Update - at 5 month mark now ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Update - at 5 month mark now ...
28
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 9:23am

For those who are new, I SORT OF met this guy on line, lol.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 3:00pm
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Edited 1/11/2007 6:05 pm ET by rlch

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 4:35pm
Congrats on your 5 month mark. It does sound like you are really happy with this man. Just keep taking it day by day and listening to yourself and your wants and needs and when you feel like you must have a commitment then I'm sure you'll approach him at that time, but for now it appears as if you are still happy with the way things are going and deciding what you want and when. Good luck to you with everything and keep open lines of communication with how you are feeling with him and I'm sure that you guys will be able to come to a decision and compromise in time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 5:51pm
I think you are doing fine. You and I might have different views about "casual sex", but other than that, I think you have given some really good advice to people and shown support when it was wanted and needed. I don't think you have your head in the clouds. Just because you are not 100% sure about Carlos does NOT mean he won't commit, nor does it mean that you won't commit to him either. The 5 month mark sounds like a long time to me. My longest relationship has only lasted 3 1/2 months since I ended things with my long-time guy over 7 years ago. I think you have more good than bad going here, so take anyone's advice with a grain of salt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 5:58pm

It seems that things are going well, and I wouldn't have too much anxiety about the relationship. It may seem to be moving slowly, but from what you say, it is moving.

It seems also that you are questioning yourself and your own reaction as much as you are questioning Carlos's plans and "intentions." Perhaps while on one hand you want to know where this is going, on the other hand you are as scared that he will want to be exclusive and move towards marriage as you are scared that he will leave. What you have right now is so good, that you worry that any movement will spoil it. Yet you know that without movement things stagnate, so that worries you too. All this sounds pretty natural to me.

If you want to get things moving faster, you might tell him how you are feeling. Some version of "this is too perfect" to go with his "you are too perfect" would be a good way to bring it up. And if in that discussion you happen to mention how you are torn between wanting the perfect moment to last and feeling that maybe you should be asking him questions about his intentions so that your opportunity to have a second child doesn't pass you by, maybe he will get the idea without feeling that you are putting him on the spot.

But I see no rush. It all sounds like it has good possibilities, and you are enjoying the present. What more can you ask after only five months?

Best,
Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 8:47pm

Excuse my "ignance" but... I'm confused. You say you're not sure you want a relationship, but yet you're saying you've been thinking of giving Carlos the push. How can you push him in the direction of something that you're not sure of? Or am I missing something?


Glad to see all is well and being enjoyed though...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:22pm
Thanks. I am happy with him. He pretty much is eveything one could ask for, kind, generous, thougthful, funny, stable, etc etc ... maybe I will find, in the end, that he is a total committment-phobe & this is as far as we go, but for now, I am happy with things as they are. Just thinking occassionally, about the future & what it may or may not hold, & if I am "normal" in not "needing" more right now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:24pm

Thanks Misty (boy! This thread sure caused some traffic! lol)


I definatly dont have my head in the clouds. I know what I am looking for, what he has to offer & what he can give right now. & really, what *I* also can or cant

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:28pm

I agree - although I dont think its anxiety about the relationship - its just that things seem almost "too" good - i know it sounds as if I am complaining that he "cant commit", but as its been pointed out, *I* really may not be quite there either. I think any anxiety I may come close to feeling is only b/c I wonder if its "ok" at this point, where we are, in the grand scheme of things - to NOT have that total committment. & I realize its fine, b/c its fine with both of US.


& youre so right. On 1 hand, he may be what I am looking for long term, but truly, if he asked me tomorrow if I would marry him, I would run for the HILLS! lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:30pm

No, its not ignorance, I can see how you'd be easily confused ... *I* am confused at times!


When i talked about giving him a push, I think i didnt really mean right now. My intention was to sort of leave things as they are & see what happens. I was more concerned about the "normalcy" of my being ok with where we are. Possibly some of my recent posts above to the last 2 people will explain it more to you.


Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 7:57am

Isn't it funny how, when everything is perfect, we worry because it can't possibly be that perfect or because we know it won't be that perfect for long?

Enjoy it. As you say, why fix something that isn't broken? When you need more, you'll probably be able to ask for it.

Elsa