a survey - given a choice would women choose height or income and the majority chose height over income when chooosing a mate.

 
 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: northwestwanderer
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 7:56pm

Well, guy #2, "C", has bitten the dust...this is the guy who cancelled on me before our 2nd date and who talked about himself too much. So he's been sending me these slightly racy emails and I've been answering them with humor but trying to deflect him because I just don't think it's appropriate at this point but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt since we have met and he seemed nice if a little full of himself.

So last night he sent me one asking if I want to come spend the night with him and I can bring my PJs. I'm like, thanks, but I need to get to know you better first, even with PJs, and I hope I get the chance to (get to know you better was what I meant). So he writes back today, "I hope I get the chance to sleep with you soon too" or something like that. So I went off on him a little--but in a *very* polite way...basically said that perhaps you're just joking around, but I don't like focusing on sex this early in a potential relationship, I really need to get to know someone before I feel comfortable with that, I don't mean to be a hardass and I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, etc. He writes back all huffy, I just meant *sleep*, not sex and obviously you can't tell the difference so we shouldn't meet again--I'm a gentleman, not every guy from CL wants to get in your pants, blah, blah, blah. I write back, thanks for clarifying and I'm sorry for misunderstanding but sleeping together is still a very intimate thing to me even without sex and I'd have to get to know you better to feel comfortable with that, even, but yeah, if you can't give me the benefit of the doubt, especially given that it's so easy to have misunderstandings when you email (and I've expressed that concern to him before) then no we probably shouldn't meet. I did put a little zinger in there though...I said something like "you're right, most of the guys I've met from CL have been very respectful". He hasn't written back and I'm not holding my breath!

What are these guys THINKING???? That's not the way a gentleman writes to a lady...I don't care if he DID mean just sleeping, it's still presumptuous this early on when we haven't even had our 2nd date yet!

Good riddance, but still...

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
In reply to: northwestwanderer
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 11:54pm

Good riddance is right Sheri;-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: northwestwanderer
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 12:25am

If it makes you feel any better at least he didn't come out and ask you to be his F buddy.

 
 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: northwestwanderer
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 12:32am

ROTFLMAO!!!! Yes, a dreaded cuddler! He actually did say that he meant sleeping together "holding you all night" or something like that...gag me.

It just irks me that I gave him the benefit of the doubt and *told* him, nicely, that it was an issue for me for him to be talking this way when we'd only met once (rather than just deleting and blocking him) but can he give me the same benefit of the doubt for "misunderstanding" his email (if I even did)? NO, of course not.

I emailed someone today on CL who is both a P-Funk fan and a Red Sox fan (both good things in my book ;-)) and he wrote back...we are now at the stage where he has my picture and I'll either hear from him again or not ;-). I am just a glutton for punishment, I guess ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
In reply to: northwestwanderer
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 12:55am

...but can he give me the same benefit of the doubt for "misunderstanding" his email (if I even did)? NO, of course not.


Hehehe...JERK.


Right on Sheri! As I said

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